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Curious July 2023 East Central London

Walking down the aisle drama

Honey, 29 December, 2022 at 18:48 Posted on Planning 1 12
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Looking for some unbiased opinions please!


I’m not close to my real dad at all. He’s never been there for me emotionally or financially. Despite living 20 minutes away, I only see him around 3 times a year because we’re both busy and it’s always myself who makes the effort to go round. When I told him I got engaged, he was annoyed that my fiancé never asked for his blessing (this is because my dad hates marriage so there was no point asking). My dad wasn’t happy for me and didn’t congratulate me either. He doesn’t believe in marriage. When telling him I’d booked a venue, his lack of enthusiasm was extremely apparent and his girlfriend then ranted on how weddings are a “waste of time” and I’m doing it to “show off” amongst other things. This was at Easter and I left in tears. I’ve only seen him twice since. We had a heart to heart and he blamed our distant relationship on my mum and said she never let him see me which is why we aren’t close. He said if he’d raised me then I’d be different and share his views on stuff. The thing is, I judge him on how he treats me now and it’s not great. Every time I go round, he’s being negative all the time. “Why do I always go on holiday” or “why do I have dogs because they’re bad for the environment” (my dad hates dogs) we have so little in common it’s actually ridiculous. He’s never told me he loves me or he’s proud of me, and this cuts so deep. He has a negative opinion about everything I choose to do in life. In fact he’s never actually shown me love. He hates my family and they hate him because they all think he’s not good enough for me. The only reason I still visit him really is because he has my two sisters who adore me. I’m super close to my mum and my stepdad (my stepdad who has provided for me, and is also very happy for my wedding unlike my dad). I want my stepdad to walk me down the aisle but I’m terrified of the repercussions. I don’t even know if my real dad is attending, but I’m scared he or his drama loving girlfriend will see photos of my stepdad walking mw down and how this could cause a blow up. Right now it’s easiest I walk down the aisle alone - this will mean no drama. However, I’m scared this will hurt my stepdad as we have a wonderful relationship and it’s his only chance to do it. Please advise me? I just want a happy, drama-free wedding.

12 replies

Latest activity by Vita, 3 October, 2024 at 12:11
  • K
    Savvy November 2024 West Midlands
    Katey_84 ·
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    Your wedding, your rules!


    My real father died when I was 8 years old, my mother expected me to ask my step dad to walk me down the isle at my first wedding - not sure why but she assumed. I asked my other brother, that upset her. My stepdad has bullied me ever since he moved in with my mother and she has never believed me!
    Fast forward 17 years, I'm now a divorcee planning my 2nd and hopefully forever wedding. Have I asked my step dad to give me away? No! I've asked my son who will be 16 years old by the time I get married again.
    This is your day, therefore it's your decision! If you have someone that is drama loving and will most definitely cause unwanted drama - ask all guess to refrain from posting your wedding day/reception on social media.
    Please do not worry what others will say or think, this is your day and should be the wedding day you want not a 'people pleasing' one.
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    Someone who wants to create drama will create drama whatever you do, so your best bet is just to get on with planning the wedding you want and ignore them.

    If you don't want him at your wedding, then don't invite him - he's done nothing but criticise you for getting married and seems to have some very outdated ideas about marriage anyway (e.g. you do not need anyone's permission to get married, and certainly not his!)

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  • H
    Curious July 2023 East Central London
    Honey ·
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    Sorry to hear about your real dad, that’s tough. Well done for standing your ground and doing what YOU wanted. I wish I had that mindset - I’m just a massive people pleaser who worries about everything!
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  • H
    Curious July 2023 East Central London
    Honey ·
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    Thank you for responding. It’s awkwardly left as me not inviting them because they were so negative but I haven’t officially told them they’re not invited - it’s so awkward. I don’t want him there, but equally I don’t want to fall out with him/his family…
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  • S
    Beginner September 2024 Essex
    Sophie ·
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    I'm so sorry you have this sort of relationship with your dad...
    I would mention the wedding next time you see your dad and his gf, wait for the negative comments and this will open the door for you to say that because they don't believe I marriage etc then you won't embarrass them by inviting them. I can imagine this will such a difficult conversation to have, so I wish you the best of luck.




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  • H
    Curious July 2023 East Central London
    Honey ·
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    Thank you so much for your response, really appreciate it xx
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  • L
    Curious September 2023 Lincolnshire
    Lauren ·
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    That's awful you don't deserve to be treated like that especially by your own dad! The comment on going on holiday sounds like jealousy to me. Your step dad sounds great though.
    It doesn't make sense to invite anyone who's expressed they don't want to be there. A good wedding isn't an 'all about me' day, it's all about getting everyone who cares about you together and having a good time. I think like others have said you do need to tell him that he's not getting an invite or there will be more drama when they hear it from someone else.
    As for your step dad walking you down the aisle what do you really want? If him not walking you down the aisle will take away some of the worry you can just explain your concerns and make him feel really special in another way. Like a special mention and gift in the speeches that won't be in any photos. Also some brides just walk down on their own for other reasons like not liking the sexism of being 'given away' or it just looks good in the pictures so you're not necessarily spurning anyone.But if it means a lot to you maybe it's worth the drama.
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  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
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    I feel your pain. My relationship with my father is similar. He was happy we got engaged and tells me he loves my but still to this day blames my mother for him not seeing me whilst forgetting his ex played a vital role in keeping us apart with no protest from him. He came to my wedding which I lovely and my mother walked me down the aisle. She wasn't very well at the time but since I was a little girl it was always going to be my mother. My father didn't say anything, was just happy to see me get married which was lovely. In all honestly, its your day, do what makes you happy, if you want your stepdad to walk you down I aisle then ask him. If people have a problem with it we'll that's just it, their problem. Life is you short to make people happy when they haven't treated you the same xx














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  • H
    Curious July 2023 East Central London
    Honey ·
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    Thank you so much for your response! It really has helped me out. You are so right that I can just deal with the consequences afterwards, but have a really wonderful day xx
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  • K
    Beginner January 2023 Michigan
    Kenna ·
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    A good wedding isn't an 'all about me' day, it's all about getting everyone who cares about you together and having a good time. I think like others have said you do need to tell him that he's not getting an invite or there will be more drama when they hear it from someone else. mcdvoice

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  • H
    Beginner July 2023 Hampshire
    HYEAW ·
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    As someone said, it's your day so you can decide. Family politics (sigh)! . Someone I know asked their only brother to walk them down the aisle. It was the perfect solution on this instance. Good luck
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  • I
    Dedicated August 2024 East London
    Ivana ·
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    Right, first off, very sorry about the situation with your dad, not fair on you that him and your mom didn't make it and are now separated. It looks like it is definitely more so to do with him than you about how badly he's treating you. Have you even asked him if he's willing to try and build a relationship with you rather than blaming it on your mom for you guys not having a good relationship. If he's not willing to change his opinions and try and be less negative I don't see why you need to force a relationship of any kind if every time you leave after a meeting with him you are upset. Now in terms of who is walking you down the aisle, if you believe there will be less drama if you walk down on your own then do that. If you explain to your stepdad that you would love for him to walk you down but are afraid your dad will be upset then explain that to him, he might be hurt but then again it is your choice. Honestly, it is about what you want and how you envisioned the day to go. If you want your stepdad to walk you down the aisle let you real dad know, explain the reason behind it, say it how it is, he will be upset and that is for sure but he can only blame it on himself for not trying harder to have a relationship with his daughter. End of the day it is about you. I understand you don't want drama so do what you think is best.

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