Why do wedding cause so much family drama 🙁

I just don’t understand! It’s my own mother why can’t she just be happy for us.
Instead she’s concerned about things that don’t concern her really. It’s at a hotel but we are having a separate are with marquee.
Surely people will have a late breakfast or early lunch before the day knowing it’s afternoon tea at 1500?! Everyone else has been really supportive i just feel life I’ve given her happy news and all she wants to do is be negative and question everything.Wish I had looked on these forums about not giving to much info as maybe that’s what I should of done.I’m very close to my mum and I asked why she’s being so negative which ended up my dad calling saying they don’t want me to look stupid on the day!! What’s going to make me look stupid?! Not having canapés? Not having a sofa? Now she’s just being standoffish if I ask her anything

I am getting deja vu reading this! My mother is so opinionated, not just on our wedding but everything in life, and of course, in her opinion, she is always right. She was making comments to other family members about our choices, that my husband didn't contribute enough financially, judgy comments on my in laws as she thinks they are lower class and generally being a bitch! It came to a point where I distanced myself from he as i couldn't deal with the negativity. I eventually sat her down and told her he was making me unhappy and upset and was that what she wanted? I respect she can have an opinion, but she doesn't have to voice it! My mum had similar concerns about how she would look, but as I pointed out to her, it is our day and we are paying so is our choice and she needs to respect that. She became defensive, denied saying what she had and although we kind of resolved it our relationship has never been the same as she has continued to make comments and get angry about stuff and I just dont want to be around such negative behavior.

I do think it is a generational thing, as he older generation have certain expectations of weddings, but times have changed and at the end of the day no one should tell you what to do on your day.

I am sure your guests are adult enough to make a decision about eating before hand! If I were a guest and knew your timings and food options then I would have a brunch around 11 and then is only 4 hours until you serve more food, I go longer than that on a work day between meals. We had a 5.5 hour gap and none of our guests dropped down with starvation! Your timeline and plan sounds perfect, less formal and is what you want.

My advice would be to try and not engage in conversations over plans and elements from now on. If she asks about colour scheme, foods etc simply say that you are keeping it a surprise for everyone on the day, if she really challenges just say, you have made hurtful comments in the past about or plans and I don't want to be put in a position where i feel that way and in honesty, your opinion is irrelevant to our final decision on our wedding so you think is best not to discuss it and anyone get upset further. brave, but you need to stop it in its tracks or it will escalate and maybe it might make her think about what she says to you in future, or how she says it.

Keep your chin up, you will have YOUR perfect day, the two of you, and that is all that matters x

I have the opposite, my mother is soooooo not bothered. When we told her about our engagement, it was like I'd just told her there was a great offer on Persil at Tesco. 🙄 she hasnt been excited at all. Maybe as an older bride (I'm 41) I get left alone a bit more? But even if you are in your 20s, you're still a grown up who has made decisions about living arrangemnts/ jobs etc etc. so how is arranging a wedding much different.
Big or small, as long as there is love you will have a fantastic wedding and marriage, sofa and canapés or not... hahaha.
X

View quoted message I wish I was in my 20’s sadly not I’m nearing 40!!
I’m just gutted it’s all so negative, I hope she comes round to my way of thinking and understand traditional isn’t always what people want x

Welcome to the world of weddings, where EVERYONE has an opinion and their opinion is the only right one!

To save your sanity, I would only share information on a 'need to know' basis. If mother - or anyone else - asks a question, just reply with a simple statement they can't argue with. "We're keeping that a secret so we can surprise you on the wedding day". "Thanks but we've already sorted the guest list". "We've already finalised that part of the wedding." "Thanks for the idea" If they persist, just keep repeating the same phrase and move the conversation on.

View quoted message At least at nearly 40 you are sure of your own mind! I do feel for some brides who get bulldozed to tp what the parents want!!!

View quoted message Lisa I share your feelings. I too am nearing 40 and my parents have been so so negative.
When I spoke to them they basically said they expected that I would follow traditional family wedding - where everyone and their wife is invited. Food is cooked by an auntie, an uncle man's the bar and all of this will be set in the local community centre or banqueting suite. While there is absolutely nothing wrong with this it's just not what we wanted.
They just said its embarrassing for them. They have waited so long for me to be in this position and their expectations haven't been met. I cried cos I felt guilty but after a while I got mad and told them enough was enough. This is my wedding and they are not going to ruin it by being nasty.
They are slowly coming around. This is sooo hard but we can all over come this

Yeah I completely understand how you feel. My mum wasn't happy that I wasn't having any additional bridesmaids other than my fh daughter. Then she wasn't happy that I wasn't paying someone to dress the room. Then when I told her I'd found my dress all zhe was bothered about was the price After that I stopped telling anyone any of our plans. We had 40 people at our reception and my mum didn't come (well she turned up, caused a scene and we had the police remove her). But you know what I had the best day with rhe people who wanted us to be happy.
Stick to your guns about what you want for your wedding

What you have planned sounds fab - you do you! It’s your day, and unless anybody else is paying for it then their opinions don’t matter.


I understand your frustration, it’s so annoying when you’re trying to get excited and want to share your excitement but family members don’t allow it or have to comment. Although it’s your mother, I’d politely say from now on if you keep negatively commenting on everything then I’ll stop sharing information with you!

Sorry you’re going through this. Similar situation to me. It’s your day - you don’t need to please everybody, you do you! As much as parents are parents, you can excuse toxic behaviour. Chin up x