Wedding Anxiety

Are you getting any help at dealing with anxiety generally? If not, I'd suggest getting some. Maybe look at CBT if you haven't already. There are a lot of different things you can do to minimise/help cope with anxiety, but like everything, it takes time to make these things a solid part of your life, so the sooner you start, the better. I did a free course with our local health board which was really helpful - one of the things they pointed out was that totally avoiding stress is a bad idea, because your 'stress threshold' just gets lower - the key is to gradually increase what you can cope with.

At the same time as learning how to deal with anxiety more effectively, you also need to make sure you aren't landing yourself with way more than you can reasonably cope with. So as far as the wedding goes, my number one tip would be don't get pushed into doing anything that is going to overload you. If you are someone who is not comfortable with being the centre of attention, 10 people feels like a LOT to have at your hen do - I was only considering 4 max!!! And it sounds as if you are maybe getting pushed into doing stuff that you don't really want (e.g. your comment about wanting a one-day hen do but then having a weekend because 'the girls wanted' it - it's YOUR hen do so it should be the length that YOU want!!!) What you actually need to be legally married is a tiny part of what most 'weddings' are - the rest is trimming, so don't be afraid to ditch anything that is going to cause you too much stress.

I totally get how tempting it is to give in to what other people demand - if you get anxious, then saying 'ok, we'll do that instead' is the easiest way out and saves increased anxiety in the short term. The problem is that it actually increases anxiety in the long term.

I would suggest sitting down with your OH and discussing what you feel comfortable with going forward. Agree that and then stick to it. If someone pushes you to change your mind, have a stock phrase that you use to deflect them. E.g. "OH and I plan our wedding together so we don't change anything without mutual agreement" or "Thanks for asking about that - I'll get back to you tomorrow" (and then you can always respond by text or email)

Definitely stick with the CBT - I found it so helpful. It nips that tendency to catastrophise in the bud, and also gives you some really practical tools for coping with difficult situations.

When we were planning our wedding, my anxiety made me feel I didn't want anyone there or any fuss - just the bare minimum to get legally married. But I also had this feeling that if I gave into that, I'd regret it later. So we worked out a wedding that would be special enough to look back on, but not pushing too far out of my comfort zone! We capped ours at 30 people, because going above 30 sent it from 'scary but manageable' to 'not sure I'll actually make it up the aisle'. And we then picked a reception venue that couldn't hold more than 30, so we had a cast-iron excuse not to invite anyone else!!!

I also didn't discuss wedding plans with anyone - the excuse was that 'we want to surprise everyone on the day', but it also meant that because people didn't know what we were doing, they couldn't start telling us that we needed to do it differently!

Wedding anxiety, especially when social anxiety is already part of your life, is incredibly common and nothing you’ve written sounds unreasonable or “over the top”. If anything, it shows how much you care about the people around you and about the day itself.

Something that really helps is accepting that you can’t control everyone’s reactions, only how much access they have to you. Complaints about travel, plans or costs are frustrating, but they’re also not something you need to emotionally carry. One strategy that works well for anxious brides is appointing one calm, trusted person (often a sister or close friend) as a buffer, someone who quietly handles questions, diffuses tension and shields you from unnecessary comments both at the hen do and on the wedding day.

It’s also worth practising anxiety tools in everyday situations so they feel second nature by the time your wedding arrives. Many people with anxiety learn grounding and breathing techniques during dental visits, where nerves are common and managed professionally. Dental clinics in Burwood, Melbourne often work with anxious patients, and places such as Burwood Diamond Dental are known for creating a calm, supportive environment where patients are guided through relaxation and reassurance. If you’re curious about the location, you can see it here click here but the key point is that those same calming techniques translate really well to social situations and big events.

For the hen do, it’s okay to gently reset expectations. A weekend doesn’t have to mean constant togetherness. Building in solo time, quiet mornings or shorter activities can make a big difference. Anyone who truly supports you will understand that managing anxiety isn’t about being difficult, it’s about protecting your wellbeing.

You’re already doing something very positive by recognising your limits and sticking to them (not having bridesmaids is a great example). With boundaries, support and a few coping tools in place, many anxious brides find the day itself feels safer than the lead-up. Has anyone else found that planning “escape valves” ahead of time helped reduce the pressure? 💕