Hey everyone,
I got married 10th June last year and my day didn't go to plan (well my plan) at all. A combination of hair and make up artist stress which led to a very frosty and awkward wedding morning, lots of family drama which resulted in me having a major panic attack seconds before walking down the aisle then a storm which knocked the power out at our venue for most of the evening do meant i have very mixed feelings on the day.
I am so happy to be married to my husband and I know that is really all that matters but i still look back on the day with lots of regret and sadness that key moments I feel were ruined for me. I wish I wasn't hyperventilating during my grand entrance, I wish I wasn't constantly on edge trying to keep an eye on my family and practically keeping everyone else happy. This is only the key things that went wrong.
This had a massive impact on me for the first month of married life, i felt depressed and sad all the time and couldn't bare to look at pictures or videos of the day. As more time has gone by i can now watch my wedding video and look at the photos but still have a sad tinge to them. I've been very honest with my husband and indeed lots of both of our family members and no one can see what i see. They say the day was perfect a day to be remembered because of the storm and that everyone had a great time.... yeah everyone but me! 
my husband thinks I am joking when I talk about vow renewals later down the line... i think one wedding was enough for him. We are going away to Tenby this year for our 1st wedding anniversary and I can't stop thinking about organizing something... like a private thing somewhere on a cliff or on the beach or just a romantic meal which I am sure we would do anyway. Maybe not necessarily a vow renewal (though I would love to wear the big white dress again and say exactly what i want to my husband about how he makes me feel rather than the strict wording we had in our ceremony) but something significant enough on our first wedding anniversary just the two of us to celebrate our marriage.
I'm not sure what i'm even asking here but any ideas are welcome. And please understand I know it's not about the 'wedding day' it's the marriage and I am very very happily married. I guess i just feel like i missed out on something that will never happen again.
