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Beginner June 2021

Wish i hadn’t chosen her

SunnyOrangeHair98785, 18 November, 2020 at 16:49 Posted on Planning 0 5
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I’ve had nothing but bridesmaid drama since I chose her as my bridesmaid. She was originally my maid of honour and I recently demoted her to BM. I now wish I’d never chosen her as I just think she has a bad attitude generally. I know I won’t be friends with her when I have children because she’ll be too busy sleeping with guys like some sort of 18 year old.
Issues:
1 she legally changed her name a few years ago and gets angry if people get it wrong and a lot of my family will get it wrong 2 she didn’t want to come to her dress fitting because her boss told her she couldn’t because of covid (this was a while back now in I think beginning of October) she works in a pub and couldn’t go to a shop then got annoyed when I tried to explain anything to her3 her attitude towards guys is awful. She treats them like rubbish and she recently split up with her boyfriend yet continued to expect him to pay for all their household stuff apparently and she says she loves these guys then literally afterwards says they ‘didn’t even count’ 4 all she does is talk badly about other people (not that I can talk with this post but hey) 5 she has my cardigan at her house and bit my head off when I asked if she still has it and after me spending £200 on her dress alone she still has the audacity to ignore me
I’m sorry but I’m getting frustrated. I wish I’d listen when people told me to get rid of her altogether :/

5 replies

Latest activity by Ruth, 19 November, 2020 at 10:25
  • I
    Savvy August 2022 West Midlands
    Iyana ·
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    Hun its YOUR wedding. It is supposed to be a happy joyful time and experience. Do not let her ruin this for you.


    I would just tell her .. either fix up and behave or don't be in the wedding. If she is a true friend she will understand and it won't cause an issue otherwise I think you will have your answer.
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  • R
    Dedicated September 2021 Essex
    Ruth ·
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    Agree with the post above. This should be a happy experience for you to look back on, not tainted by all these negative emotions. I think a serious conversation is needed here.


    Be strong, do what YOU feel you need to do.
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  • Juniper632
    Beginner April 2022 South West London
    Juniper632 ·
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    If you're that unhappy then just tell her you're sorry but this isn't really working and you think it would be better if she isn't a bridesmaid. It's not worth risking your happiness on your wedding day. Also just don't even invite her to the wedding - it sounds like she really winds you up and she isn't even that important of a friend anyway if you think she's gonna disappear when you have kids? Why was she even a bridesmaid in the first place?

    A couple of things from your side though:

    1) I think it's reasonable to be annoyed if you changed you name YEARS ago and people are still getting it wrong (unless they are people who don't know you/ aren't up to date with you).

    2) I don't think you should complain that you spent £200 on a dress for her - that was YOUR decision - I don't like it when brides say things like that. It's not up to the bridesmaids what they wear. They are basically looking pretty for you.

    But yeah. It's your day, you're spending a lot of money and effort on it and you don't need tension and bad vibes. F*** her!

    (This is why I'm not having bridesmaids!)

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  • S
    Beginner June 2021
    SunnyOrangeHair98785 ·
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    How do I do it though? Tell her that I’ve got a bad feeling about it and that I don’t want her as a bridesmaid anymore? Always feel I have to really justify my actions. It’s hard because she’s been my friend for nearly 20 years but I had a conversation with some of my other friends who don’t know her when I demoted her from maid of honour a couple of months ago. They all told me to get rid completely and I wish I had now but she’s in our friendship group so I didn’t want to make that awkward
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  • R
    Dedicated September 2021 Essex
    Ruth ·
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    I would say to have a conversation with her about all the points what have upset you, to hear it from her POV too. Try to stay levelled during this, try not to raise your voice. Literally keep it as you wanting to understand her POV because you've cared about her for 20 years. Then come to your conclusion after that.


    People grow apart, it's not unusual to have little in common after a 20 year 'friendship'. If you really do not want her to be involved whilst she's making you feel this way, I don't think there's an easy way to put it, other than to be honest. Not blunt, not mean, just honest about your feelings and wishing her all the best.
    Sorry I can't help more, it's a tricky one since your friendships are overlapping but equally you need to put yourself first. This isn't, and shouldn't be, about anyone else. Good luck!
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