Very shy groom - advice needed!

I haven't faced this as my oh is very confident but I would say choose your photographer wisely and have a pre photo shoot. Maybe skip the formal line up photos and go for something more relaxed. If you find a photographer he is comfortable with who can be more subtle then you may get the photos you want without him feeling/looking anxious?

I'm not going to have all the answers to be honest but hope some of our married ladies can help further.

My OH is comfortable with his friends and a small group but when a family arrangement came upon us a few weeks after our engagement when all and his dog were thrilled around us, as his direct family said he showed about as much excitement as a sloth. Now this is not because he isn't chuffed, and expresses that to just me and him, he and suspect your other half too just likes his private life to be private (could it be there is a family member in his life that has so much drama in their life it could be a soap on channel 4? Mine does)

But despite potential overwhelmed therefore a lack of help and support during planning - know this - he loves you, always has, always will. He may not be capable of showing his love in words or indeed in actions amongst others, but he is committed in spending the rest of his life with you he has shown that to you already - it's only you and him in your marriage who cares if he screams it from the rooftops - he's shown you he's screaming it inside - he might not give the best speech on the day, he might shy away but you know he loves you and will do his upmost to give you the best day of your life and I'd bet he'd hate that your scared how he's going to react - he just wants to marry you - shy or not xx

Sorry if that is too soppy - I'm in that sort of mood today xx

I deal with clients each year who have anxiety disorders, including quite severe photography phobia. (Yes, it's real!)

I think if the groom is shy and is already expressing discomfort then you need to take the pressure off as much as possible. For example, suggest that he doesn't do a speech, then he doesn't have to spend months stressing about it.

Book a wedding photojournalist as they tend to be more discreet and work in the background. In the most severe case I've worked with, the bride was unable to have a bridal portraits session but I still managed to get loads of nice photos of her during the day using telephoto lenses. We also had several photo sessions at my home in the run up to the wedding to try and de-sensitise her a bit.

In most phobia/stress cases, the pre-wedding test shoots reduce the problem in time for the wedding day. (PS I should explain that this is not the same as having a normal pre-wedding shoot. The de-sensitisation shoots are shorter and need to be repeated several times.)

You really need a friendly experienced photographer that is used to working with shy people? Honestly I get this question asked all the time, its either the groom or the bride that is very shy and don't like there photos taken, you just need to know how to relax them, it helps also to be as far away from the shy person as possible so long lenses help enormously.

You staying close to him most of the time will ease his nerves and on the day talk a lot to him, get him involved in everything, it will take his mind off of other people around him.

I have the same problem here as well. My OH wont do a speech at the wedding as has a total fear of public speaking, so i will do a small speech as well. I want us to do our own vows but he wants to say the least possible so no one hears him, which makes me sad as i have my vows all written and cant wait to say them and hes just going to end up saying the standard ones.

I think this might be a more common thing than we think - grooms and indeed brides who want to get married but aren't comfortable with being the centre of attention.

My OH is a very confident person in his personal and work life, and has played and sung in public lots, but gets very nervous if he has to make a speech (despite making sales pitches all the time), hates having his photograph taken and is dreading standing in front of people at the church. I think it's the prospect of having to be himself, and only having himself to present, that's freaking him out.

But he loves me, and wants to get married. So he's dealing with all of the above and it's making me love him more every day.

I, on the other hand, will happily appear in photographs, but tend to look dreadful.

Thankfully our photographer is fantastic with the camera shy and has even succeeded in making me look vaguely decent in photographs in the past, so I consider him a minor miracle-maker!

I never even thought about giving the registrar the vows like that, I'm sure my OH will love that idea, saying I do is better than saying lots in front of everyone :-)