what do ushers actully do?

We are having 3. Ours will help hand out programmes/ order of service before the service. Meet and greet guest, help get peole where they sshould be for the pictures. At the reception they will help guests with where they are sitting (although we will have a table plan so that shouldnt be too hard)

Our ushers are my uncle, to be honest I just wanted them included in the day.

As Lil Miss Red said basically they usher people along in the right direction. Mine will be handing out buttonholes and confetti as they are just teenagers, ,

xx

One could just as easily ask what is the point of bridesmaids, because all they really do is hold flowers and look pretty...

They should do much more but sadly a lot of bridesmaids today do miss the point that they are supposed to be a maid to the Bride! Some ushers don't actually know what they are supposed to do so it's worth having a discussion beforehand so they know what's expected of them on the day.

Not all, mine has planned my hen night, been to EVERY dress shop/fitting with me, looked for shoes/dresses for the wedding party when i was at a loss. Come to every flower appointment, went to all the bridal fares and even went to my FYEO shoot with me.

And on top of all that shes always been on the end of the phone/email for anything!!

My brother is going to have to stop traffic - we figure he'll have a better chance in a posh suit!

Ushers duties usually include:

Greeting Guests at the Church/Venue & showing them where to sit

Escorting the Groom & Brides Parents to their seats

Giving out of Buttonholes

Making sure all the Guests get to the venue following the ceremony if they are in 2 seperate places

Showing Guests to the Room the Wedding Breakfast will be held at the Venue

Showing Guests Toilets etc

Basically assisting the Best Man

My bridesmaids have been on hand every time I have asked..they planned the hen as a surprise, and have given me no end of help and advise. The ushers have done absolutely nothing, lol. They can't even all turn up for a final suit fitting, as they all live in many different places. To be honest, I'd have been lost without my bridesmaids...they have done more than the groom! Ushers just turn up and get a free suit...oh and a thank you gift at the end of it, lol. X :-)

Ours are the boy's two very close friends, and they will be handing out OOS, moving pedestals from ceremony room to reception room and generally being hospitable! I am sure we could easiy have got the staff on the day to do all of this but the boy already has two best men and wanted to involve his other two best friends, too.

OO AJ thats mean lol!! I've been BM 8 times and i do hell of alot more than hold flowers!! I think that maybe i should just take your advice tho and then i would stop being asked!!... 3 months till i just hold flowers for my next BM duty ?

OO and on the usher note.. were having 9 so god knows what there all going to do!! I hope return the groom in one piece after they try and destroy him on his stag do ?

BMs offer hands on help with wedding (helping to set up etc) but more importantly offer moral support in the lead up to the wedding. I wasn't going to have any, but decided I would because I want the company on the morning of the wedding. Someone to calm my nerves as I imagine that I will be nervous.

This statement intrigues me.

'Moral support' is empathy and encouragement, something all BMs should offer! Are you intrigued by the premise that KV might crumble into an amoral mess in the run up to her nuptials?

No, just curious about the statement that's all, surely any doubts as to whether this is the right person to be marrying should have been dealt with many months beforehand, and any nerves etc during the ceremony (which are in some ways understandable if you aren't used to standing up in front of big crowds) just have to be dealt with rather than interrupting the service for a big hugfest?

Also mildly curious about the inference that the bride needs the bridesmaids for help and support, yet the groom just turns up and gets on with it and the ushers are pretty much a waste of time and money. Surely both are equally as important, and the potential for them to be useful or useless in the preparations is the same regardless of gender?

Having been a bridesmaid a few times and seeing my best friend exasperated when none of the other bridesmaids were around to help. I'm quite glad i'm one of the last of my friends to get married! All my bridesmaids are actually married so they know what to do & what its like :o) Chose my ushers carefully; one knows OH family and friends well & the other knows my family well so they should know who should be where between them. They are also very good at organising people in a relaxed and charming way. eg for photos

This is the same for me

I second the advice to choose your ushers carefully and make it clear if you have anything you would like them to be responsible for on the day. At my friend's recent wedding, the ushers were the brother of the bride and the brother of the groom. They were asked to hand out orders of service and their other 'job' was to set up the table centrepieces (the venue would have done this if they were floral, but they were these funky light and crystal things). Apparently they had to be chased to hand out the OOS (and even then, some of us eneded up without one!) and 15 minutes before the meal, the venue co-ordinator came to me and the other BM and told us the centrepieces weren't done. I searched for the ushers who were already fairly drunk and watching the Man U match on an iPad. They refused point blank to do the centepieces, saying they couldn't remember how!! Cue me, my OH, the other BM and her OH, the best man and his wife dashing into the room and doing our best to assemble 10 centrepieces having no idea how they were meant to look. We forgot the mirror plates at the bottom but apparenlty the bride and groom didn't notice

(The other thing I took from this was that I'm not going to panic about little things going wrong on my day anymore, I know now that my good friends will step in and do their best to rectify things!)

The groom has a best man to help and support him. IMO, the ushers are there to help the guests and the bride and groom on the day.

The bride and groom may be equally as important, but the bride needs more help during the lead up to the day with her dress, jewellery, tiara, shoes, hair, make up and things such as a spary tan, nails, eyelashes etc. All my H2B has had to do is hire a suit and buy some shoes.

The bride has the CBM.

I don't quite understand how things like a spray tan are 'essential' - surely they are just options that the bride may or may not choose to have. I can't imagine my b2b heading off to come back looking like an oompa loompa on our wedding day because she doesn't do them normally.

Help with shoes? Surely you take them out the box and put them on, and if you need help to put them on then you've got some very bizarre shoes...?

Sounds to me very much like all this "bridesmaids are far more important" jobs are simply related to unnecessary things that the bridal industry makes money out of by convincing women that these things are essential.

I have a scar on my back AJ that I got after having shingles following the stress I suffered after my nan died. I never wear anything that shows my scar off and my make up artist has said it's best not to use body concealer as it's right by the top of my dress and it may rub off on it. By having a spray tan, it will be slightly covered and will give me more confidence. Also, people won't notice it as much and I won't be asked about it and be reminded as to why I have it.

I needed help with buying my shoes, they're the most important shoes I'll ever wear and I wanted people's advice. Look at how many shoes threads there are on Hitched for an example of how important shoes are to a bride.

I feel sorry for your bride to be - I hope you don't express these opinions to her....

If a bride chooses to have a big(ger) dress, then she may need help getting them on once she has the dress on. She might also want someone to keep her company before the ceremony etc.

And what are these "essentials" you keep on about - surely in the couple have the money and the inclination then its their decision.

I'm quite aware that many wedding dresses are quite large and some help is required getting in and out of them, but when you have the CBM, mother of the bride and two or more bridesmaids all there (which is normal) then surely there's more people than work that needs doing - and again, if dresses are impossible to get in to then surely that's as much the designers fault?

Company before the ceremony, I can sorta understand that, but then again I won't have that luxury because I'll be too busy getting the room set up in the morning - some grooms may have the luxury of sitting in the bar drinking before the ceremony but that isn't my kinda thing anyway.

The essentials? It's not always that the couple have the inclination, or the money, is it? There's a certain amount of "oneupmanship" particularly around here where some people feel that they have to make their wedding bigger, better and more expensive than everyone else's.

I'd certainly put "having a spray tan" on the "WTF" list, along with groom's beauty treatments, outrageously priced uncomfortable designer shoes that nobody can see under the dress, etc.

Our day is our way, and I don't care how it compares to anyone else's wedding, simply because it's our day.

You certainly seem to have a bee in your bonnet about what other people are spending on their wedding and the things they are having - it makes you come across as being insecure about your own day if I'm being honest...

Agree completely with Mooey. Ushers, in my opinion, are to help the guests. Of course, they may well also offer moral support to the groom... nobody has a monopoly on being supportive. Certainly, one of my best friends has been the MOST supportive and she isn't my bridesmaid, firstly because she would hate doing it on the actual day and secondly because she's away in India for a family wedding.

You should see my to-do list versus my H2B's. (We've got 2 and a half weeks to go.) His has about 3 things on it... finish speech, pick up suit, turn up and get married. Mine has about 30 (not even kidding). Now, that has a lot to do with the fact he works full-time and I don't. Nevertheless, I do need a bit of extra help.

And I find it interesting how you think that the ceremony is the first part of the day. Bridesmaids tend to get ready with the bride (and believe me I'm gonna need their help with my dress... I can't even take my own shoes off with it on) and I for one am really looking forward to spending some girly time with them before going off to get married. And equally my H2B is going to enjoy his last breakfast as a single man with his Best Man. We are both going to be nervous I'm sure... even if we're convinced it's the right person and the right thing to do, it's still a HUGE event and you cannot blame people for feeling a little in need of support! But if any last-minute things need doing... it's ME and my bridesmaids who will be doing them... not H2B!

Aj, it never fails to make me chuckle the way you label anything you can't afford (or, to be generous, perhaps things you don't fancy) to be oneupmanship. Get over it, it's only to your detriment if you don't.

Vintage mini - our ushers were great. They were all involved in various DIY elements of the wedding in the months running up to it; were an integral part of the stag do preparation and execution; helped to balance out any family tensions/interference in the run up and on the day; were necessary at the Church due to numbers and were responsible for the Orders of Service, directing of traffic, seating of guests, collection of certain floral displays from the church to the venue, as well as helping to round up people for the photos and ensure that our guests were having a good time. I'm happy to lend you ours, should you wish?!

As for bridesmaids, mine were just fabulous. Not only did it enable to the most chilled out bride ever to arrive at the church but we created so many memories together in the run up to, and during, the day that I will treasure for ever. I'm very lucky to have those girls in my life.

Completely what Cricks said.

Ushers and bridesmaids are there to help the bride, groom & guests. They are not simply props. We didn't have ushers as our venue and day guest list was small.

As for berating those with spray tans, may I advise caution? You could be starting WW3.

We didn't have formal ushers as we felt that we had enough support with the BM and our friends who helped out even though they weren't "official" ushers. But then the ushers are really there to help coordinate on the day, the Best Man should be the support in the lead up to the day.

In the majority of cases, the bride wants to look her best, and if she feels that requires a spray tan and nails then so be it! I would spend a while preparing for any big event by getting a tan, nails and hair done, because that makes me feel good, but with the added pressure of it being your wedding day then you need that support around you. If these things are not for you and you simply get up and sling a dress on then good for you, this is an extreme example but I hope you get my point.

OK, I don't really understand why it would be odd to want someone with you to help with wedding prep and on the actual day?!?

Why is it strange that we will need help with wedding prep in the run up to the wedding? Why is it a reflection on my relationship with my other half (of 10 years) that I may be nervous about the ceremony? I think most brides get nervous, not because they are getting married (having second thoughts or anything like that) but because they worry that they will trip up in front of anyone, or be crying so much that they can't get the words out or even (in my case) that they simply feel nervous speaking in front of all of those people. I have 2 BMs because I wanted it that way. Not because it is "essential".

I think ushers are just as important, the best man supports the groom and the others show everyone where to sit, hand out orders of service etc. They can also annouce the entrance of the bride and groom for wedding breakfast and request people for photos etc. We are having 1 best man and 1 usher as we are not having a massive ceremony.

I have agreed with you on many things AJ, but not on this I am afraid.

I don't think anyone at any stage has said that BMs or ushers are "essential" or that you have to spend lots of money on their weddings (some may have chosen to spend lots, but that is their choice and I don't think that they suggested that it had to be done otherwise you can't get married).

... and as others have said, having BMs/ushers there for moral support is not only the case during the ceremony.

For me it will be before when I want to hear some reassuring words about how it will all be fine. I have never seen a wedding where the bride and BMs break off mid-ceremony for a "hug fest"

I'm expecting the ushers at our wedding to direct the guests to the correct places in the chuch and hand out orders of service - church has 5 columns of seats and we'd probably only have people in two - the ones I'm planning to walk between. Then ushers to escort the mother of the bride and stepmother of the bride to their seats. Then they will probably be needed to direct people for the photos and over to the reception venue. Plus help the best man with the stag party (will I actually have someone to marry after it's over?!)

All i expect from my bridesmaids is to help me get ready, help me manoeuvering the dress. They (plus other friends) are planning the hen party. That's about it that I need. Neither are local to me or the wedding, so they're not in much of a position to do more! I actually prefer picking out my dress on my own - I've been with people a couple of times and although they're helpful, I can make clearer decisions myself. As for shoes - I am not into shoes at all, and they're going to be hidden, so not spending more than £20 or so!

The nearest thing to an 'insecurity' is will people enjoy themselves. You can provide everything required for people to have a good time but you can't make people have a good time.

I know our day is perhaps "non standard" compared to many, by not providing free alcohol, having a disco in the evening, or having speeches that take longer than 3 minutes, but whatever we'd have chosen to have, wherever we'd have chosen to have it, we can control more or less every other aspect of our day and do our utmost to make sure everything happens as we've planned it - but you can't make people enjoy themselves.

Neither of us are big social animals. We don't have huge circles of friends and party invites every other weekend (if we get one a year it's a surprise and we'd probably already be doing something else anyway). I've hosted work events for 100+ people with no problem at all, but nothing like a wedding and yes I'm nervous about that, and to be honest no amount of "I'm sure it'll go well" from family, friends, hitchers or anyone else can overcome that. It's just the way we are and it's not something that's really ever likely to change a great deal.

AJ, there's the "oneupmanship" that you claim to see in the rest of us mere mortals who, by buying f*ck-off shoes and getting pruned to within an inch of our lives, are apparently trying to outdo everyone else on their own wedding day. I'm not too ashamed to admit that I want my wedding to be better than anyone else's, in fact, I'd imagine most of us feel like that. Whether this manifests as spending more money or worrying too much about chair covers, whatever.

Then there's the "oneupmanship" that forms the foundation of the "moral high ground"... now where do we see this?