Wording for gifts/money

How about a poem?

We are sending out this invitation
In hope you will join a celebration
But if a gift is your intention
May we take this opportunity to mention
We have already got a kettle and toaster
crockery, dinner mats, and matching coasters
so rather than something we have already got
We would appreciate money for our honeymoon pot
But most importantly we request
That you come to our wedding as our guest

Hi

To the first poster, I like that poem - thanks

To the second poster - I understand your point, but we don't want people to buy us 'gifts' that we neither would want nor use.
We are saying that if you were going to buy us something, please contribute to our honeymoon, if you don't want to buy us something or donate that is also fine.

Many Thanks

Vicky x

Weve been to numerous weddings in the last few years, the majority saying that they dont want gifts, but would appreciate the money for honeymoon etc. I dont see how anyone can find this offensive!

A wedding list is a traditional request, but most people have lived together so the money that would be spent on a gift can be put towards a honeymoon. No difference! Plus, saves people having to wonder what to buy as a gift!

We put an additional slip of paper in with the invites saying:

As we are so lucky to have a home together and already own many of the items that we need, we have decided not to request wedding gifts. We know, however, that some of you have been enquiring about this so we would like to say that if it is your intention to mark the occasion of our marriage with a gift, then we would be more than grateful to receive a small contribution towards our honeymoon.

More than anything, we hope that you can make it on the day, so please dont feel obliged to give in any way.

We are like you but the poems annoy me if asking for money or vouchers just ask, i have put a note in our invites saying that as we have been together for many yrs we do not have a gift list but would appreciate a small donation towards our honeymoon, this can be via vouchers from xxxx or cash but most of all would prefer for you to spend the day with us x

not exactly as its written but you get the gist

I like this. Nice , simple, straight to the point but not rude.

I dont see how its rude. I think its better for guests to give you something which you need

I think it's a matter of approach.

Traditionally, as a couple wouldn't have lived together before marriage, gifts were given to help them set up in their new home. Ok, so that's a bit outdated now in that couples are more likely to already live together and have most of what they need, but in that case the rationale for the gifts has gone and like Sange says, switching it to a request for money for a holiday could be seen as rude by some i.e. because the gift wasn't for your marriage as such, but for your future home as a couple.

I think if you know your family and friends would not have any difficulty with a reques for money, then go for it, but in that case you don't need to dress it up in a poem, just keep it simple and polite.

I have seen invites that say - We request your presence not presents for our special day but if you would like to a contribution towards our honeymoon would be much appreciated. Or words to that effect.

I don't think it's rude to ask for contributions to a honeymoon- that is what we will be doing as we, like many others live together and pretty much have everything we need.

In fact, the four weddings we went to over the summer all asked for contributions to a honeymoon which we were happy to contribute towards. One had a wishing well which I thought was a nice touch.

Traditionally, as a couple wouldn't have lived together before marriage, gifts were given to help them set up in their new home. Ok, so that's a bit outdated now in that couples are more likely to already live together and have most of what they need, but in that case the rationale for the gifts has gone and like Sange says, switching it to a request for money for a holiday could be seen as rude by some i.e. because the gift wasn't for your marriage as such, but for your future home as a couple.

I completely understand that, and I don't want to be seen to be saying "You must give us money when you come to our wedding otherwise you will be a cheapskate" I want people to come to our wedding and have a great day, and if, and only if, they want to give, then give us a donation.

I agree with Sange.

We had an "extra information" part of invitations that was separate from the main invitation and on the back of the directions etc. that covered the following, including gift list: No-one had an issue with this at all, some people still gave us presents, some gave us cash...but most gave us vouchers. A lot thought it was a great idea to have vouchers as they then knew that it would be spent on what it should have been... Not cash that ended up down the pub or on new shoes...

Not a fan of the poems, we wanted vouchers so we said so!

I don't mind so much about asking for contributions to a honeymoon but I would be offended by the suggestion or sight of envelopes - would probably make me give nothing.

Money poems are cheesy and to twee for my liking. I prefer the direct polite approach like Mrs C.

We are doing the same....I think it's quite a popular request these days.

However you ask is completely upto you, you know your guests better than anyone.

We chose to put this rhyme in as we know it will make our guests smile,but thats just us!

When thinking of a gift for us,

We'd ask if you'd please consider,

Contributing to our honeymoon to make it all the sweeter.

Our home is full of all the things we simply could require,

And so a holiday away, is what we most desire.

Then while we're relaxing on the beach or by the pool so blue,

We'll sit back and know it's truly thanks to you! xxx

Not a fan of this idea... if I did contribute, the money/vouchers would be in a card...

Personally I find it offensive when people ask for cash, regardless of what it´s for. How do I know it´s going to spent on the honeymoon, for example, and not on fags or the gas bill?

I also get really loathe money poems. I think if people insist on asking for money it´s slightly more palatable if they´re up front about it rather than trying to dress it up in some twee little rhyme.

We were invited to a wedding in the summer, which unfortunately we couldnt attend, but the Bride and Groom had set up an account with Thomas Cook Travel Agents. We logged on, and made a payment, but werent impressed with the fact that we had to pay the travel agents a percentage to do this, which I thought was cheeky of the travel agents! At least ho by doing that, the mone is spent on just that!

As we have everything we need, we're not asking for gifts, but what I will be putting is something like..

'The best gift we could ask for on our day, is to have our closest family and friends to celebrate with us. If you would like to give anything, please give a donation to Our Local Heroes (then put in a web address)'

Or something like that!

We can't honeymoon because we dont know when the OH is home from the army.

I'd like to thank everyone for their input ... given me some points of view that I hadn't thought of.

Have spoken to the OH and decided to go with a short poem as it is very 'me'

Thanks for being so helpful :-)

Vicky x

I don't mind being asked for cash.

I HATE money poems. It wouldn't stop be giving someone money, but I'd probably tell them (if they were a good friend) that I thought it was naff.

I don't think there's any great difference between asking for cash gifts or having a gift list, either way you are instructing people what to give you. Whether or not you perceive that is rude is up to you. I personally don't like the money poems, they are very cheesy! We had friends a few years ago that put a note in with their invitations saying they had a gift list but would prefer cash towards their renovations. I can see why they did it, but it didn't stop me feeling a little put off by it. Asking family to donate cash is one thing, I feel differently about asking friends. Personally, I would rather people donated towards our honeymoon, and if they ask then we'll tell them that but I don't know if I could be so forward as to put it in writing "Give us your money!"

Having said that, I do like Mrs C's idea about the info Q&A, that's precise and not at all forward.

I'm wondering if it would be best to just say nothing, and then if people ask us directly, just say we would appreciate donations towards the honeymoon, and deal with it that way?

Hmm, decisions decisions ...

This is what I'm probably going to do too. It's what my MOH is doing for her wedding (although I bought them personalised towels! Not quite the same but they can take them to the beach, lol). It seems to be pretty well received.

We made no mention of gifts in our invitations at all.

Nor us.

You either want gifts or you don't. If you do, then just ask for what you want politely. If you don't, and you genuinely just want people to turn up and enjoy the day, then there is no need to have any reference to gifts on your invitations.

Like Sange said above, any reference, even phrased as 'oh but if you really want to...' will be interpreted as that being what you want.

My RSVPs are going to my parents and they have been told that if people ask about gifts, to reinforce our message that we haven't asked for anything, we just want people to come and have a good time. If people insist, then dad has said he will say John Lewis vouchers, as they are something we will find useful in the future even if we have everything we think we need now.

This doesnt bother me at all I just cant stand the twee and cheesy money poems. If you want money, gifts, vouchers then just ask, you dont need to dress it up with a poem.

Yes, that's exactly what I mean.?

This. I dislike poems in cards in general, but money poems are just so awkward and contrived. The rest of the invitation is in prose and is written so it actually makes sense. Why switch to a highly contrived "poem" with dubious rhymes because you're too afraid of offending someone by asking for money and want to make it look less "serious?"

I would far rather a direct request (Not "GIVE ME YOUR MONEY!") than a poem.

WSS. I'd rather just see a polite request for money.

Your post mixes two issues, and I get slightly frustrated that they are lumped together - making some kind of gift list and asking for gifts from said list.

To start clearly, it makes little difference to me if the gift list contains presents, vouchers or money (although I'd rather contribute money to a specific gift e.g. a honeymoon - a request for cash with an unspecified purpose would be refused).

The problem I (and, I think, some others) have is in the "asking". I personally don't think it's proper, at any level or in any wording, to "ask" for any kind of gift in an invitation (and despite the protests that it's the "presence not presents" ? that count, it very much still is a request for gifts). In fact, I don't feel it proper in any situation (say, a birthday or Christmas) to volunteer your gift preferences without someone *specifically* asking you what you would like. Some people are more tolerant of simple and honest requests in wedding invitations (Jules' isn't, it's as beat-around-the-bush as any I've seen). Of course, that's the individuals' prerogative.

I don't think many people would say that making a private list, with details to be distributed upon request, is unacceptable.

My problem is that I know I am quite easily swayed ... I thought just to not put anything in, and if people did insist on asking what we wanted then ask them to contribute towards the honeymoon. However, the MOTG said that we must put something in the invites so I automatically thought ... hmm need to put something in, and then it blew up and became a whole issue.

After reading everyone's comments .. i think I am going to go with my original idea and not put anything in, then only if people tell us they wish to get us something or contribute, I would ask them to contribute ... sound ok?