Uncooperative Chief Bridesmaid :(

Sounds like she's got a few issues. Has she had a personal setback? Family problems, boyfriends issues etc. I can think of dozens of reasons she might be distracted.

Maybe you should ask to speak to her, in a friendly supportive way, and ask her if she still wants to be involved. Tell her you really want her there for your big day, but if she's not up to it you'll understand and 'promote' one of the others. Perhaps ask one of the other BMs to support her.

Ah hun i really feel for you. My SIL in one of my BMs and she has been similar. She hasnt organised the hen weekend but luckily i got wind of this and have enlisted the help of my other BM and we are planning it all this weekend. She has dictated over what she wears and has told me that she is goign on holiday before the wedding and so wont be able to make the hen do. There has been other stuff as well and the day is still over 6 months away. TBH i have given up she isnt going to change and i am not going to get stressed over it, every time she does something annoying i now just let it wash over me. And hard as it is i would suggest you do teh same. If she hasnt picked her dress up for alterations even after you have reminded her then it will be her that looks silly in an ill fitting dress, just hide her at the back of photos!! If she isnt staying with you then she will have to sort somewhere out at some point and she wont have such a nice time as she wont be with everyone else. And if she doesnt make it to the sanctury (which i think is a lovely touch) then you save money and she misses out. Think of all teh lovely things you have planned and that your big day is gettign near and try to push anythign to do with her out of your head. Having said all that i would have a quick word with her and ask if everythign is ok with her, there may be sonethign going on that you are unaware of. Explain to her how you are feeling and how what she has done has made you feel and then ask if she is ok. If she says she is then accept it and think about your day and not her.

By all means find out whats going on but I would also suggest she no longer be your bridesmaid, it seems to be a terrible situation to be in. I've been on the other end of the stick where my two best mates didnt ask me to be a bridesmaid. I now have no contact with one and the girl who was chosen to be the bm instead, isnt as close to me as she used to be...

he lack of support, contact and committment is stressful enough, I think you might have to cut your losses. Sorry.

It could be something really simple like wedding envy. I've seen a fair few posts lately about unhelpful or downright awful bridesmaids/CBMs, best man etc. and I'm starting to wonder if the vast majority of these are down to simply feeling a bit green about your (general 'your') wedding.

Thinking back, when BIL2b was getting married, I was so envious because my own relationship with h2b had hit a very rough patch and I was desperate for us to get back on track and (because we have kids) to be thinking about getting married ourselves. H2B had always said he didn't 'do' marriage though so I really thought it was something that wouldn't happen for me. Whatever the wedding equivalent of being broody is, I had it big time. I couldn't bring myself to look at friends' wedding photos and declined numerous invitations to weddings or receptions. It really genuinely hurt to see someone else making that amazingly happy commitment when I thought nobody would ever want to commit to me in that way. Luckily nobody that close to me was getting married around that time, so I wasn't faced with having to be a bridesmaid for anyone, but if I'd been asked, I think I would have found it very difficult to do a good job.

What a refreshingly honest post, sammyjay!

Thanks CB ? I think it's probably a fairly taboo thing to come out and say in RL, but I think it's probably more common than most people want to think. I know I'm mildly obsessed with my wedding and probably talk about very little else. If any of my friends had 'wedding envy', I think my mood at the moment would probably really get to them!