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Beginner June 2025 West Yorkshire

Wedding Planning & Groom Etiquette??

Kieran, 24 September, 2024 at 23:41 Posted on Planning 0 3

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Hi All,

I’m new to this and don’t really like to post publicly but in dire need of guidance.
My Fiancé and I are due to get married later next year and currently in the planning process which we are fully embracing and loving. Planning and looking at all the aspects of a Punjabi Wedding. Attending wedding exhibitions and seeing what we see our wedding day to be.
We recently did part one of our wedding which was hosted by us (groom side). My fiancé was fully involved in all decisions and the day totally had our touch across it and you could tell it was about us. My parents embraced it being our day and led us to lead with decor, style, music etc and them dealing with the cultural/religious side of their ceremony.
We are now planning our Main Indian Wedding which is a big day and down to my in-laws to host.
I’m struggling as my father in law is taking reigns on all the decision making and more or less doing what he thinks he likes or sees fit for the wedding as he says he’s paying. As a groom and this being the main day with all my family and friends in attendance I currently have no input or don’t know what to expect. My fiancé has very little input as she doesn’t and can’t vocalise to her father. I’m so worried and anxious that this is the one big day of my life and it doesn’t reflect me or my fiancé. It’s not the day I dreamt of and possibly will be a day that doesn’t reflect us to the world.
All the things we dreamt and wished for may not be apart of it.
My question is - to what level is grooms input and brides father input in the planning and organising all elements of the Wedding.

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Latest activity by RomanticGreenStationery27135, 27 September, 2024 at 13:17

Curious November 2025 Essex
Sie · 26 September, 2024 at 16:52
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I guess a lot of it boils down to who is paying for it and wether they would take your wishes into account.
I have been to a colleagues big traditional Asian wedding, and boy was it amazing abd l thoroughly enjoyed it. I picked an Asian outfit for myself to wear as a mark of respect for their beliefs and everyone thanked me.

However the groom did say to me afterwards that his family took over and he and his bride had no part in the planning other than she got to choose her dress. As it was a Muslim wedding, the young couple planned a register office ceremony separately to make it legal and had everything the way they wanted.From what l understand it is quite a complex cultural thing and pressure for the host family to go all out to impress guests. Traditions and deep rooted beliefs on how things should be done may be difficult to battle.
You could try sitting down with both your parents together and explain how you and your fiancee feel and how you would like things to be. Be polite and don't forget to appreciate your future father in laws offer to pay for it and you may be able to reach a compromise.
If he won't budge then l would perhaps think about doing what my friend did and having a separate day that is exactly what you and your fiance want.
I hope this is of use?
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Curious November 2025 Essex
Sie · 26 September, 2024 at 17:00
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I forgot to mention. A traditional English wedding is hosted by the brides family.
These days many couples pay jointly or their families may contribute, it depends on the circumstances.
As to how much input the bride and groom have, of course it is their big day and they should have what they want but some families can be difficult to deal with.
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VIP July 2020 Monmouthshire
RomanticGreenStationery27135 · 27 September, 2024 at 13:17
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The answer to your question is 'it depends'.
Cultural expectations of weddings vary hugely, and it can be a cause for major clashes/disappointment when different family members have different expectations. Especially when the younger generation is perhaps more Westernised in their view of weddings while the older generation are still firmly traditional! Also, those who are paying for the wedding usually expect to have some/a lot of control in how it is run.
Ultimately, it's up to you and your fiancée as to how much you are prepared to fit in with parental expectations and how much you are determined to promote your own viewpoint. Talk it through with her first and then decide if/how you are going to approach her parents. (Sometimes, it can help if you have an older family member/friend who is a little more pro-change who might be prepared to try and bridge the gap between you and your parents). Do bear in mind though that if you are going to insist on doing things your way, you should also be prepared to foot the bill - you shouldn't expect father-in-law to fork out for a wedding he doesn't agree with!
Whatever you decide, I'd bear in mind two things. The first is that parental expectations don't just kick in over weddings - your in-laws are likely to have strong views on other aspects of your married life too, and also on when you should have children and how you should raise them! So it's important that you and your fiancée agree now as to where you are going to draw the line on parental interference and stick to it. Otherwise, you are going to be having similar problems throughout your marriage.
The second thing to bear in mind is that your wedding day is just one day, albeit a very important one - so while it's great if you can have a day that 'reflects' you as a couple, it's not always worth creating huge family fallout just to get the wedding that you want. You might be better off accepting that your wedding is not going to be everything that you wanted, and just concentrating on building a strong marriage instead. Focus on making sure the relationship with your in-laws works well for the long-term, not just for one day.
Best wishes as you navigate this tricky area!
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Wedding Planning & Groom Etiquette??

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