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M
Beginner July 2012

Wedding Disaster!

Mrs_B_2_be, 24 February, 2012 at 23:04 Posted on Planning 0 14
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Hi ladies, I really need and would greatly appriciate your advice!

So we were originally booked to get married this year on the 23rd July but wedding plans started getting out of control and the number of wedding guest just seemed to grow and grow and grow! and what started out as a simple wedding turned into an £11k budget so we decided that with 2 small children and myself being a full time student we decided to cut our losses and loose the £500 deposit and save up for a few more years(we booked the venue in 2010).

since the my H2B mum and dad who were both seperated from each other for about 7 years got back together it got messy and they both seperated again after a month going back to there respective partners, so as you can imagine they dont get on with each! never mind with a few wedding drinks added into the mix!

so last year me and H2B decided that we really did want to get married but this time our way and without everyone one thinking here we go again! so booked the mill forge in gretna green for the 16th July this year, we were only wanting ourselves and our children and parents to go we get married at 11:30 in the morning and fly out for our honeymoon 6pm that evening.

Well my sister who lives in Australia got engaged at christmas and is getting married this december out in malaysia and it was expected of us to go over and see her get married, we looked into it and for a family of 4 it would cost us in the region of about £8k which there is no way we could afford that even if we wernt getting married ourselves, well it totally blew up my sister has pretty much disowned me my mum hasnt even talked to me in the last 5 weeks she's said some pretty awful things which are unforgivable, H2B's parents even got involved seeing how upset i was so now everyone is at loggerheads!

So how on earth am I supposed to ask them to come to my wedding, We though about not telling anyone and just sneaking away but mine and h2b's parents would be devestated and I do want them there. Now Im worrying that my family will think I'be booked me wedding quickly to spite my sister! what am I supposed to do? please help

14 replies

Latest activity by Mrs_B_2_be, 26 February, 2012 at 20:44
  • O
    Beginner August 2012
    olderbride ·
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    Oh dear what problems our families cause for us all at wedding times!

    in my honest opinion expecting you to spend so much money to attend your sisters wedding is a tall order. if it was me i wouldnt be able to justify it however much i wanted to go. I know it will be difficult but i think you have to try and treat the two weddings as two totally seperate issues. I think you should invite them still but also say that unfortunately you will not be able to attend theirs as you cannot afford! Be honest and hopefully they will all understand.

    Good luck

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  • C
    Civil Ceremonies ·
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    Anyone who chooses to get married abroad should not 'expect' anyone to go to their wedding and if anyone can afford it then it's a bonus. Don't feel pressured into agreeing to something you can't afford, especially when you have had to cut back on your own wedding. Your family are out of order giving you the guilt trip.

    To be honest, if someone (Sister or not) expected me to be at their wedding abroad for 8k I'd think they had gone off their rocker!

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  • M
    Beginner July 2012
    Mrs_B_2_be ·
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    I just wish I had of told everyone I booked gretna green, but because no one knows about it and Im not talking to my family at the minute how do I even approach the subject "mam dad sorry I cant go to my sisters wedding but do you want to come to mine instead?" there going to freak out!

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  • C
    Civil Ceremonies ·
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    Meant to add, just invite them and then it's up to them. if they bring up your sister's wedding just say you can't afford it and that's the end of it.

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  • M
    Beginner July 2012
    Mrs_B_2_be ·
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    They've definetly gone off their rockers! they actually said to me its your sisters wedding not a day out you havent even tried saving up, thers no ways i could even save up £8k in a year im not even spending anywhere near that on my own wedding never mind my sister.

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  • M
    Beginner July 2012
    Mrs_B_2_be ·
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    I think thats the best way just invite them and if they dont come then they dont come, do you think i should post an invite or approach the subject verbally first?

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  • C
    Civil Ceremonies ·
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    In the circumstances I would go with the verbal,approach first but not until I absolutely had to.

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  • Rhys Parker
    Rhys Parker ·
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    View quoted message

    Gob smacked...

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  • ~Lee~
    Beginner October 2012
    ~Lee~ ·
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    Is there anyway that maybe just YOU could go to her wedding? Can you find a cheap flight, stay for a couple of days and then fly home? I can't imagine not having my sister at my wedding.

    I think you need to talk to your parents AND your sister about your wedding.

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  • K
    Beginner July 2012
    kittypuss85 ·
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    I love my sister dearly, we are close, but if she chose to get married abroad and expected me and my family to pay £8000 to go and see her get wed, she would be told where to stick it! But then i know my sister would never presume to get married abroad and that everyone would come. the exact same reason we didnt go with our first plans of getting married in new york.

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  • 3d jewellery
    3d jewellery ·
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    Bit of a no win scenario as if you don't invite them they may also think you have done that to spite them. Have you got a booking receipt to show that you did book before you knew. Maybe sit down you your H and your parents and tell them that you just want to say something and that they can speak at the end. Write it out first if you need to, factually, so that if it disintigrates you can just say that you can't continue but can they read what you have put after you have gone.

    I see that your sister lives in Australia so it was probable that she would have got married abroad either way.8k is an incredible amount to have to find for anyone. Maybe your mum is also worried about finding that amount and is annoyed about that too but it is all coming back on you. Do not give in and get yourself in debt.

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  • B
    bluehouse ·
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    Hi. Its nice to here that you getting married but if your family dint want to involve in it without any expenditure then leave it an try to make your wedding wonderful with the help of your HB.

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  • M
    Beginner July 2012
    Mrs_B_2_be ·
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    Thankyou for all the replies ladies!

    I did mention to my mum that It could possibly be just me that would go over and the response i got was "well what is the frigging point in that, she wants you all there!". I also said that I was prepared to get a bank loan to help me out with costs but that didnt seem to bother them.

    going to meet up with them hopefully sometime this week and I'll let you all know how it goes. xx

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