Wording a note in a wedding regret card?

I think you should use the names you know them by (Becky&Rob) I feel it makes it a bit more personalised and meaningful between you and them. The fact that you've bought them a gift and sending a regret card is brilliant, and writing them a note as well. They will understand that you have a really good reason as to why you can't make it, so I think writing the names you call them usually is a nice touch.

If I had a shortened name, I would really like it if a friend used that, rather than my full name. I would think it was a bit formal otherwise.

I'm sorry you can't make it though I know the feeling.

x

Personally, I'd be informal about it. It's far easier to appear truly sorry when not constrained by etiquette!

So a formal RSVP to their parents might be: Mr and Mrs S regret that they will be unable to accept the kind invitation to the marriage of Rebecca and Robert.

But a short note to the couple would be: Dear Becky and Rob, We are really sorry we can't come to your wedding.....

Owlalice, thanks for your advice. I wasn't sure what to do as it's sort of an inside the card thing! It's a real nuisance that we can't make it though but we looked at all the transport options we could. The bus to and from the wedding for the pair of us would be £14, then about 45 mins by taxi and about an hour home by taxi on a Saturday night. Like I say, although we'd really love to go we just don't have the money to pay those sort of taxi rates. We're just about scraping by with our wedding!

MrsStobe13 xx

I'd agree wholly! I think far too much in this world comes down to what you should or should not do, and not what feels right to you. I have had a few text/Facebook RSVPs, much to my Mum's delight. My Mum wasn't happy at all about it but my personal attitude is that at least I know who's attending our wedding.

MrsStobe13 xx

I did one where I could not attend but the response was to her parents. That time I copied it out of Debretts - off the top of my head it should read

Miss and Mr xx thank Mr and Mr x for their kind invitation to celebrate the wedding of their daughter x, but must regretfully decline due to a prior engagement.

Then I tacked on something like "with our sincere best wishes for a wonderful day."

To a very good friend when the invite went back to her not her parents, I just wrote directly to her informally, saying how sorry I was to miss it and how if the commitment had been anything other than family I would have made it to be there. She knew anyway that I couldnt go as I had already told her about it face to face.

xxx

I don't wish to be rude but you could cut the costs down a fair bit. Are you able to drive? If you drove yourself (or rode with someone else) you'd save a lot of money (on both the £150 transport cost and no alcohol for the driver). Then do you really need to give such an expensive present? Just a wedding picture frame, for example, would make a lovely present.

I'm not trying to say you should go, just that if you really wanted to, it wouldn't be as bad as you thought.

Hi all,

So sorry, haven't cleared a few things up here!

The wedding is right across town (about 60 mins) from where we live. From the wedding, the reception is a further approximate 45 minutes away with no public transport to the venue, from there we'd need to get a taxi back on a Saturday night, please bear in mind the fare on a Saturday night is normally double the standard rate.

In regards to our wedding, the ceremony is fully accessible by a number of different bus services. From there, the reception is 10 minutes away by car or 1 of 2 bus services. There are bus services to the city centre and the local bus station right up until midnight and a train station about 10 minutes down the road. it's also a Friday, so taxis are standard rate until midnight.

H2B nor I drive, me because of health issues and H2B because he is still learning. The bride of the other couple drives and would probably drive and not drink at our wedding.

We've also explored the car share option but to no avail. The only car share we have been offered was with someone who offered us a lift to another friend's wedding..and left us stranded (costing us about £35 to get home by taxi), given this is well over twice the distance it's far too much of a risk to take if it happens again.

The other couple both have well-paid jobs and as I mentioned the bride drives. H2B works in a callcentre and I have a part-time admin job. This doesn't come to gifts really, it comes down to how much transport is going to cost because the reception is so out of the way.

Thanks again

MrsStobe13

Ok, I see now why your costs were so high!!

As soon as I received the invite and I saw the postcodes I knew it was going to cost a bit. By how much, though, I completely underestimated! H2B got a quote for the bit just between the wedding and the reception since my last post, that was an estimated £42!

MrsStobe13

What a shame you can't go. Do you have any family that could drive you so that you don't miss it as they are a good friend?

Ice Queen normally I'd say yes, but my Dad is disabled and it's not fair to expect him to drive across town 6 times, 1-2 hours away from home each time. Dad has a compacted spine and struggles with getting in and out of the car for simpler jobs like car runs, never mind operating a taxi service lol.

I really am gutted we can't go though, we thought about just going to the wedding and not the reception but it'd be nice to actually be able to talk to the happy couple before we left and I doubt they'll get the time!

MrsStobe13

I completely disagree. Not everyone is in the same circumstances and can afford the same amount to get to a wedding, even if it would be costing the OP the same amount to get there (which I know we already know isn't the case and you've conceded that point), who's to say she could do it just because her friends are able to. They're not necessarily actually in 'exactly the same boat.'

To the OP, I agree with others- informal would be best, as you can be more sincere. Although, if it were me, I would appreciate being contacted via phone as well. Or even email (on top of the lovely card). They will understand why you're unable to go, even if they're disappointed, but if you were to send a very formal card with their full names and just the formal lines of regret, they'd likely wonder what the heck was wrong with you and wonder why you were acting strange. At least, that would be my response.

I've had declines due to cost of travel, and I completely understand. I know most of my guests are travelling from abroad, but we still had someone (a member of OH's family no less) who lives in London cancel on us, and they'd have been able to get to the wedding and home on the single day, so wouldn't have even required a hotel like the other guests do. Still, we understand. I don't think it's rude at all.

Venart, thankyou so much for your detailed reply. I included a small hand-written note using the names I know them as rather than formal names, and explained that although we'd love to be there, the cost of transport was far higher than we first imagined. I'd of sent my friend a Facebook message or text but I find it a bit sleazy to accept or decline by those methods. I've had it done to me and it's quite a disappointment when you've spent £20 on stamps to invite people!

We've been quite lucky, we've had 2 decline as they are away travelling and 2 possibly 3 on health grounds. I think the availability of buses has helped a lot of people keep costs down. Most people are local too with the fursthest being about 2 hours away but she too drives. Our reception is also in a nice village hall so I can't see drinks being too dear! lol

MrsStobe13