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Rebecca
Beginner April 2023 Greater Manchester

Wedding budget... How do we make it fair with one big family and one small, one contributing and one not??

Rebecca, 20 of November of 2021 at 21:00 Posted on Off Topic Posts 0 9

A bit of advice please...

We've booked our venue, food, music (still a way to go with other suppliers but thanks to covid our wedding is now 2023...) General planning is going pretty well and I feel like I can finally get excited about wedding planning again!

I'm just wondering how everyone is/has managed their budgets... I feel a bit awkward bringing it up, but there's a few things bugging me about our wedding budget. I've always been very independent, owned my own home etc... so maybe I'm just stuck in that mindset. Any thoughts/advice would really be appreciated...

My parents are contributing a significant amount to our wedding, my fiancé's parents haven't offered anything (we've been engaged for 2 years and had the venue booked for at least 6 months)

I have a very small family and my fiancé has a very big one. He has added a lot of family to the guest list (aunts, uncles, distant cousins that I have never met and that he hasn't seen even in the time before covid)

He has recently asked can we add another 2 couples to the guest list (friends of friends who he has socialised with recently)

Really, I want to know - do you think the wedding cost should be split 50/50? Even when the difference in guest numbers and parental contribution is so vast? Am I just being tight? Am I overthinking it?

9 replies

Latest activity by Jess, 23 of November of 2021 at 17:46
  • Louise
    Rockstar March 2022 Devon
    Louise ·
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    This is a tough one, I think traditionally it is supposedly the bridesmaids family who pay but let's be honest, just because it's tradition doesn't mean its the done thing anymore! I have a very small family and my partners is large and my side is probably handling more cost but they have at least put forward some which we r extremely grateful for. Perhaps also they can't afford much? Or prefer to do gifts than money? I would however possibly be capping the guest list before people only recently hanging out with! It's not just a piss up it's a family and important people in your life event that takes a huge amount of planning and execution. But u could use this, say look if u and ur family can afford to pay for a bunch of extras then please do so but I've put forward enough. Is it just u and your family who r contributing? Or is your fiance too?
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  • Louise
    Rockstar March 2022 Devon
    Louise ·
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    Sorry that was supposed to say brides not bridesmaids 🙄
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  • Rebecca
    Beginner April 2023 Greater Manchester
    Rebecca ·
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    View quoted message
    My parents are paying around 50% of the total cost, me & my fiance are paying the rest... I'm trying to limit the guest numbers as much as possible but my thoughts are if he wants to invite additional people then he can pay for them separately rather than from the joint wedding account? 🤷‍♀️

    His parents can definitely afford it, they're very well off. But maybe you're right, perhaps they prefer to give a gift after the wedding instead 👌
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  • Charlotte
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
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    The political hot potato of wedding budgets! Tradition is brides parents pay, but nowadays most couples pay themselves. As your parents are contributing I understand your thought process, but I really don't think it matters and any contribution should come without conditions, that said, I see your point about the guests but you can't do 50/50 really as his side is bigger. I am the same, my side is massive, his is just 4 people, so I will naturally have more but we see it as a whole family coming together rather than mine and his and we are paying for everything as we know our parents can't afford to contribute, which is no issue to us. We took a hard stance on our guest list and have not invited people we have not seen in years, including family. It is easy to get carried away and invite people you have seen recently, but the way we look at it is these people can come to the evening if they are not close friends. We are not having cousins as we don't see them, so would rather have close friends who have been part of our life together. If your numbers are tight then make a cut off point and stick to it, the evening is where you have room to add in more people

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  • Ian
    Beginner February 2022 Lancashire
    Ian ·
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    It doesn't seem fair to just add people to a wedding party simply because you've hung out a few times, for me that's a night guest only person. Family is a little more difficult as everyone seems to want to be invited even if they don't really know you, with the excuse of "we're family". Have you already sent invites out as you can't retract them. Sometimes you may have to have an awkward chat about numbers, we've tried to make ours equal numbers so one side isn't overpowered, Mat has a big family but I have more friends so we kind of even out. anyone that we wanted there but hasn't fit the numbers we've put as a night guest as it's less strict. Table plans, menu choices could all be altered if you have too many people, you just have to say stop, you can't invite everyone you meet, like, or get on with. Write a list, of your side and his, actually seeing it written might make him think twice.
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
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    A wedding is supposed to be about two families being joined together through the marriage, so I always feel that looking to split costs 50/50 between the two families just doesn't feel right. But that's just my view.

    The guest list doesn't have to be 50/50 either - if one of you has a much bigger family than the other, then it makes sense for the person with more relatives to be inviting more guests. But what's important is to work out what you are happy with as a couple and stick to it. If you want to keep numbers below a certain limit, then set that limit and agree you can't go over it. And while the split of guests doesn't have to be 50/50, neither should he be inviting so many distant relations and casual friends that you are having to make a decision as to which of your really close friends get invited.

    This won't be the last time you have a difference of opinion in your relationship, so don't be afraid to have the conversation. Nothing like the present for building up good communication skills that will serve you well in your marriage!

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  • MrsW
    Dedicated May 2022 South West London
    MrsW ·
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    Of course it's up to you, but I think 50/50 is quite difficult to do and you may end up either inviting people just to make up numbers on one side, or not inviting people who one of you really wants to be there. I have a big family and not many friends, my fiancé has a small family but lots of friends. We agreed a cap on numbers (helped by venue capacity) and once we had each chosen all the people who were definites, we discussed the rest and he has ended up with more guests on his side than me. I am paying for the wedding with a little help from my parents on a few things, but as long as we are in budget and I have the people who are important to me I'm not really bothered he has more guests. However, if he or his family are asking for more guests that would take you over budget, that's the time to put your foot down over non essential guests.
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  • T
    Curious November 2023 Devon
    Teri ·
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    My partner has a huge family. When I say huge I mean he has about 40 first cousins and they are ALL close! but he has not once said he wants all of them to come. We are paying for the wedding ourselves and so he completely understands its not possible to have everyone there. There needs to be some give and take and I'm lucky my partner is very reasonable and very laid back. As for family's paying for the wedding, if they want to fine. If they can afford to then fine. I would never expect anyone to pay for my wedding! My mum has never been rich but she's still always given me and my sister everything we needed, so now we are adults we repay that favour to her
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  • Jess
    Dedicated October 2022 Worcestershire
    Jess ·
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    Nowadays, I don't think there is any set formula to how the budget is split between families. I'm the opposite family wise in that I have a big family and my fiancé has a very small family, but my mum is contributing a large amount of money compared to my fiancé - following the tradition that the bride's parents pay for the majority. However, even if it's only contributing for one aspect of the day, I think it's important that your fiancé's family help out in some way. Perhaps you can have a conversation with your fiancé to speak to his parents - in a non-confrontational way - about covering an aspect. For example, I know my fiancé's parents are at least going to cover the cost of the suits for the groomsmen.

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