Wedding planning anxiety

I suffer with anxiety but most of mine is centered around the day itself. Luckily for me the planning has been quite straight forward and everyone has pretty much left us to get on with it. I've avoided telling people too much as well so they can't but in with their opinions!

I've picked a venue with a lot included already and they will do a lot for us so I don't have to plan as much. I've taken out everything we really don't need and am keeping things simple. We're not having fancy cars, I'm staying at the venue the night before and my hair and makeup artist is coming to do any beauty treatments I want. I'm only having one bridesmaid and think that has reduced stress and made things a lot easier.

It's not worth making yourself ill over so if you really think it's going to be too much would your oh consider eloping? Or you could have a very small wedding with just close friends and family? You could get married abroad just the two of you and then have a party when you get home? There's lots of options out there, wedding planning doesn't have to be stressful.

Hello!

I suffer with anxiety after having a very bad depressive spell in my life. I am also organising my wedding and am finding anxiety does play a part. However, it can be controlled/managed :-)

Going to look at your specific issues....

"I'm not orginally from where we live now (where my fiance is from) and wish to get married in my home town. He's fine with this, even suggested it, but I'm scared of telling his family because they will have to travel 3+ hours and I know there'll be some disgruntled people over this."

Main thing - it is YOUR wedding. You have the final say on things with your partner. Tell your partner you are scared and ask if he can break the news and explain to his family how important it is for you to marry in your home town (particularly as it sounds as if you live near your in-laws)

It makes sense for him to break the news to his family and he should be able to deal with any fall out (I find people grumble and moan more about weddings than anything else - most still attend!)

"People having their 2 cents! I'm the first to plan a wedding in my family and of my friends and so I thought they'd need encouraging to be involved (ha!) My mum has been listing potential venues, my sister has asked a thousand questions (will she be a BM? Will she have to wear pink? Etc.) and now my best friend has just said we need to talk because she's got an idea for a theme! What?!"

This is normal. People get excited. You have two options. 1 - Do it all yourself and tell them you want to surprise everyone. 2 - Get them involved but tell them to calm down and give them specific tasks - this might work to your advantage as they can source local suppliers for the wedding and take some stress from you - always make sure they know you need final sign off on everything. As it is your friends/family do make sure they know you are anxious - don't hide it. If you do panic then at least they will understand.

"Reading threads on here has also terrified me! We want to get married next summer but people here plan for years?!"

I got engaged 1/1/15 and am mayying 10/10/15.

With anxiety/stress issues that is long enough I assure you! Lol!

I think a lot of it is saving the money up - we have nearly broke ourselves saving over 9 months but are happy with this. I do often tell OH that I couldn't have planned over anything longer. Make sure you have the big things in place (venue, tog, bridal party etc)

"It makes me want to elope Can anybody relate? And has anyone planned a wedding who suffers with a condition like anxiety got any tips?"

Write lists. Make realistic deadlines. Keep it simple. Think of one thing not the whole thing (this causes me meltdowns!) Just meet the deadlines. If you do that you are winning.

Delegate - use your partner and your family - even if they just seek out information for you to review - one of the hardest jobs for me was to identify the potential suppliers who could give me what I wanted for the right price.

Finally something a friend said to me..... what do people look at on the wedding day? The dress. The drink. The food. The dress you have already ordered and looks fab so thats sorted. The drink and food are the problem of the hotel - if it goes wrong they will look stupid not you - it isn't actually your problem!

So with dress sorted, and the hotel managing the other important things, you have nothing to worry about!!!

(This has calmed me down so thought it was worth sharing!)

What misslynx has said is excellent advice. We only have 10 months between getting engaged and getting married purely because the idea of a long period of planning and discussing weddings fills me with dread! My mum was very flappy, sending me screenshots, photos and emails multiple times a day while I was at work which nearly tipped me over the edge but I found giving her an actual list of things to do has worked wonders, rather than just chatting about wedding planning. I have also stopped discussing what we are doing until we've actually committed so people don't give their two cents on it (and if they did, I would then just not discuss it with them).

we are having a civil ceremony and the beauty of these are you don't have to have anything traditional if you don't want to, i.e rings, a cake, dresses, speeches etc. If these things fill you with dread you can always give them a miss.

I agree with the above post. Some people plan for a long time and some plan things quickly. Let your OH deal with his family regarding location of wedding. After all one set of family and friends will have to travel. One option is to lay on a coach to transport everyone together possibly?

If you decide you want a small wedding or a wedding abroad do it, it's your day. And OH of course.

if you feel you really can't cope consider a wedding planner so you only have to deal with telling them what you want and ok what they source?

if you really want to do this yourself but still feel overwhelmed why not write or speak to all your key players explaining how you feel with the panic and see if each person can investigate one item as per the above post.

or just say it's a surprise as mentioned. Mine is a surprise. January wedding all planned ish and no one being told until September. I've been Ill and couldn't handle the interference / help / stress.

It will all work out whichever way you go but it might be a good idea to set some ground rules and explain your concerns before things cause you a problem. X

Thank you for your advice and reassurance. I like the idea of keeping it a surprise, I think that would work with most people. I probably will at least talk to my Mum about how it's making me feel. I think giving her tasks to do will make things easier for me and definitely make her happy!

I like the idea of choosing a venue that sorts most things and lists are definitely going to be my best friend!

Thank you for taking your time to reply to me, I really appreciate it

When things start to get you down you can always say to everyone that you're having a wedding free week with no discussion or planning for the next however many days. Ban the subject. It will drive them mad but give you a breathing space to collect yourself again. Or give you time to book what you want before their opinions are given. Then you can say oh such a shame that's already sorted lol.

Good luck.