Wedding disappointment help

My situation isn't entirely the same but I appreciate the stress you're suffering.

Me and the Mr have always wanted to get married in Vegas at the little white chapel (utter cheese but that's the fun). Elvis will sing and the whole Vegas shabang. My mum says thr wedding is a farce and my OHs family are laying on the guilt about how difficult it will be to save for the trip and they might have to sell their caravan. I've been putting up with a of this BS fir several months and have come to a conclusion: people are selfish and mean. Your wedding is the one time that you're allowed to be entirely selfish. You and your OH should do whatever will make you happy. Sod everyone else. If you don't have your dream wedding because of a few difficult people you will regret it forever.

I agree with the post above, it is your day so have the day you want. Reading your post though, I think the day you envisaged was with both of your families together.

I am having a similar problem as we are getting married in the south of France as this is where OHs parents live. This has meant some of my family are unable to attend because of the cost involved to fly over there. I have been lucky because my closest family are making it their holiday (and it is a cheap one as we got a reduction on accom) but some I wish could be there cannot make it, particularly one of my aunt and uncles. When we balanced everything up, for the same cost as a wedding in the UK we are getting 5 days in an old cognac estate in an amazing part of the world, and are able to spend more time with the family and friends that can come, a wedding holiday if you like!

where ever you have your wedding you will not be able to please everyone, it's a horrible fact but this is the case for most couples, even with families in the UK.

I am sure your family will come round to the idea with time as well. To some traditionalists it can take a bit of getting used to xx

People will always react badly to something out of the ordinary and a lot of us destination brides have experienced some upset with the amount of people who have an issue with it.

We are going to a small villa outside of Rome as we can have a Catholic ceremony there. My OH is Greek Cypriot and has a huge family, he's not Orthodox though, he's Catholic. It meant we could go away, have a religious ceremony that meant the world to us and keep our major families happy.

We've even gone and paid for accommodation for everybody so people just have to book flights and still people are upset about it and worried about not affording it.

Our guest list is small (70 only), if we were in England we would have had 200+ there. The way I've rationalised it is that there will always be obstacles, people will always find holes to pick. Flights are around £120 return but people say they can't afford it. The same people who spend £50 on gigs once a month or go out drinking Champagne on nights out. In the grand scheme of things it's not much money.

It's your day. It has to be special to you and your OH. If having a religious ceremony is important to him then you could explain this to your families. Even now, I'm at the point where I just want to run off to Vegas and completely elope.

It does sound like you'd be devastated if you didn't have your family there to see you get married and this is something you'll need to think about.

I am kinda of the same situation. My family is back in Brazil and his family is over here.

In the end, we just did a type of scales, where we put where we had more people closer to us, and UK won. I also thought was a great excuse for my family to come over and see where I leave (my brother has never been!) and enjoy bits of the British traditions, seeing I am British now.

Most of our friends are here, I have a minimal numbers of close friends still in Brazil and I am not sure if my extended family would attend anything back home. So we decided to do it here. I might do a dinner afterwards in Brazil to celebrate it with them, but I might also transmit it over the internet for those who want to see it that way.

You could always do it half way through, so both families had to travel (but not so far) and you wouldn't be taking sides. You would also separate those who really want to be there as they are the ones who would make it.

Hope it gets sorted out soon for you,

xx

I do understand. My HTB's family is English, my family is American and Swiss. I have no family here at all. I did toy with the idea of buying tickets and accomodation for my family, but it was just undoable within my budget. Luckily his family are lovely, and I feel very close to them. I love them so that helps ease some of the ache of my family's absence. Do what YOU want to do. It is after all only one day, and YOUR day. *hugs*

Thank you everyone! I see a trend in all your advice, it is MY day. I knew I wouldn't be the only one in this situation, but I feel so much better hearing your stories and I feel a lot less selfish now! It means so much to me that you took the time to offer your advice. Best wishes to you all and your OHs!

Lil_2004 I am in exactly the same situation as yourself but the other way round! I'm English and my husband to be is Brazilian! We are getting married here as he feels more British than Brazilian now - hopefully most of the family will be able to make it! X

We are in similar situations, H2B and I are from Zimbabwe but all of my family are here (from here originally) But only his Mom, Uncle and one sister live here. We are getting married in UK (although this in itself has caused surprise and upset) but OH feels really bad that more of his family can't be with him on our big day, it is just too expensive for them to come over. He misses his Brothers the most as would love to have one of them as best man. So we have said we will get married here then fly over there for a small blessing and then a dinner for the friends and family there, same as one of your ideas JoBeth27. We will then stay on there for the honeymoon.

If you want to elope do it! It is your day and you are right in the end as long as you and H2B have a happy day to remember what else matters?

(plus eloping is sooooo romantic!)

My cousin had a similar issue and instead they did three weddings, and instead of it being to do with families being separate, they invited everyone to all three, and said "come to what you can", that way it didn't feel like segregation, and in the end some people were happy to hop the countries once they got excited about the idea. I've shot for quite a lot of people having multiple weddings in multiple countries, I think it's part of the beauty of multiculturalism, it's more common than you'd think!

A-ha! I see the reason for your "Namorada" alias then

Is your wedding too far ahead? Make sure to tell everyone there with plenty of time, as tickets get more expensive the longer you leave to book!

Boa sorte!

Don't want to hijack OP thread, so if you want to chat more about it, feel free to email me!