Unresponsive bridesmaids - help

Just wanted to say that I love those dresses, what a bargain! I'd be very happy as a bridesmaid to be asked to wear that.

In answer to the unresponsiveness I'm not sure what to suggest, I know everyone has such busy lives now that maybe they are just caught up in their own busy lives and don't have time to reply. Have you suggested the 6 of you maybe meeting up one evening/afternoon so they can all meet each other and discuss ideas? It's hard but unfortunately your wedding is probably not their priority, especially with a year still to go. Sounds like you have one amazing one who will probably round up the others and plan the hen night etc.

Good luck and buy those dresses - you can send them back if they don't like them but they won't hang around for long at that price.

Z

Ahh I know the feeling! My MOH is being amazing other 3 bm nothing!
Sorry can't be of any help though.
Hopefully they will get back to you soon. X

Hi

im afraid I have no experience of bridesmaids. I'm eloping with two witnesses and have never even been a bridesmaid as an adult. At my first wedding years ago I had no adult bridesmaids.

i can say though that my witness has been amazing for discussing things with me, helpful, helping me make decisions etc. as have a couple of close friends 'in the know'.

so surely these unresponsive bridesmaids are your close friends who should be happy for you, agreed to take this role and if nothing else at least want to comment on a yes or no to the dress from a purely selfish point of view that they will have to wear it?

i think two choices. As the previous poster said order them and message that you have to get together to try on within a time frame in case they need returning. Or wait as with a year to go there will be more sales. If you wait then you have the option of reassessing who you want as a bridesmaid ancho you decide you no longer want without being stuck with address in their size.

Thanks so much for getting back to me ladies.

Unfortunately asking them all to meet up isn't really an option for a few months as a few of them live abroad.

From this Autumn, they'll all be in the UK apart from one who is coming just for the wedding. Might try and arrange a meeting with 4/5.

I would try to arrange the meeting. Who seems keen and who makes excuses and what excuses will give you a bigger idea of who can be relied on.

Try not to let it get you down – as you’ve said, people aren’t really going to be that excited when, to them, it still seems so far away. When I hit the one year mark I was so excited but felt so dampened when my friend’s didn’t share my excitement. However, I do think that them not getting back to you about the dress isn’t great – maybe make a joke of it and send a photo to the group of a really vile outlandish dress and say something like “as no one responded about the other dress, I took it the nobody liked it so have ordered this one for you all instead – hope that’s ok!”. I know it’s hard but don’t let it put a dampener on your planning – everyone has their own priorities and I’m sure as it gets closer to the wedding you’ll see them get more excited!

I felt the same as you about one of my bridesmaids but it turns out she had a lot more going on her life at that time than I realised. It put things in perspective for me. Maybe there is more to it than people just not being interested?

My bridesmaids are spread out all over the place too and I find that in person people are a lot more responsive, and now I am closer to my wedding things are picking up and people are getting more interested. Maybe your bridesmaids aren't that keen on getting the dresses so early as it puts pressure on them to stay a certain shape/size but don't want to upset you by saying no.

A lot can happen in a few months, I had to take a step back and remember not to take things personally.

Maybe try speaking to them individually? They just might not like the group chat thing. I'm on one for a friends hen-weekend and I never post. But I text her all the time and we're always talking wedding!

Also if any of them do have problems they might be more likely to say on a one-to-one

Hi, no real advice really but just to say I am going through something similar with mine. Have asked 2 people, sent a couple of messages but not had anything at all back from one of them. She has been away with work but has still been using emails and facebook but not replied to mine. Got a message from her yesterday to say she would reply soon. If it was the other way round and I was her bridesmaid I would be much more proactive/prompt about it - even if I couldn't spend a lot of time looking at stuff online while away I would still have replied quickly and apologised.

I think some people have different ideas about how to respond to things and sometimes because it is a wedding it feels very much like they are being offensive/disappointing by not getting back to you (I know that's how I felt at first) but I guess just remember that they don't know half the stress you go through to organise it all - they don't know half the other things you will be trying to get done while getting things sorted for them - and try not to feel negative about it. Easier said than done - I am really conscious at the moment of not turning things sour for myself at various things that have happened. It's still your big day and you can enjoy the preparations if you keep positive.

It might be worth asking how they feel about being bridesmaids, 'I've noticed you've not replied and just wondered if you had a lot on at the moment, are you still OK to do it' sort of thing but this could cause an argument with the wrong approach so I would only do that if you were feeling calm and unflappable!

Sorry not to have more advice but as I say, I do feel your pain! x x

I had a similar thing, just generic responses from 3 of the 4 but it really got exciting for them a few months ahead. they seemed to really get on board when it hit the 2 month mark! Not the best I know but if you have at least 1 (in my case my chief) you should eb fine

They don't know each other so perhaps they feel uncomfortable messaging people they don't know when they respond. Try to arrange a meeting, but most importantly dont take this personally. You've got more than a year to go. As said by others people get excited a few months before.

Leave them for a little longer and then arrange a meeting.

You've got one excited BM, just message her if you want a quick reaction.

I can't offer any advice from experience as my 2 BM's are my younger sisters and are both really excited.

All I would say is that maybe for them as its a year away they might not be as excited as you are at the moment, I am sure also with the locations of them doesn't make it the easiest situation for you trying to get everyone speaking etc.

You have plenty of time too and its your wedding, if you are having 2nd thoughts about asking 1 or more of them you do have every right to change your mind and maybe say because of budget restraints you arent able to have as many as you'd initially thought and maybe ask them to do a reading or be a witness instead or something. However, this is a long way off and I'd give it a bit more time before making any decisions.

Some of them may have other things going on at the moment and if they all dont know eachother they might not want to air it publicly.

Have you tried contacting them individually to see if you get more of a response that way?

Oh that does sound very frustrating! It's so easy to just reply to a facebook message. Facebook is so easily accessible, people spend so much time on it. But they can't reply to an exciting message about a wedding? Grrrr!

To them, a year does seem very far away so I'd hope that they will show more interest closer to the time. As they don't really know each other it could be that they're not comfortable with voicing their opinions on a group message so maybe try contacting them separately.

Makes me glad I'm only having one BM!

Ok.....as a serial bridesmaid (this month will be my 8th time, only 1 of those was as a little girl).....I've been both a very involved bridesmaid where I was asked to pretty much help sort the day. And I was more than happy to do thatit.

Another time the bride said to us that she purely wanted us walking down the aisle with her & being there to support her in the 2 days leading up to the wedding. So rather than lots of emails back & forth we all met up for a few days out shopping & that was when we sorted stuff. We went to the venue the day before, and that was it. There were 6 bridesmaids from all over the country, the most difficult bit was getting a date we could meet! :-)

But I have to say....with a year to go, even if I was an "involved" bridesmaid, I wouldn't even be thinking about what dress I'd be wearing!!!

When I was bridesmaid in July the bride sent over links to 4 dresses & asked us what one we both liked; we picked the same one, so she ordered that day online. And that was that; that was about 6 weeks before the wedding.

The wedding in 2 weeks has been more Whats App messages; but there are 10 of us & we are all pretty talkative too! It's quite common for us to be messaging back & forth anyway. Again though....August wedding....talk of our dresses started about Feb/March.

I know you want to get stuff sorted, but I wouldn't hold it against them. They are obviously close to you, or you wouldn't have asked them to be bridesmaid. Have you given them specific jobs?? I know some bridesmaids like to feel as if they have a set role...ie to sort "X" on the day? That might get them more involved. But overall I do think you are panicking a bit prematurely.

Sorry!

xx

I totally understand where you are coming from. My CB got bored looking at dresses (really not her thing) and another who has been really helpful, sending me pics of other people's wedding for ideas, and the third, happy to give an opinion when asked, but wont text me regarding a dress. So just because the majority aren't as excited as you, doesn't mean they don't care. For me I'm also doing it backwards, I'm getting the BM dresses first so I know what the colour will be (both me and OH are a bit too relaxed sometimes) and I'd rather get the perfect dress in a shade I didn't think about, then limit my dress search to a particular colour, so I need to get their dresses sooner.

Mimicking what others have said before, they may not be excited about the dresses because they might plan on losing weight, or they dye their hair a lot, so many reasons. Instead ask them about transport or if they know any good dj's/photographers, how to decorate the venue, something that can be done a year in advance without complications or restrictions.

Hi

I have a mixture of excitement one can't stop talking about arranging hen ! Not getting married for another 13 months yet.
One of my other ones is going through a lot at the moment with family illnesses and losses so I don't mention wedding unless she brings it up.

Your far more organised that me don't know what colours I want them in yet. Have you been in touch with them
Other than the bridesmaid group, if they have other stuff going on they may not want to share that in the group.

I feel your frustration I hate it when people don't reply. Good luck hope u get it sorted soon x