What do to about unexpected guests

I would invite them to the evening do only assuming you don't want to say they aren't invited. I would also probably invite adults only. I wouldn't give any excuses but if asked why they aren't there all day would say that you are up to final numbers and leave it at that.

I would say only invite them to the evening, and only the adults at that. You could say that day invitations are limited due to the cost/you only want closest family and friends there.

We are taking a similar stance and saying have we seen/had contact with them in the last year, and if the answer is no then they aren't a day guest.

Plus at the end of the day, no one has the right to assume they are going to be invited to your wedding no matter how close they were to you before! xx

Its amazing how people just assume there invited to weddings.

I come from a big Irish family but didn't want a huge wedding as I'm shy so could only invite half my cousins. We had lots of them and a few of my brothers friends ask what the date was as they hadn't received there invite yet. Some even announced they would just turn up anyway. I decided to send them a friendly message explaining we were very limited on numbers, everyone was very understanding. I gave in on 2 of his friends as he was insisting and neither turned up.

Id suggest only inviting them to the evening and not there children but only if you really want them there, not just because they invited them self's. If you decide not to invite them (which is what I'd do) politely explain about being short on numbers.

Could you invite them to the evening but without their children? Or if you really can't so it (as I know I would struggle), then daytime invite without children?

If they have made no effort and neither of you are bothered, then just don't invite them at all. Would your OH miss them if there was a fallout?

For the sake of avoiding a confrontation, we could afford to have just the friends themselves for the day, but def not all the OHs and kids as well. I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have a problem with that as I know they've gone on their own to parties before and left the kids with the wives. I'm partly thinking about the stag party as well. I know they're going to want to go to that, and if OH asks them to that they'll definitely expect to be at the day part of the wedding. Argh! I'm seriously thinking of just saying sod it, just come. Anything for a peaceful life ?

I understand what your saying about a quiet life, but clearly you nor your hubby to be were going to invite them - so I don't see why you would consider it now just because they've invited themselves! Whether funds allow or not, that's not the point - if they didn't make the initial cut for the full day to your wedding then so be it!

As others have said, invite them to the evening if you want to show willing. Whether or not they go on them the stag shouldn't automatically mean someone is invited all day - my hubby had a lot of people to his stag them we only invited to the evening. Our guest list just wouldn't allow for inviting everyone that fancied coming to the day!

I think if you went to their weddings it's natural they have assumed an invite. I'd go for the "all to evening do" option and possibly mention "Such a shame we are restricted on day numbers, we would have loved to be able to invite you all."

Thanks everyone! Definitely leaning to the evening-only option now. That's interesting, MrsF2B, what you said about stag do (and hen do) guests not necessarily having to come to the whole day. I'd just assumed that was the way it was done, as I've never been to a hen do without going to the whole day. Amazing how when you get talking to other brides you find out all sorts of different ways of doing things. Love these forums for that!

I'm in a similar position- bumped into an old friend recently and from what she said, she is clearly expecting and invite to the whole day for her, her OH (who I have only met a couple of times and don't particularly like!) AND her kids.... I didn't quite have it in me to tell her outright she wasn't invited, but did mention that we are on a limited budget, are only inviting 'family kids' AND that we still weren't able to invite everyone we wanted to.... I don't think she got the hint even then, so she might be surprised when she gets an invite for her and her OH only just for the evening! ?

Not everyone on the stag or hen do expects to be invited to the day. In fact, one of DH friends that went on his stag do didn't even come to the wedding! (he was invited to the evening but couldn't afford to travel for it)

You can't please everyone so I would just invite them to the evening and if anyone kicks off just say that you would love to be able to invite everyone but you simply don't have the capacity to.

One of DH friends hasn't spoken to him since we said no to his girlfriend coming to the day (we hadn't met her, didn't know he was with anyone and it wasn't long since he had split up with his previous partner) but she was welcome to the evening!

I casually mentioned to an old friend that we had booked our wedding date. It was before we had even ordered invitations let alone sent them out. She got ridiculously excited. A few days later, she text me to tell me she and her partner have both arranged time off work and have booked a hotel near our venue! She clearly assumed she was going to be invited to the whole day. I had been planning to invite them to the evening only - and had even considered not inviting them at all as we rarely see them and they have made no effort with us for several years now. I was actually quite surprised they had so quickly made themselves available to our wedding considering for about four years running now they haven't been able to make themselves available for dinner with us despite going out with their other friends all the time (?!). Anyway I couldn't be bothered with any confrontation or awkward conversation so we just invited them. They are only two people and we can accommodate it in our numbers.

If you are at the stage of sending out invitations and have decided you just want to invite them to the evening thing then I'd just send them the evening only invitation through the post and that will tell them all they need to know!