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Beginner September 2019

Ways to involve younger girls in family without them being bridesmaids

HappyGreenBridesmaid701, 31 of January of 2017 at 15:04 Posted on Planning 0 4
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Hi everyone, I wondered if you could help me with a dilemma….

Me and my other half got engaged 3 months ago and we’re now starting to think about our wedding. I have pretty much decided on my grown up bridesmaids (I have no sisters but a lot of close friends but this was a difficult task in itself!) but I’m not going to ask any of them until we have set a date.

I had lunch with my aunt last week and I told her that we were starting to think about venues and she jumped in with, ‘so WHAT are you going to do about bridesmaids?’. The reason she asked this is because on her side of the family, there are LOTS of little girls. On top of this I have a 19 year old cousin on my other side of the family, who I definitely want to ask, and my FH’s little cousin as my bridesmaid from the groom’s side, plus, you know… some of my FRIENDS too, ha! So really I’m a little bit spoilt for choice.

I had initially thought I might like the youngest (4 years old) to be the flower girl as I thought she was the only one who had never yet been a bridesmaid already, but apparently another of them has too. They all range from 4-15 years, but as we won’t be getting married for 2/3 years yet, they will of course be much older by the time the wedding comes around. Apparently the eldest (15) has it in her head that she will be chosen (not sure why) and I know the smaller ones want to be as well. The thing is, I’m not sure I’m comfortable choosing one but not the others (some are sisters of each other, other are cousins, but they are all pretty close with each other) but having all of them plus all the others I want is just not feasible.

Do any of you have any tips for a- letting younger girls down easily (I’ve seen a lot of articles about how to tell a friend or sister they’re not a bridesmaid, but less about kids/teenagers), b- letting their parents/other ‘involved’ family members down who might have something to say about it, and c- any ideas of how else I might be able to involve the girls in the wedding without it seeming like a slap in the face? I thought about giving them baskets of flowers to help decorate the ceremony venue before the actual ceremony starts (so they’re like flower girls but not) but that obviously depends on the venue’s rules on petals/confetti, and it might only be appropriate for the younger ones to do.

Any help/advice would be appreciated!!

4 replies

Latest activity by Jayne E, 4 of February of 2017 at 20:45
  • Jayne E
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    Jayne E ·
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    Always a dodgy one! I had 6 young cousins first time round. I had dads only sister daughter and mums only sister daughter but got grief for not having mums brothers kids,. Well tough I could handle it. I did think while reading maybe they could have baskets with the confetti in etc but sounds like you have too many for that as well. It might be better to have friends as bridesmaids and no flower girls and just say i can't have one without the other so I'm having none.

    Whatever you decide will upset someone. It's the nature of weddings I'm afraid. You can't please everyone so please you. Not helpful I know.

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  • PadBin
    Rockstar July 2016
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    I completely feel for you on this one. I had the same problem.

    Me and my husband have been together for 12 years and I always wanted my 2 older sisters as bridesmaids and my best friend as moh but by the time we got engaged my brother had 10 children (don't worry even he thinks that's crazy, lol.) and my sister had 1 and I'm the only one in my family to get married so none of them have been part of a wedding before.

    Everyone expected me to have ALL of them as bridesmaids and page boy. This was never going to happen, we couldn't afford it, I didn't want a huge wedding party and I couldn't pick and chose.

    So I stuck with the plan i always had and just had the 3 adults.

    I just told the parents that I didn't want a huge bridal party and i couldn't pick and choose, you'll need to hold your ground when people try to get around this but once people no you won't budge on the matter there'll be fine.

    I think unless you can think of something that they can all do, it's best to just have them as guests

    The kids loved our wedding and there was no hurt feelings.

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  • It Must Be Love Wedding Photography
    It Must Be Love Wedding Photography ·
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    Ah yes what a dilemma! I love thinking about the origins of wedding traditions - originally bridesmaids were there to look after the bride, and also to dress like the bride so any evil spirits present were confused! So that made me think, what about a lovely girly party before the wedding, were you all get together, do each other's nails (or get someone in), play games, talk about your plans for the wedding etc? It could be like a mini hen party for the youngsters, which could be a lovely bonding experience? Maybe your older bridesmaids could organise this? I know it's more to plan and budget for but it could be a really memorable experience for you all. Hope that helps! x

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  • Paula @ Ollievision
    Paula @ Ollievision ·
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    I think you could make them confetti fairies. So make a big thing of the confetti shot. The girls take around baskets of confetti before the confetti shot to give it out. You have a normal confetti shot with everyone, then a second special shot with just the confetti fairies. You'll need stacks of confetti but I think it will solve the problem!

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  • Jayne E
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    Jayne E ·
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    I really like the confetti fairy idea Paula! I would buy them all a set of wings lol. Much cheaper than a load of flower girl out first. Would make a lovely pic.

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