Unenthused friends!

I don't think it's unreasonable for people not to be excited about a wedding that is over a year away - you've got at least 15 months to go even now, and you say that you've been disappointed by their lack of excitement 'for months'. To be honest, I'd struggle to get very excited about a wedding that was taking place that far into the future, especially if I had another exciting event between now and then. I'm sure that once your sister's wedding is over, your mutual friends will start looking forward to yours.

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I think what grates on me is they know full well that because we have my sisters wedding first and it's not a pretty penny, I'm doing everything I can to prep now for mine, i.e. buying, making, crafting everything so as time gets closer it's less stressful and they know all of this. These aren't friends I see from time to time, we are together all the time, including our families and partners. I understand mine is still some time to go but so is my sisters (over a year away) but they're excited and non stop talking about that - could I not have some excitement seeing as I'm their best friend?

I definitely don't want all the lime light (I'm excited for us sisters to have this amazing experience together), but to have literally 0 is disheartening.

When I have tried to casually ask their opinion on something it's shrugged off and I'm reluctant to do so again as it hurts. We are BIG party and events planners and we know the effort it takes to make things happen. Whether it be birthdays, Xmas you name it, we get together and plan and share ideas, it's how we've always been but this situation I feel I'm on my own and would love to share this with them.

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Have you asked them to help with things? E.g. you mentioned that you had to pick your wedding dress without their help - did you ask them to help and they refused? Or did you just assume they'd offer?

Generally speaking, close friends are keen to support us in big life events. If your friends are not interested, it suggests that either your expectations of them are unreasonable (e.g. expecting them to do too much or get excited about the wedding too far in advance of it happening), that they do not realise you are disappointed by their lack of support (in which case, asking them to help with specific things might work) or that they do not regard the friendship between you as being as close as you do.

Hopefully, it will be the middle reason. But if it is bugging you this much, I think it would be worth spending some time reflecting on possible reasons and perhaps asking some further questions/explaining how you feel so that you can work out why there is this disconnect between your friends' behaviour and your expectations of them.

I've had a similarish thing with people I thought were my besties, we knew we wanted a small intimate wedding, and as we thought more about it decided eloping abroad was totally us! Since sharing our plans with friends we could see the split of those that still were excited and often asked about our plans and how things are going, and sadly my closest friend who never asked one bit.
I went dress shopping alone, though had three of my friends on a zoom call and they always were helpful and asked about dresses so that input was nice. We are going away next week so since deciding and it happening has been so quick, we've just kept a lot more of it to ourselves and got excited about it together, its our day in the end and its been nice to realise that we are spending all the time and effort into doing this together for each other rather than to please others. We said we would just have a get together with friends/family when we get back, and I organised a celebration meal out before we go with my friends to have a bit of fun which they were takers on.
It could be that theres a long time yet to go, or that they talk about SA more because its the trip they're excited about like if you plan a holiday and cant wait to go? I definitely got upset too a fair bit like why is my closest friend not bothered or some others who haven't said a word or congratulated us until now despite seeing them in person before now. But changing how you think and seeing what really matters helps and I'm so over it, can see true friends and all expectations have been reset from this.Congratulations on your engagement and I wish you all the best for your big day, its exciting planning and just think about what you and your H2B wants xx

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Hi Sarah

Thank you for sharing your experience, its comforting to know its a common thing amongst friends. It's just been very hard to digest and you begin second guessing your plans.

If I wasn't so concerned worrying I come across as bridezilla or wanting "all attention on me" it would probably be easier to check in with them and ask for help or some excitement in this lonely stressful world of wedding planning. I know this is my fault but I guess I expected more from experience of other events and their excitement of those.

I feel too far in now to change anything/ elope but knowing friends who have eloped and your story, it sounds a wonderful plan and a day the two of you will remember for the rest of your lives. Thank you again for sharing your experience, advice and also wish you a happy wedding day & marriage xxx

I completely understand your disappointment in your friends. It doesn't come across as jealousy, your sister obviously means the world to you. I'm just wondering if they're 'more excited' for your sister's wedding because it's first? its a lousy excuse but that might be it. Maybe set up a crafting/DIY day for them to come and join in with you to light that fire of excitement. I know my bridesmaids were so excited at the beginning, I guess they still are but just because it's a while away it's kind of died down a bit. I'm not getting upset by it because I know the closer it gets and the more we do for it together the more excitement will come back. They're not the ones who are planning and doing things for the wedding yet. Whereas when you're the bride your whole life kind of starts to revolve around planning, I know mine has Try not to worry too much about it, they are excited and happy for you, they just might not be showing it as much as you'd expect yet. Try to make more of a point of arranging planning days etc, you should be able to share the amazing experience with the people you love. I know you're scared of being a 'bridezilla' but talking to your friends honestly won't make you one. Just tell them you'd really enjoy their help and input to share with them, and if they're true friends, they'll come running at the chance!

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Such lovely words and sound advice Toni-Joy. Thank you for your empathy on the situation.

I accept I might be sensitive, but I was quite taken back expecting one thing (from past experience over excitement from much less exciting events) and getting the COMPLETE opposite. Just feels like it came out of left field and you can't help but wonder is something going on? Are they not happy for me? Do they not want to travel again after SA? ect ect.

One of my friends I'm referring too in this situation is walking me down the aisle, as I mentioned before I heartbreakingly don't have parents, so I don't know how much more I could make them feel it's important my loved ones are treated like family and every bit part of this journey as my sister will be my only family member. There's only the two of us in the UK so for many years my friends have been extended family to me as I have them.

Nevertheless, it could be a few factors they're just not "fussed" and maybe the first wedding is taking precedency but I'll try and find something to see if it sparks any interest and go from there. Thank you again, it's been of comfort to hear other perspectives and advice