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J
East Central London

Unhappy bestman?

Josh, 25 of July of 2021 at 21:17 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 5

Hey everyone

I have been asked to be best man of a friend's wedding that is happening in 2 weeks. I've known the guy about 5 years and we used to go out on the weekends etc. I wouldn't say we are the best of friends but we've had great times together and it's nice to be asked to a part of their day. I mention this just for context that we are not joined at the hip so don't expect him to move mountains for me but feel they've completely overlooked me...


I'm a little unsure about a few things and wanted some advice on what others thought...

Firstly, I have been asked to pay for my own suit due to their budget. They have given me a colour however I will be going for a different shade to what they've suggested as I want to pick something I will want to wear again.


Secondly, my partner hasn't been invited to the day, just the evening. We have been seeing each other for about a year. Officially it's been about 3 months but we were pretty much together before, just slow in making it official lol. The bride and groom have both met her once... I just feel as the best man I should be getting a plus one. I haven't made an issue to avoid conflict but it's just not sitting right with me. Another friend is bringing his partner to the day, however they have been together many years and live over 6 hours away so I do understand that maybe his partner wouldn't come on their own due to distance but then I think she could either do something else during the day or not come? Sounds harsh writing it but I feel I've been completely overlooked and not sure if I am being over dramatic about it all...?!


I do know a few others going during the day, not that I am really close to them but we all know each other from working together years back and been on nights out since.

What does everyone think? If they were on a budget previously, do you think they would even be able to change due to wedding happening in 2 weeks?


Also to add- I planned the stag do and made sure between 4 of us we covered the groom's accommodation, flights, and all activities...


5 replies

Latest activity by LuxuriousPurpleConfetti61780, 26 of July of 2021 at 20:41
  • Richard
    Dedicated May 2022 Berkshire
    Richard ·
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    So we are inviting best man's gf even though not met her as support for best man. I would rather spend wedding funds on her than some other random plus one that iv not met before
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  • Marcie
    Rockstar August 2021 Bristol
    Marcie ·
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    I think as best man your partner should be invited and also if they want you to pay for your own suit then it should be of your choosing.
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  • Sarah
    Dedicated September 2020 West Sussex
    Sarah ·
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    So I would say flip the position, if you were him and were on a restricted budget would you want to pay for someone you had met once to be at your wedding over another friend/family member, remember it might not come down just to budget it might also be limited numbers.


    Re the suit I would say as long as they ok the shade being slightly different as you are paying that should be fine. If they want to dictate they should pay/contribute.
    As a bride I know the best man for my wedding didn’t really know much about the plans as I did the planning (my husband is super laid back) so other than stag do which didn’t go ahead due to Covid there wasn’t much for him to do. So I wouldn’t be too concerned about not knowing the details, all you could do is ask is there anything you need to know for the day/take charge of.
    Good luck and enjoy the day
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  • Emma
    Rockstar August 2021 Wiltshire
    Emma ·
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    Personally I feel you just need to bite your tongue and understand that your partner is only coming for the evening. It’s their wedding so their choices.
    If your the best man then during the ceremony your with the groom, same for the meal your probably be sat with the groom then before you know it. It will be the evening and your partner now is joining you. So you won’t be alone for long.

    If they are on a budget, then I can understand why they havent invited her. Why pay for someone who they have met once?! Also with your suit as long as it’s in the colour scheme that will be fine. After all you are paying for it. I don’t think they would be able to change things now as it’s only 2 weeks away.



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  • LuxuriousPurpleConfetti61780
    Beginner February 2024 Lothian & Borders
    LuxuriousPurpleConfetti61780 ·
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    I think as best man, you are going to have a lot to do and your partner would be all alone, your going to be up there with the groom, getting ready with the groom, and then in the pictures with the groom, sitting at the top table with the groom, all this your partner would be alone and stuck with people she doesn't know. I think its a good idea that your partner comes to the evening, i was MOH at my friends wedding last year and this is how my partner felt.
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