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Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria

Wedding day worry!

Shay, 9 of November of 2023 at 22:19 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 9
I’m worried about my Mum having no one accompanying her on my wedding day! My Dad sadly passed a few years ago and she only has one friend who cannot attend. On the other hand my MIL & FIL have each other and my MIL is having 3 of her friends there along with their husbands and my Mum is literally on her own and it’s making me feel sad for her. I know she’s told my sister she feels a little sad she’s on her own without Dad but she would never voice this to me as she knows I’m a worrier and would never put that onto me. Am I over thinking this and she’ll be ok? Is there something I can do?

9 replies

Latest activity by Shay, 15 of November of 2023 at 21:46
  • Lea
    Rockstar July 2023 Kent
    Lea ·
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    I'm sure she'll be OK. I asked friends to 'look after' my parents. They would have done it without me asking. My parents being Chinese speak limited English and more than half my guests were non Chinese. My Chinese friends kept them company so they didn't feel left out.

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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 Online ·
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    Will she not be able to be with your sister? Or is your sister a bridesmaid?

    I'm sure she will be fine, but for peace of mind for both of you, why not try to introduce her to another guest you think she will get on with before the wedding. You've got a good few months for them to get to know each other and then she will have a new friend to be with at the wedding.

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  • S
    Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria
    Shay ·
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    Thank you both for your replies! My Mum will by fine, I know I’m being silly I had a moment of worry for her so I did but wanted to see anyone’s replies! My sisters are bridesmaids yes and my 2 best friends in the world are aswell. I just had a thought of when we all got up after the first dance and she had no one to dance with that got to me the other day, which I know is silly!
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 Online ·
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    Do you specifically want parents joining in after the first dance? I've been to a number of weddings where the parents don't dance, so unless there is an expectation (or she loves to dance) she'll probably be ok just sitting. Also, by that point in the day, everyone will know she's the bride's mum, so I expect lots of people will want to talk to her.

    Of course both you and your mum are going to miss your dad on your wedding day - how could you not? But the joy of the day will overcome any momentary feelings of sadness for both of you x

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  • S
    Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria
    Shay ·
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    Thank you for your reply! You’re right, we don’t have to have them join! I just seem to think of every scenario possible. I’m just very protective over my Mum and started to worry. Thank you for your lovely words. X
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 Online ·
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    It's understandable.

    Have you talked to your mum about this and asked what would help her feel more comfortable? Sometimes, it can help just by admitting in advance that yes, there are going to be some bittersweet moments and maybe even some tears because a loved one won't be present, and that is nothing to be ashamed or upset about - it's totally normal. It can also help to talk through how you might want to honour your dad on the day - finding ways that are meaningful to you while not upsetting you or your mum.

    My OH and I both lost our dads before our wedding day and we spent quite a bit of time talking through this area, working out what parts of the day might be difficult, how we might make it easier, how we could reflect our dads in the day without making it too emotive and how, if we did choke up or get tearful, that was totally fine. It really helped.

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  • S
    Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria
    Shay ·
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    Hello! Thank you for your reply! We have actually spoke through it! Just yesterday! She did actually say she does think about being on her own then she thinks of all my friends and she’ll be fine! I told her how we would be honouring Dad and she also said she would like an empty seat for him at the top table. Unfortunately I can’t do that as the table alone seats 6 and all 6 seats are filled. She suggested at the side of the table but I’ve said an empty seat in the church. I’m sorry you both lost your Dads.
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  • R
    VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 Online ·
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    If you can't fit an extra seat in at the reception (which might be a good thing actually, as I think it might be quite hard to deal with the empty space in real life!) then you could always have an extra placecard (if you are having them) for your dad, with maybe 'In memory of' above the name, so he is still 'included' on the top table.

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  • S
    Rockstar July 2024 Cumbria
    Shay ·
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    That is a very good idea! A space for him but not a space as such. Thank you very much!
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