What are you paying for for your BMs?

Do whatever is best for you and your budget.

I have four bridesmaids. I will be paying for their dresses, shoes, hair and jewellery. They will be paying for their own make up (they would all like their make up done) and nails if they want them done x

I don't think there is a right or wrong way it's what suits you, what your bridesmaids are happy with and will be different depending on people's budgets.

I do think if you insist on them all being the same in a dress and shoes of your choice it's unfair to expect them to pay for it.

Do they think they are buying their own and are happy with it? If so it's not a problem. Or you could give them a budget towards it and not pay for nails.

Whatever works for you and your girls is fine.

I think its standard tradition to pay if you asked them be in the wedding party, however it does seem becoming more common to let BMs have free reign to buy their own dress or wear stuff they already own

i'll be buying the dress, shrug, shoes, flowers and jewellery but not paying for hair and make up (all but 1 of my BMs are all hairdressers anyway and love doing hair so thats not a problem and they are very set in their own make up, I drink think they would like someone else doing it)

im aware the outfit is not nessacerilly their normal style so it would seem unfair to ask them to buy it and its not that expensive anyway

Hi

i don't think there is a standard way any more with this!

Ive been an adult bridesmaid twice, first time I paid for everything, second time I paid for nothing!

Ive had a chat with my maids as I have four and couldn't afford to cover everything 4 times over, so agreed I would pay for their dresses, have their nails done and their make up. I've asked for them to have their hair in fishtail plaits to the side and as one of the girls can already do this style she's agreed to do everyone's on the morning, but I did send them all the details of the hairdresser I'm using and say they were really welcome to book with her too if they wanted to, but that I couldn't pay for this. They are doing their own shoes within an agreed colour scheme but style, heel height, cost etc are all their choice!

Alls I'd say is if you aren't paying then I think it's difficult to dictate too much about what they have, e.g. An expensive dress, or shoes they all find uncomfortable and then ask them to pay!

Im not getting them handbags though which I've thought of whilst writing this! X

We're paying for everything - dresses, jackets, shoes, hair and make up. I offered to pay if they needed to buy a particular bra for the dress but I was told to jog on. I think if you want to dictate terms for the dress, shoes, cover ups etc, such as colour or style, then you need to pay. Hair and make up is a personal choice, but I felt it was right to cover all the costs, because I've asked them, not the other way around.

I'm having 5 friends and have decided to pay for everything, mostly as I think two of them would struggle and I didn't want them to stress about affording things and ruin the whole experience for them. It has been so much fun with them all being involved and I think it would of been difficult if they were worrying or making decisions based on price. I've decided bm pressies will be very simple, more of a personal letter each. To reduce costs I have said upfront I'm planning on selling the dresses after and they were all fine with it.

We're paying for the dresses, we've got multiway so they can have them how they are comfortable. Then we've asked them to supply accessories but not telling them what to have. Not sure about hair and make up yet but wouldn't tell them they all have to have their hair the same way even if we paid

Think about what you can afford and discuss it with them.

Lexi

I wouldn't worry, you just have to do whats right for you

I'm paying for their dresses & my aunty is paying for their flowers. I was going to ask them to buy shoes/choose a pair they already own

Like previously stated there is no wrong or right choice. If you can fit it in your budget great and if not then make sure your bridesmaids are aware early so they have time to budget if needed.

As the other ladies have mentioned there's no real right or wrong these days. I've purchased all my bridesmaids dresses (5 adults 1 junior). I had a set budget in mind for each bridesmaid of £100 each so made them aware up front that they would need to purchase their own shoes and if they wanted hair and makeup done, again they'd have to pay for this themselves, because of that I also gave them the option that I wouldn't be offended if they couldn't do this and wanted to not be a bridesmaid ( I know this sounds harsh but) however, I managed to get some bargain dresses for £32 each in the sale instead of £70 and my hairdresser has reduced her costs too so I can now cover that. I'm having a trial with a make up artist on Saturday who's costs too are lower than I expected (hope this doesn't mean a lower standard!) so if I go ahead and use her I can cover make up for them too. They've all bought their own shoes (£15!!! In another sale) so I don't feel like they've spent too much. I wanted to cover some of the costs as my OH was an usher recently and although the thought counts he wasn't given the option of what they would be wearing or asked about paying for it and ended up having to spend £180 on a suit, which I must admit irritated me.

I have 7 bridesmaids and they are paying for their dresses, and we are paying for the rest (alterations, hair, make-up, shoes, dressing gowns etc)

Out of the 7 bridesmaids, i have been a bridesmaid for 5 of them - and I paid for my dress each time, so them paying for their dresses wasn't an issue.

Ffor the other 2, i felt awful asking them to pay for their dresses (however i did stipulate at the start that the other girls were paying for their dresses, but would completely understand if they didnt want to be bridesmaids etc). But i couldn't have some girls paying for their dress and other not, as that's not fair - but i am racked with guilt everyday because of it - i feel awful that they are paying for their own dresses.

I have 4, have bought their dresses and will buy them some jewellery as part of their thankyou gift along with a few other little bits. Am also paying for hair.

They will 'buy' their own shoes - they can wear something they already have though if they prefer.

I'm doing my own makeup so hadn't really even considered paying for them to have theirs done, they're all confident doing their own anyway.

I don't think you're in the wrong though. Maybe if you were going to pay for their hair/makeup/nails and for example they only go for hair, you could put the money that would have gone on makeup and nails towards their outfits instead?

I have 2 and an paying for everything but shoes. As long as everyone is happy then I think it's fine with whatever you do, hopefully they are all buying dresses they'll be able to wear agsin?

As others have said – I don’t think there is a right or wrong answer to this – everyone has different opinion.

For me – I went with the mind set of “If I wanted my BM’s to wear or have something specific then I should pay for it” ie, I wanted a multiway dress in champagne so I paid for it, I wanted them to have their hair and make up professionally done so I’ve paid for it (I’d like to add that I ran all these decisions past my BM’s to check they were happy with them rather than me forcing them to wear or have something!!)

But with regards to things such as shoes, jewellery etc I’ve said they can wear what they like so won’t be paying for them. Luckily my BM’s are great and have all agreed that they will all wear flat shoes (as they are all a LOT taller than me haha!) and we’ve all agreed that they will have their hair in some sort of ‘up’ style and they will chose which specific style they want each. I think it’s totally dependent on you and your BM’s – each situation is different really, the most important thing is making sure that both you and your BM’s understand who is paying for what and that everyone is happy.

Like others have said, I don't think there is a right or wrong way of doing it as long as everyone is in agreement.

From a personal point of view I will be paying for the dress, shoes and hair. I think if you are asking people to be in your bridal party you should pay for the outfits. Things like nails are nice but a little bit unnecessary if on a budget as no one will be looking at the bridesmaids nails. The night before the wedding, I plan to have a get together with my maids and paints nails and watch movies and drink prosecco!

Again, personally I would like my bridesmaids dresses to match in terms of colour, style and material so wouldn't expect them to pay for the dresses as I will be (for want of a better word!) dictating the style of the dress which I appreciate they may not have chosen themselves or wear again. I again don't want to put them out of pocket because I'm getting married.

Having said that I do like the mis-match dresses when done right and if the maids are happy with the dresses and happy to pay then win-win, but my bugbear is mismatched shoes with short dresses! My eye is always drawn to the shoes which are usually not very nice and don't go with the dress at all. I always think the bridemaids should have some thing in common besides the flowers otherwise they will look like any other guest. Something like shoes can be done fairly cheaply to get them matching by going somewhere like Primark, Newlook or brantano.

I'll be paying for dress, shoes, hair and flowers. Will ask BMs to pay for their own make-up and nails if they choose to have them done professionally (not even sure I'm having mine done or doing it myself yet).

I've been bridesmaid twice before and will be again for another friend next year. In the past I've paid for my own shoes (but had freedom to wear what I want) and make-up but I've never had to pay for my dress. I never expect to get it bought for me though and always offer to pay or at least contribute but so far have always been turned down!

Oh, you may really hate it if I do a wedding flash ? my BM are in shortish dresses, and hopefully sorting out their own shoes hehe.

As the OP who started the other thread, I'm really sorry to have worried you. What I am doing, is I've already paid for their dresses, which I was very particular about, but got them to try on a few others, and my favourite was theirs out of the options provided, and they are happy with them, even though the size numbers are anything but flattering. Also paying for hair, make-up, transport for them, as I will be on my own pre-wedding night, and it'll be in a church, probably won't do the nails, due to location of everyone, or may do it as part of the hen. Their necklaces will be their BM gift, but only one has pierced ears, seems a bit mean to give her an extra present, so just be a necklace and little girly bits and their boquets. As I'm sorting out my own hen do, all the deposits will be coming from me, so that's another reason for trying to save a few pennies where possible.

Unfortunately for me..... I am paying for dresses, shoes, jewellery, hair and make-up but thats because my BM's are my sisters, are a lot younger than me and are still in education so dont actually have any money

I am only having 2 bridesmaids though and then have some little ones as flower girls who will also need dresses and shoes.

It all depends on your budget and what you can afford to do. Given other threads on here that I've read from other, if any of them had an issue with it I'm sure they would have been vocal about it.

I don't think there's any kind of protocol on this one anymore- it really just depends on your budget and relationship with the wedding party.

We are putting £50 towards the suit hire and bridesmaid dress for our wedding party. And I could afford to get my bridesmaid's hair done but not her make-up. I'm giving pretty much free reign to my BM over the style of the dress and have only requested she goes for a pastel blue.

We'll also be getting buttonholes/bouquets.

I am paying for the following:

dresses

hair

jewellery (this is part of their gift)

flowers

They are paying:

shoes - but I don't care what shoes they have as long as they are a nude sort of colour

make up - if they want it done

nails

To be decided - alterations on dresses

I think it depends entirely on yours and their situations though... if we were having a real budget wedding then I might ask them to pay for the dresses themselves...

We paid for everything (dress, hair, make-up, nails, jewellery, etc.) except shoes. They wanted to wear their own - and I didn't care as long as they were black shoes.

We are paying for dresses, hair and make-up. Shoes, accessories, nails, etc is all up to them because I really don't mind what they have.

I think if you want something specific for your BMs then you should have to pay for it. OP, I think in your case it's ok because you've just asked for them to be navy and knee length. It's not as if you have dictated that they pay for a specific dress.

I had one bridesmaid and paid for her dress but didn't pay for her shoes, hair, makeup or nails. I don't think it's out of order to ask your bridesmaids to pay for their dresses as long as they are happy to do so and you're not telling them what they have to wear.

Hi,

I had three BMs and paid for their dresses (same dress, different styles), brooch, jewellery, hair and makeup. They did pay for their makeup trial as I couldn't afford to pay for both and they paid for their shoes as they all wanted different ones.

It's completely down to your budget though - don't feel pressured into paying for more than you can afford! x

I have 7 bridesmaids and I am paying for just their dresses. The dresses are long so they can wear whatever shoes they want and they are paying for their own hair and makeup. If I had two bridesmaids i'd pay for hair ad makeup but can't afford it for all mine. I've said they don't have to have their hair and makeup done professional and said they can do what they want. I've suggested some kinda hair up or side swept would look best with the one shoulder dress but its up to them. We are all going to Mac in the morning to get our makeup done as its £30 but redeemable on products so not really paying for the application. I've created a pinterest board for them and put some pictures I like of makeup and hair styles that would suit the look am going for. I've suggested that they join in and pin some pictures they like to give each other inspiration.

When I was a bridesmaid I was happy to pay for everything but the bride insisted she pay. She only had two bridesmaids and her rich aunt paid for the bridesmaid dress, shoes and hair anyway. I've told my bridesmaid's I could pay for their hair if they wanted but that means no present as its going to cost me £40 each for gifts.

I will be paying for dresses and shoes, jewellery as will probably be their gift and hair (which my nephew may do anyway). I know that at least two of my bridesmaids will be happier doing their own makeup and if they want my makeup artist to do it I was going to ask them to pay for it (is that cheeky?)

I'm paying for dresses, shoes, jewellery and hair and makeup. I wanted to pay as it's unlikely that they'll wear the dresses we've chosen again, and I wanted them to have the same shoes and accessories so they're not necessarily things they would have chosen themselves. I have two bridesmaids and have been/will be bridesmaid for both of them within a year or so of our wedding. I've been a bridesmaid three times and can't remember ever paying for any of the things I've mentioned, though I agree it depends what works for you.

Hey, it's okay! I'm glad that it made me think of it.

Thank you everyone for your replies, I have definitely changed my mind!

I think it is different because I am letting the girls each choose their own dresses and shoes, but equally don't want them to have to pay a lot of money because of something I have asked them to do.

The new plan is to pay for their dresses (with a limit) and hair if they'd like that. Then ask them to get some nude shoes, as then they can choose to go cheap or expensive, there's plenty of nude shoes out there, and their make up if they'd like it done.

Thank you again everyone!

Personally I'd be really peeved if I was asked to be a bridesmaid and then had to pay for my own dress! If you can't afford to buy dresses then just don't have bridesmaids. I've just got one bridesmaid because I didn't want to spend a fortune. I'll pay for her dress but as it's going to be long she has said she might just wear her own shoes. I'm paying for her bouquet and hair too.

I'm relying on her to help me on the day, do some running around for me, take me to the loo and help me with my dress, sort out my hen do. I wouldn't expect her to do all of that and pay for her outfit as well!

Each to their own but that's my opinion on bridesmaids

I think you've hit the nail on the head with this.

This is going to come across as really blunt, but I think that's the other side of the coin. Yes obviously if you want them in a pink/orange blingy puff ball dress and light up pink shoes, then yes payment lies at your door. That's only half of it, the other half is BIB. If your BM are working their ar*ses off all day, then their outfits are basically their reward. Yes you helped me to pee, but doesn't your free hair look wonderful while you help me. They'll be keeping you calm, and yes actually working.

So if yours are going to helping with the venue, organising the hen, and basically being at your beck and call throughout the day, then yes that is also a reason for pay for a bit more than is expected. Which is why I am no longer worrying about them paying for their shoes. I've been asked to organise my own hen, bar zipping up my dress will be receiving no help in getting ready, the dress I have I can pee in on my own. The venue have told us what they'll be doing, and seems to be everything, and if something needs doing, I'll be doing it. Apart from turning up on time, they have nothing to do, there's no family/friend politics that could go wrong either.

I have 2 bridesmaids, 1 bridesmood (my brother) and 3 little bridesmaids.

We've got a budget of £150 each for adults, and will cover:
Dresses/suit for bridesmood - they know the budget, and anything over they have agreed to pay for
Wrap/shrug for girls
Hair
Make up

I'm making their jewellery ? which will be in their goody bag. I've asked them to sort their own shoes out, as id rather they were comfy. One wants to wear flats as she's really tall (and was super relieved she could sort this herself!) the other is little and wants heels (either fine with me)

The children have a £50 budget and I'll be taking them out for a party dress in the same colour as the bridesmaid dresses (probably from next or monsoon)

I'm agonising about flowers at the minute, I really don't want them! If I do have flowers, I'll pay for them too.

Very much each to their own and it'll work differently for everyone ?. I would be miffed to be asked to be bridesmaid and had to pay, and wouldn't think to offer to pay, but if asked I would pay and wouldn't upset the bride by complaining X

I have five bridesmaids and I'm paying for dresses, hair and makeup. They are sorting their own shoes and accessories. They are all so different in height and shape that I'm basically picking a colour and a range (Dessy) and they pick their own dress, as long as it's long. If there are alterations that need doing, I'll pay for them too, unless it's just chopping a bit off and hemming, in which case I'll probably do that myself.

They are all in their early-mid thirties and I think to try to dress them all the same would be a mistake. My day is hopefully going to feel quite informal so the bridesmaids having their own personal style will only help that along. I'm dying to see what they choose!