wedding for shy people

We're having 50 for the ceremony and 90 for the evening my partner is very shy so we decided not to have speeches as we would both stumble and stutter our way thru. If anyone from the bridal party wants to say something then they can but me and h2b won't be standing up apart to say thanks for coming and enjoy. I'm worried about standing infront of 50 people saying my vows but I've decided I'm going to keep my back to them and just look at h2b and registrar and keep my voice fairly quite so I won't feel that everyone is looking and listening to me. Make it the day you both want. You don't have to follow tradition!

There is no such thing as a "proper" wedding. Everyone's wedding should be individual to them, and if you only want a few people there, then that is absolutely fine.

My H2B has NO family at our wedding - not a single sole, following family fall outs for various reasons. He also has only one friend that is truly "His" - all the rest are either my family, friends that were mine before we met but that are now "ours" or work colleagues. He too is very aware of it, and I was very much expecting to have just a tiny handful of people at a registry office ceremony followed by a pub lunch, type of thing. But we've ended up with 60 daytime and 130 evening....of which just the one mate of his is "on his side". However, the difference is that the bigger wedding is his doing, not mine - sometimes I do wonder where it all came from and why we aren't doing the tiny weeny ceremony instead! Same applies for the stag do - first off he said he couldn't have one because he had no one to invite. Now he is having a small bash, but very much on his terms rather than some 4 day extravaganzer in Eastern Europe that he won't remember!

I would suggest having a real big chat with your fiance to discuss what, and who is important for your day. There will be elements of compromise, but please remember that none of it, other than the actual marriage bit has to be done....if you don't want to do a speech, don't do one. If you don't want a first dance, don't have one, etc. There are no rules.

Do stick around - although there are not many grooms on this forum, you will always find somewhere you can vent, mope, ask questions, and the good ladies of Hitched (and the occasional bloke) will give you their honest opinions and advice, and will try and help you and your fiance have a wedding that is as perfect as it can be for you two.

Awww I'm sure you'll be able to overcome this. Firstly, you can stop worrying about the speech - just say you're not doing one! I'm a wedding photographer and it's relatively common for a speech to be missed, either by the groom or FOB. The best man's speech is the main one people look out for, though some weddings drop speeches completely. That looks like it's going to be the best option for you.

I think another key area for you will be choice of photographer. You need someone you can feel at ease with and who will spend some time getting to know you before the wedding.

Another thing to consider is booking a course of CBT to address your shyness. This could really help you in the longer term as well as on the wedding day.

Ah bless you! Congrats on your engagement though and don't fret! You have no need to.

Speeches - you don't have to do one. We aren't having them at ours as OH and Best Man are quite shy so no point putting pressure on them for something they don't want to do.

The number of people at your wedding wont matter either, not when you are marrying the love of your life and you are looking into her eyes you will forget that everyone is there and she will help you through.

Just try and enjoy, you only get one wedding day (in theory) so make the most of it if you can

Im quite an outgoing lively person so most people overlook the fact that I get crippling stage fright... I dont know why but I cant stand in front of people talking, I giggle and literally collapse and cant look at any one

I found HAVING to stand in front of people has helped lots... 3 years ago I had to do a job interview sitting down facing the wall (needless to say I didnt get the job) then through my course I had to give small presentations in front of 2 or 3 lecturers and in my new job I give presentations every week and im getting much better (although I still giggle and forget things in front of bigger crowds)

maybe try joining a club or group and trying to force your self to do it... practice really does help with everything and you may also make new friends

many clubs are very supportive and very rarely will people care about your look, maybe try a photography club or car club etc... where the focus is more on the model/subject than yourself and build up to more

Forget about the speeches - you don't need them. But you have the small wedding you're not only going to be upset yourself as your twin can't attend, but your bride is also going to be upset, as it sounds like she'd like her family there.

I'm sorry to be so blunt with you but I think you need to speak to your GP/a therapist about your anxiety issues. You say you don't have any friends which is really worrying to be honest. It sounds like your fears are prohibiting you from having a normal social life. That's pretty serious and is probably making you more anxious.

There are things that can be done about the blushing. Speak to your GP. There is medication that can alleviate blushing.

If you address this issue head on it will not only affect your wedding positively but your life generally. Don't forget your wedding isn't going to be the only larger scale social situation you'll ever be in. I'm sorry to be blunt, but you need to get this sorted... Avoiding these situations is punishing yourself and affects the people you love.

Good luck!

Hi all

thanks for all the lovely replies

we went to the registry office today to have a quick view of the rooms for the ceremony, the first was a tiny little room for just four guests, which i kinda wanted but my OH didnt really like it, the next room was the the main bigger room for 60 guests (which will only be half full on day) we also booked the interview thing for next week, im now crapping my self at the thought of standing infont of these people saying my vowels, but i done it for her as deep down she wanted more then just our parents present.

this is what is worrying me:

the ceremony - i know my cheeks are gonna be bright pink the whole time

signing the book - now we have to face them all and have pictures another red monment

stagg do - as i have no friends to invite i dunno what to do, do i have to have one?

the party after - ive never had a party for me and the thought of it scares me and of course i have no one else to invite to it, im dredding some one asking "so where's all your mates then?"

speeches - i feel i have to say something and i actually want to its just the rest of her family are coming so god knows how many people will be there, but i know it least 60 more....

i dont know weather i can go though with this....

Ok, first things first - you don't have to have a stag do. So much pressure is put on people to do bigger and better stag and hen bashes now, but really you don't need to do anything.

The vows - when you go to your appointment next week you will be given a book with the choices of vows in. They range from very short and simple, to longer more traditional vows. So you can choose the shortest simplest ones if you want. Or if you prefer you can write your own - sometimes if you have come up with the words yourself it is easier to say, sometimes it is easier to have the standard ones that you just repeat after the registrar. There is no need to make the decision which ones you choose until closer to the day, so you have plenty of time to practice. (I have a habit of speaking too quickly when nervous, so I'm often having a little practice to try and get myself to slow down!).

Signing the register - you'll be concentrating on writing your name - most brides and grooms by this stage have shaking hands because they are nervous/excited or whatever, so you won't be alone - so most of the photos will be of you with your head down, not facing straight into the camera lens. Let them have one or two photos - you don't have to have a framed copy if you don't like them! Chances are, you won't even realise that you're having your photo taken, you will be on cloud 9 just to be married.

The party - can be as low key and informal as you like. If you don't like the idea of a formal big bash, have an informal BBQ, or hire a pizza oven, or do festival food - there are so many choices so that it isn't obvious how many guests are from each side of the family. Likewise, the speeches - you can just choose an appropriate time to ting your glass and have a quick thank you to everyone for coming. You'll find that 9 grooms and best men out of 10 are nervous about their speeches....you certainly are not in the minority.

You can do this - visualise everything going well, and it will do.