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Beginner September 2024 Leicestershire

Underwhelmed by mum's reaction to engagement

Samantha, 8 October, 2022 at 08:12 Posted on Planning 0 8

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I announced our engagement to my parents the other day. My dad said congratulations and hugged me. and my mum responded with 'as long as you are happy' then hugged me. I have been with my (now) fiancé for nearly 10 years and have always been happy with him.
Then when I said we are thinking of getting married in our village as it had meaning to us she asked why we weren't doing it in the village they lived in (it's where they have lived for a number of years but not where we were bought up) she then tells me the divorce rate statistics and tells me stories of messy divorces.
This is the biggest news I'll ever be telling them as we aren't planning on having children (I know she would love more grandchildren so I know baby news would be a bigger deal to her) so I was hoping for more of a positive response but now I feel a bit flat. Anyone else had an underwhelming reaction to their engagement announcement?

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Latest activity by Caris, 11 October, 2022 at 00:04

Beginner October 2023 Durham
Amy · 8 October, 2022 at 09:32
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I'm sorry you feel that way. I had a similar feeling when nearly everyone's reaction was along the lines of "I suppose it took long enough" but ultimately this is yours and your fiancée's day and as long as you are happy they'll see that. Their excitement might be a slow burn!
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Rockstar August 2024 West Midlands
Sarah · 8 October, 2022 at 20:12
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So sorry this has happened to you, it’s awful - your parents should be your biggest cheerleaders. If it makes you feel better I’m in the same situation. My mother ruined my engagement and then proceeds to ruin all my wedding planning and speaks negatively about it too (I’m the only daughter so should be even more exciting) but hey ho, can’t please everybody! Inbox is open if you need a chat ❣️
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Beginner October 2022 Dorset
A Dines · 9 October, 2022 at 17:16
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That's sad - how disappointing. I wonder if it would help to find out what's behind her reaction. Is she being over protective, or anxious for you? Is there a misunderstanding you could address? Although it might be a hard conversation to have, it might feel better to have it out than be upset when you should be so excited. Good luck x
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Beginner September 2024 Leicestershire
Samantha · 9 October, 2022 at 18:07
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Thank you for the replies.
We think my mum is jealous as her and my dad don't, and never have had, the best of relationships. I think her life hadn't turned out as she had planned and doesn't like to hear about things happening in other people's lives, especially happy stuff. For example, we went on holiday a few weeks ago and she'd ask if I had a nice time but then moves the conversation onto something else.
I just hope she shows some interest in the wedding going forward and gets to be a part of it and enjoy it x
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VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
Charlotte · 9 October, 2022 at 18:29
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Is so sad when parents behave this way. My mum was similar and the jealousy was insane during our planning. Snide remarks and constant opinions. Try not to let it get you down, from experience, don't discuss too much with her, if she asks just say you want it to be a surprise for everyone. Is hard but honestly, the more you share the more opinions and it can get stressful. Focus on the 2 of you, do it your way as it is your day, that is al that matters x
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Beginner September 2024 Leicestershire
Samantha · 9 October, 2022 at 19:02
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It is sad, why can't they put the jealousy aside and be happy for us. Sorry to hear you had a similar experience.
You're right, I mean she's already trying to control where we have the wedding and that's just the start of the planning. We already know what we want and it is our day, we should get to decide where we go/what we do
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Dedicated February 2023 Hertfordshire
Emily · 9 October, 2022 at 22:36
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When we told my mum it was like I'd just told her there was a great deal on Persil at the supermarket. We announced at daily Sunday dinner, if my SIL hadnt been there to be all happy and oooh and aahh, etc, I really don't now what I would have done. When we left to go and see my dad and step mum, I cried on the journey there. I was so upset. I've not really shared much wedding stuff with her because I just don't get any positive excited reaction, and I don't want to be be disappointe by her non reaction. My Dad, thanksfully, is so excited and happy for us. He knows all our wedding details and asks all the right questions. I even took my Dad and step mum wedding dress shopping. We didn't find the dress, but it was so lovely.
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Curious June 2023 East Sussex
Caris · 11 October, 2022 at 00:04
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I think there are so many of us who don't have "typical" relationships with our mums and won't have that fairy tale MOB moment.

My mum ruined the run up to my first wedding, she made it all about her and was so critical, which is why this time round, she's not involved at all. TBH, she doesn't even ask about it much.
I'm so sorry your mum didn't give you the response you needed, but at least you have your dad and step mum! Lean into them as much as you can, and leave mum out of it! She probably won't change unless you decide to work on that part of your relationship with her.
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Underwhelmed by mum's reaction to engagement

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