What are you NOT having? ~ Simple Wedding updated with flashes

Marrying in.Lapland in the ice chapel with just two friends who are on holiday with us.

I'm having a wedding dress and fur jacket.

Reindeer sleigh to the chapel

Silk bouquet for me and buttonhole for OH

Photographer for just one hour for before during and after pic.

A meal for 4 in a restaurant and first dance outside in the snow.

Xmas cake with wine after the meal in the hotel bar

The nice bit of the Finnish (civil) wedding is rings so we bought two from Warren James for less than 40.00 total. We might not wear them after either but it doesn't matter.

Not having any other guests.

No veil or tiara - nothing on my head

Not spending the night before apart

Hes already seen my dress and helped me choose it

Not having bridesmaids

Not having a party once home.

Not having speeches.

Not having a garter or bouquet throw etc

Not having anyone give me away I'm walking to him alone

Keep the bits you like and ditch the rest. Doesn't have to be all or nothing. Yes I'm Having a small cake but we won't make a big deal of cutting it.

Not long to go now. I love the Ice chapel ❤️

9 weeks tomorrow eek! Can't wait. It will be such an emotional day for us.

You dont have to have a wedding-y wedding

I was reading a forum on 'the worst weddings you've been to' and one person recounted a wedding that sounded amazing to me, no idea how it was 'bad' I personally think the woman moaning was just a tradition snob she actually didnt even know the couple and was just a +1.

apparently everyone drove up to a cabin they hired in the mountains, they hung feathers from trees to make the route and the bride and groom wore hand made leather (native american style) and said their vows in front of a lake with all their dogs then rode off across a lake to the cabin in a canoe with their dogs swimming beside them then back at the cabin they had a candle lit band and bonfire with bbq.

to be honest of all the weddings ive attended ive only even seen 1 cake get cut, were not having wedding transport either as I think its a huge wast of money and we not doing speaches (stage fright galore) and I also hate wine and champaigne so no to that too (you bottles sound cute ?) and our only flowers will be the bouquet's and I hate big dresses too (comfort and movement is a big thing for me)

I dont think you need all the bells and whistles, straying makes it more personal but in the long run you may wish you had some photo's to look back on even if they are not 'posed and traditional' ones, just ones of everyone having fun and celebrating together... sometimes the little memories you can keep really make it

Id be really curious to see what your alternatives are such as what your wearing, will you be doing a flash? ?

Sounds fab to me!

Second marriage for us, and I wasn't going to have a 'proper' dress until I went to play dress up as I didn't get the trying on dresses first time either (had always vowed I'd make my own dress), and then fell in love with one and thought why the hell not. Already had a lovely dark blue one (didn't fit) and then a gorgeous burgundy evening dress I bought from a friend.

I don't want speeches, but OH's best man will feel put put if he can't say anything. If anyone has to toast anything it's with whatever drink is in their hand - though I'm sure OH will try and get something fizzy in. I don't like champagne much...

A naked cake - plain sponge cake from a supermarket would do me, with a bit of icing sugar and fruit dusted on it, but I'm vegan and can't bake vegan cakes ☹️

Saving paper and invites etc by internet, except for OH's mum and aunts as they are older and would expect a formal invite.

Got no transport at the moment either - can't justify the cost so will see who can give each of us a lift on the day

We can't stray from the set vow options, so can't change much there.

And no favours either.

Although I do want decent photos (used to be a bit of a photographer when I was younger, so this is important), the rest can be as simple as possible for me. I k now the OH wants it a bit more weddingy, but for me it's the ceremony that cements things, and a meal down the pub afterwards would have been fine. We don't have a very big budget, but even if we did I don't think I could justify spending any more than what we are on just one day, which in my mind is more of a show for everyone else anyway.

Initially I wanted my family there as it might be the last time we're all together (my aunt and uncle are mid 70's now), and I've not seen my cousins in years, and to have friends join us in the evening, but the closer we get, the more people are saying they may not come as they can't work out time off/logistics etc so far in advance (date is in august), the more part of me is wondering for who's benefit it all is - the hall, the food, the music etc....

My ex remarried a few years back on April Fools day - just him, his Mrs, his sister, mum and step dad, then mum treated them to lunch in the pub. Don't think they even dressed up. Starting to think it was maybe the right option as I doubt the whole thing cost more than a couple of hundred quid. The end result is still the same.

In the end it's whatever makes you happy. I don't see the point of spending money on something just because it's the done thing. Everyone will be different, and this wedding will be very different to my first as different things are important this time round.

And I love the odea I've read on here about everyone bringing their own contribution to the catering. Would certainly do that if family weren't dotted all over the country ?

Lol I will put some flashes up!
I love the description of that wedding by a lake and the dogs, etc. Sounds great.

I am wearing a dress (which I never usually do) I have had this dress for years but I have never worn it as it is very small. I need to lose about a stone before I can fit into it.

My partner and I don't drink alcohol and the meal is in the daytime so I am going to get bottles of sparkling fruity stuff it's in champagne style bottles so a bit 'special'.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/White-Pearl-Alcoholic-Grape-Sparkling/dp/B00WS9JZAW/ref=sr_1_9?ie=UTF8&qid=1446553992&sr=8-9&keywords=sparkling+fruit+drink

We'll only be having a small glass each if that so it should be ok.

You are stage fright suferers too? ️?️

I think its easy to get lost in all the wedding stuff and think everyone has a big white traditional wedding but it's probably not the case in real life.

@kizzi10000 I thought the idea of inviting people early is so they can book time off etc? I don't get why that might be an issue

As far as transport goes, I will be driving myself! and OH unless he makes other arrangements. You will have to let us know what catering arrangements you make, I am vegetarian myself and some caterers still don't seem to 'get' this

Being as there are only four of us we will all be travelling from the hotel to the ice chapel together too. Although my friend and I will be dropped off en route to meet up with the reindeer sleigh. But I'm not paying for two seperate taxis. Would rather put that money towards our meal!

The husband of one of my cousins has a job where they are allocated a couple of weeks off in the summer, so she won't know until at least the beginning of the year when it will be, and she's said they will be using it for their holiday. No guarantees if he could get extra time off at a weekend to come ☹️

My other cousin has 3 boys, the youngest of which is a right horror, and I think she's dreading the long journey and trying to keep him behaved during everything. Just feels like a bit of an excuse - don't think I've seen her in over a decade.

Was contemplating driving myself (would mean borrowing the OH;s car), but am treating myself to a make up lady (never usually wear the stuff, but wanted to look reasonably good on the day even if she doesn't put much on), and I don't think I could drive in the dress lol

Yep, me and my patner do drink but I have a rule that I never get drunk at weddings (I think its very disrespectful to make a scene on someone elses day) but my OH is of the mind set the drunker the better a weddings so im trying to figure out a way to 'pace' everyone so no one get steaming drunk, im certainly not doing an open bar no matter how much people object lol

those bottles are adorable, I was thinking of getting some juice from Ikea to serve for the children and non drinkers ?

http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/40226766/

http://www.ikea.com/gb/en/catalog/products/20226767/

I get terrible stage fright which people probably dont get because I use to act and dance and im quite loud when im with friends but its always when part of a big group where you blend in to everyone else, im not sure I can face everyone looking at me alone, when im alone in public I shut down and even struggle to answer simple questions lol - my fiances the same, he struggles to talk even in small groups of people he knows

I like the look of those drinks. The one I was going to order has fructose-glucose syrup added but I don't suppose it will kill anyone in such a small quantity.

Same for me, I'm a bit worried about the actual ceremony to be honest in terms of shyness.

My OH doesn't get stage fright as he is used to public speaking but we have two guests only and don't want a speach. However I do want to thank them. I have a tin with reindeer on into which I'm putting their buttonholes, hand and feet warmers and a card or scroll thanking them for coming and being a part of our day. I will give it her the night before but you could always the written thank you on each place setting instead of a speach. Sort of we wanted to avoid speaches but take this opportunity to thank you.

I AM having shoes though ????

We didn't have:

a 'wedding' dress (although I did wear white)

Bridesmaids, ushers, MOH or BM

Dancing or evening reception - no 'first dance'

'wedding' cake

special cars or transport

champagne

speeches

additional vows

a honeymoon

But we had favours, invitations and I had a bouquet.

One wedding is always different to another wedding- so don't worry and don't judge your wedding on the standards of anyone else. As long as you and your OH are happy, that's all that matters.

There are some things very 'wedding-y' (in my opinion) I've shied away from;

- Wedding favours; to me this is just an extra, unnecessary expense.

- Wedding dress; I am having white dress, but it's just a tea length one. Quite casual and dressy at the same time, haha. My sister proceeded to tell me I didn't look like a bride - that was nice of her, wasn't it?!

- Buttonholes; I've had people tell me I have to buy button holes for groom, best man, fathers, grandfathers, mothers, grandmothers. I really can't be bothered- I know that they're not too expensive, but I just don't know why they need them. So will probably be sticking to just one for the groom and one for the best man.

- Champagne; was very expensive at our venue, so we toyed with non-alcoholic cocktails which came out only 50p cheaper! So we opted for elderflower and soda water, with a strawberry on the side for 50p a glass! Looks like champagne in the photos too!

- No wedding DJ; we're having a wedding breakfast at 4pm and have the same room with our own bar for the entire night in the hotel. We didn't want a DJ as we didn't think it was worth the cost for no-one dancing, so we're thinking up games to play (family pub quiz, wedding bingo) to get everyone talking to one another instead. We'll have a playlist rolling round int he background, courtesy of Spoitfy or Google Play music Although I wanted a first dance, I'm struggling to figure out how to fit it in without making it cheesier than it is!

I suppose to some people, the things I've left out aren't that extreme - but to others they are! Everyone has different views!

I need to keep away from people and not talk about the wedding so i can just arrange what I want without any help or interference. I have to invite people fairly early though so they can sort out holiday, travel etc.

We haven't invited anyone and don't intend to. We have only just told people. Sometimes they ask how it's going and when I tell them anything all I get are negative putdowns! Keep plans to yourself I say. Why do people WHO ARE NOT EVEN COMING to my wedding think they get a say in how I do it.

One of the nicest weddings I've ever been to was one of the simplest. It was at a register office in central London. There were ten adult guests and four children. The bride and groom arrived together in a taxi with their little girl. The bride just wore a nice new dress, not a wedding dress, and their little girl (who was about two) had a very pretty dress on which she took great delight in showing to everyone. We went in for the marriage ceremony and then all walked together for about ten minutes to an Italian restaurant where we had a very good meal and then everyone dispersed. Short, sweet and really lovely.

If a non-weddingy wedding is what you want, it will be awesome as it will be YOUR day! I'm having the whole thing because I love it, but the other day a colleague was saying that she just got engaged and is getting married the 4th of December (eek!) without any fuss at all, and I was a tad jealous... I've been engaged for more than a year and still stressing about unresponsive caterers, bridesmaids dresses in the right colour, and all that crap! ?

Things we're not having though:

cars (my OH apparently has a very specific aversion to wedding cars, who knew)

bouquet toss (we don't know any single women really)

spending the night apart (I'd feel so alone, and probably sleep less well because it's different than normal)

first dance (we're having a ceilidh in order to hide the fact that we SUCK at dancing!)

Hi.

We are having a wedding similar to your mum with a Reg office ceremony followed by a meal in a restaurant but with a few very weddingy elements.

I will be wearing a wedding dress because I never normally wear dresses so thought it would be a nice idea to dress up for the day. I got it online and had never been to a bridal shop so it was a bit of a snap decision. We are also buying our cake and flowers online so there won't be too much fuss around with those.

We won't be spending the night apart before the wedding and my husband to be knows what dress I will be wearing.

The restaurant we are having a meal in won't be decorated or have flowers or centre pieces.

We will probably skip the speeches too.

We aren't having an evening reception so won't be having a first dance either. ?

So we've both been married before but this time we wanted to do what WE wanted and not be swayed by parents/others etc.

I won't be wearing a wedding dress; I'll be wearing a bridesmaids one! I have silver shoes. We're not having bridesmaids or best man. There probably will be a speech but it's not planned and it'll be done whenever it feels right to do it. We're not having a set menu, everyone can choose whatever they want to eat. No photographer. No videographer. No evening do and no first dance; we'll just be heading to the venues main bar area. No gift list, we don't want anything. Cupcakes instead of a traditional cake. No boquet toss (although I will be having silk flowers)..... The list probably goes on.

So we're not having;

Bridesmaids

Best men

flowers

speeches

first dance.....

We're meeting together outside the venue (after spending night apart - but that is mainly so he a. doesn't get under my feet when I'm getting ready and b. gets the full effect of me all done up which he's never seen before!!) and walking in together

Only vows which are the legal bit

Taking our family out for lunch after then inviting everyone else to the same place for the evening to join us for a drink to celebrate our day

And I'm only sending postal invites out because I know everyone has a post box and that they check it!!!!!

Just told my family the date. Feel sick ?

Just told my family the date. Feel sick ?

Feel real now? What date are you having? I was a nervous wreck telling my lot they weren't even coming lol.

21st July. I just find it so terrifying, for want of a better word

I don't really want favours either - I don't understand their purpose if I am totally honest? I remember at my parents wedding (I was only 6) we had favours which were sugared almonds in a little bag... and I never understood the point in them even to this day ?

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• @bellaZ that sounds great.

Jayne - I hope your families were nice about it. I'd have just done it and told them afterwards!

I was the same at first. I'm the opposite tho as my wedding had nothing and has now grown. I'm now wearing a wedding dress because I never have and wanted one, I'm having flowers and a reindeer sleigh. I'm still not having guests except my two friends/witnesses so no bridesmaids no guests no reception. Just a meal for the four of us then cake and wine in our hotel bar.

Yep sugared almonds whatever they are. I don't see the logic behind them but after googling them they are a traditional wedding favour. I think my guests will survive without them hehehe

From google:

It is said that the sweet yet ever so slightly bitter flavour that fresh almonds possess represents the taste of life and the sweet sugared coating symbolizes the hope that the newly married couple will enjoy a life that is more sweet than bitter. In Italy, and indeed in many other parts of Europe, you will usually always find that there are precisely 5 almonds in each wedding favour.

The actual significance of there being five almonds is that the number five is indivisible which symbolizes a strong bond or union between the newlywed couple that will never be broken or divided. In addition to this, each almond has its own specific individual meaning and these are Health, Happiness, Wealth, Fertility and Long Life.

Actually quite a cute idea now I know the theory behind them, but still don't fancy them.

It's a common thing to do then