Traditional invites! help

Oooo that's such a tough one! There are reasonable arguments on all sides...frustrating!

I would ask to start with how "traditional" is your wedding? Might seem strange to guests to have a very formal invite, then a very informal wedding. They say that the invite is the first glimpse of your ceremony.

Next is are FPIL contributing in non-monetary ways? Spending time helping with DIY? Running errands? Helping with the admin? "Traditionally" it'd all be left to the brides family to bear the whole burden of the wedding planning and payments. But the FIL's are getting more involved in modern times, but it may not be monetary, for a variety of reasons (inability to support financially, tradition etc.). Might be worth working out whether FPIL will be contributing non-financially, and whether that might sway your parents to acknowledge their contribution?

In regards to wording, I saw on another forum about something like:

Mr. and Mrs. (your parents names)

joyfully invite you to the marriage of their daughter

Your forename (and middle names if you'd like)

to

(Your fiance's name)

Mr. and Mrs. (your fiancé's parents names)

Which might be a middle ground for everyone, as it highlights your parents as the 'hosts' but still acknowledges his parents on the main invite (afterall, at a minimum, he wouldn't exist without them, ergo the wedding wouldn't exist between these two people...)

We put 'Together with our families' as we are paying most of it, but both parents have contributed both financially and with admin / errands etc, pretty much equally. If you don't have the print space on the invite (we had to put church and reception venue info on the front so we wouldn't have had space to call them out by name as per example above), this could remedy that. It is a "new-traditional" option IMHO that is politically sensitive to many family situations. However, it does imply contribution from 'family', whoever that is to you, so it's a tough one.

I'm sorry you've got this to handle. Hopefully feelings will mellow in the time you have before needing to finalise your invites. Best of luck xx

Awh that is so tough!

It might be worth having a chat with FMIL about how much she'd like to be included. You, your partner (and I imagine your parents) will have specific ideas on bits you'd like to keep to certain people (your dress, the flowers, maybe the wedding colour scheme), but maybe asking for advice or ideas before you get to doing some stuff might help her to feel included. We've said to FMIL "We're hoping to do X this month (book our caterer, DJ, go for tasting sorta thing), do you have any ideas / advice?". Equally though, she has asked actively what we're up to and the same sentence applies; don't put all the pressure on yourself to 'inform' her, say to her if you want to know, just ask!

I don't know about your FMILs situation, I think MotG can be a tough role to have; in many cases not wanting to overstep but wanting to be included. I think it can be harder for parents of only boys or an only male child as they won't have the option of having the MotB experience and duties. Definitely have a chat; both of you and FPIL. Let your partner lead and say "we appreciate you've felt a little left out so far, how would you like to be included moving forward? We'd love for you to ask how things are going, what's on our next to sort list and asking how you can help too". He needs to manage the relationship with his parents.

I'd definitely leave the topic for a while, you've got plenty of time. We've seen parents on both sides tone down some of their 'firmer' views as we've gone through the process. It's so hard to manage all the things. Like it is your wedding (regardless whose paying for it, that should be kept in mind), but your relationships shouldn't be impacted by a wedding. It does feel like walking on a tightrope over a shark tank sometimes. Wishing you all the best for planning!

Can you tell them that you want the wedding to be a celebration of two families joining together, so that is why you want both families' names on the invite? To be honest, considering your OHs father has recently died, it is quite insensitive of your parents not to want his name on the invitation because he's not contributing financially!

I would suggest either 'the families of...' or 'Mr and Mrs BridesParents invite you to the marriage of their daughter Bride with Groom, son of Mrs and the late Mr GroomsParents', like you do in wedding announcements. The excuse of it being too wordy is ridiculous.

To be honest, if your mother is creating this much drama over something so small, I don't think it bodes well for the rest of the wedding - is there any way you can gratefully decline your parents' financial assistance so that they don't feel like they get to control what you can and can't do? Even if you have to scale back a bit, it might be worth it to avoid the hassle!

We havent accepted any financial input from either side for this reason. You might want to rethink that if you are to retain control of everything. Its YOURS and FH wedding after all not theirs. This might also lead to your parents dictating guest numbers and who gets invited, if they are already whining about the invites themselves.

on wording for invites, there are templates on here and online otherwise, worth a nosey to see. I decided on 'the pleasure of your company is requested to celebrate the marriage of B and G'... (my name and his name)

good luck and happy planning

To be honest it is a really difficult one but I do completely understand how your parents feel. Obviously they can afford to make the contribution they are making but sending the invites out from them does not indicate in any way that your future in laws have not contributed, it is quite simply tge traditional way of doing things. If your future in laws had made any contribution at all, paying for the cake, for example, then it would be polite to add their names to the invites, but as they have not been able to contribute anything and your parents have paid tge majority of the bill, then it seems reasonable that tge invites come from them.

I always like Destination wedding