Work colleagues - who to invite and who not to invite?!?

How tight are you for evening numbers?

I work as a teacher and so there are quite few of us that work there. I socalise with some of them out of school but not all. I sent them a joint invitation and asked them to rsvp. The head was included in the invite (although trust me he is not the most popular person) what i found was that my friends made the effort and the others said thanks but they werent able to make it. The wedding was held about an hour away from work though so they did have to make quite a journey to get there.

Personally if you arent really tight i would invite them and see who rsvps. I wouldnt not invite one person just because others dont on with them, it was our day and we had teh people there that we liked is any guests had any issues with others (and there were some who did even thogh we only had 50 of them) then they had to put up and shut up for one day.

Thanks for your feedback - much appreciated. The OH has 12 evening guests and mine is currently at 33 evening guests. I am already conscious that my evening list is much bigger than the OH's - he said he's fine with it but I know he doesn't want me to add to it. If you were in my shoes, would you invite the new girl? I've only known her for 1 month but come the wedding, it will be 5 months but I still feel like I am inviting her because I have to, not because I really want to. It's a difficult one ?

I'm in a similar boat. OH and I are on the same team at work, about 12 of us and we all get on really well etc, go on works nights out etc but a new girl joined about 12 months ago and she's a total pain when she has a drink in her. When we go on nights out now I have to be nowhere near her cos she's such a loud & annoying drunk. I certainly don't want her at the wedding but feel bad inviting 11 of 12 people from our team... ?

To be honest I would just invite them all if numbers aren't tight. It's just very awkward and could make someone feel really bad if they know everyone else has an invite and they don't.

Tbh from my experience, the ones that you don't really want to invite but do to be polite are the ones that say they're not coming. As my wedding is about a 2 hour drive from where I work none of my team are coming but I'm not that bothered to be honest. Have only worked there for 7 months and just did "the right thing" by inviting them all.

Hiya and welcome to Hitched

I work in a team of 10 and am only inviting the 4 collegues that I am closest too (1 doesnt work in my team but my department). TBH I think its a bit rude that people have assumed they are invited to your wedding. Are you closer to any than the rest? I am only inviting the ones that I socialise and talk to the most.

In regards to the new girl its up to you, I worked at a company once where I was "the new girl" and the lady didnt invite me. She took me to one side and explainned that she had planned her numbers before I started etc. I was fine with it. Although maybe give the invites out when she is away from her desk

It depends on numbers/budget.

I work out of 2 huge offices and we are a very social bunch so it was a real tricky one for me, if I'd invited people because I like them, we'd have been looking at another 70 (ish) including OHs which isn't practicle so i've been harsh and in the end I've invited 4 people from my "home" office of about 150 people, and 2 of those as bridesmaids and I've invited 2 out of 50 in my temporary office.

On the list of those not invited are people i've talked to about the wedding non-stop (a colleague is also getting married at the same time), a couple who went out of their way to invite all our "year intake" - 14 people, to their weding, my line manager who's been there through thick and thin and knows all my problems and many people I'd drink with at least once a month before I met OH.

ETA: Forgot to say, hello and welcome to hitched!

Thanks for the feedback girls - fantastic, real food for thought ?

monkey_nut - Does the girl know that she's not invited? Has anything been said by her or your other colleagues?

GemmaLouise1986 - I totally get what you're saying. When we had our company wide Christmas do (all expenses paid), only 4 of my team attended and it was only 15 mins up the road. Our venue is 45 mins up the road, so even less appealing. Btw, 21 days to go...exciting stuff ?

Lil Miss Red - Thanks for the welcome ? I was taken a back the other day when a colleague asked me outright in front of others and yesterday, someone else asked too - both guys. I would never dream of being so upfront. I didn't know what to say and just said the list is TBC, and then changed the subject. Yes, I am closer to some more than others - if I was to go on that, 10 invites would drop to 7 invites only.

Little Madam - Thanks to you too ? Wow, you have been harsh - it must have been a hard decision. I think people assume that evening invites cost nothing...when in reality, it's costing us £23ph (not that I would ever disclose that to them). One minute, I am making a decision with my head (thinking about our budget), the next with my heart (after people have asked me outright)...I didn't think it would be this hard ?

It is a tricky situation and one I find myself in too. I work in Human Resources and the Payroll team come under as a department, that means there are 13 women I work with closely.

I don't see eye to eye with my boss however she has aleady said "are we closing the department down on that day?" I am inviting 3 of my work colleagues to the day and I'm very close to these 3 and I'll be inviting the others to the evening, going on past experience of work nights out, christmas meals etc I know several people won't come and that's fine.

We are getting married on a Friday so we will say if you want to see us get married then that's fine come to the church but purely from a number point of view, they can't come to the day.

For work colleagues, both of us have only invited people that we actually 'deal with' on a regular basis, not every single person (as that would have taken us to about 400 plus partners....).

We've both had new people join our companies in the last month or so - with 4 months to our big day - and agreed that unless we've known them for 6 months then they didn't get an invitation, a principle we extended to partners of our guests.

No point in inviting people neither of us really had a clue who they were...

I should add all the people from work (bar 1 who is invited to the whole day) are invited to the evening bit. My managers not invited but I think whe assumed that. When she was asking about my dress she said "I can't wait to see the pics of you in your dress"

it is def hard but do what you want and your budget can afford. It's your day x

Welcome to hitched!

If you're sending your invites out soon I wouldn't invite the new girl. I'm sure she'll understand and may feel pressured to go if you gave her an invite now and everyone else was going. We have tried not to invite people "just because we feel we should" although it is hard. We also have a "B" list for both day and evening guests, as have to be quite tight on numbers due to the venue, so once we have some of our RSVP's back we will upgrade the B list, sounds harsh I know but we also have to pay for a minimum number of guests so want to make sure we meet that, as well as having all the people we love there with us. Maybe once you get chance to get to know the new girl better, and after you've had some RSVP/refusal/accept/declines etc back you could invite her?? x

Hawk - Thanks for that. I am beginning to realise that my dilema is quite common. Luckily, I only have to think about an evening invite with my colleagues.

ajdown - Thanks for your principle ? I think after hearing your wise words, I have decided that the new girl doesn't get an invite...and I can only hope that she can see it from my point of view.

Lil Miss Red - Thanks. I think with colleagues asking / assuming, my decisions are being made on what they want / expect, rather than what I want for myself and my OH (who says I'm a bit of a soft touch).

rachb3 - Thanks for the welcome ? We're sending invites out next month and I did think that if I invited the new girl that she might feel pressured to come along when we don't know each other. Going on your advice, if a few months down the line, we get to know each other better and I want her there, I could give her a last minute invite.

We were pretty ruthless with inviting our work colleagues. OH works for a large College so has 100s of colleagues, we couldn't realistically invite them all. We narrowed it down to his immediate colleagues and his line manager. I work for an organisation with 30 staff and I know each and every one of them. I only invited approx 7 of the 30 - some I don't know very well (new starters etc) and others I just plain don't like. I've invited our Chief Exec, but not my immediate boss as she's a miserable snobby bi*ch quite frankly - she also knows OH's dad and as we're not inviting him we thought it prudent not to say too much to my boss about the wedding incase he finds out through her and gatecrashes.

(a) But that's us - I know you say not everyone gets on with your boss, do YOU get on with her? If you do and you like her, invite her. I hate my boss, so there was no way in hell I was going to invite her!

(b) I'm sure the new lady would understand if you didn't invite her - she may have felt awkward if you had invited her and she doesn't really know you, you know?

(c) I put a little note in my colleagues invitations saying something like "please be discreet as we can't invite everyone from the office". Those whos home addresses I knew, I posted them out.

I think it's rude of your colleagues to assume you would invite them. We told people we were restricted by the venue size

If I had only worked with someone for a month, I wouldn't be expecting an invite and I would probably feel awkward if I was invited tbh!

Aside from that I can't help much as I'm in the reverse situation. (I've only worked at my current job a month and some of my team mates are asking when they'll get their invites. Awkward much!)

Hope you make a decision that's right for you!

Maybe I've just been lucky but I haven't had one work colleague ask me if I've "forgotten" to invite them. Certainly presumptuous of anyone to expect an invite!

As for the "new girl", you have plenty of time till your big day still so you could always see how you get on - if you get on really well there's no reason not to ask her if she wants to come along to the evening celebrations, for example, as the extra cost is minimal to you.

My OH is inviting everyone from his work (+ partners+ kids) to either evening or day - so about 40 or so people , but it's a small business, he's been there 6 years and it would be rude not to. At least a couple of people will potentially have to disappear or not make the evening reception (on call) but that's fine by me - there's a couple of people I would ideally not want, but the politics of not inviting them would be far too painful long term, so we just have to go for it. My evening list is much smaller than his, but I've got more friends during the day, so we've just had to find the money and made sure the venue was big enough from the beginning.

Hey there, I went through this same dilemma.....I work in quite a small company of about 20 people but if we were to invite them all and their partners it would take up half of our guest list quota....and there are some people I like and some I can't stick so only inviting some would have caused bad feeling!

We are also saved a little bit from being the bad guys as we are getting married a fair whack from where we live so are not having an evening do at all ....so what I have done is put a notice up to say that we can't unfortunately invite anyone as we are limited to small numbers but we will have a big party when we get back!

The slight discrepancy is the boss and his wife who have got an invite as they have been brilliantly supportive, so that has prompted a few jibes but luckily everyone seems to have been ok!

Fruitbat83 - Thanks for taking the time to answers all of my questions. (A) Yes, I like my boss but if I had a choice, I don't think I would socialise with her outside of work. I've gone from inviting her, to not inviting her, back to inviting her because mum says I shouldn't leave the boss out. (B) Yep, I've made a decision on this now, and she will not be getting an invite. (C) That's such a great idea - thanks ? It's mad I know and the one colleague who asked this weekend, even replied to a Facebook post of mine (non wedding related) with "Invite?" ?

FutureMrsWilson - Thanks for your input. Oh dear (re: your colleagues asking) and you're a newbie too ? Like I said before, I would never dream of asking.

ajdown - And men too!!! I thought men preferred a stag night, over a wedding do?!?

Nervousbride88 - Thanks, I hope she'll think that too. I know she got married 2 years ago, so she should be pretty clued up on weddings / cost etc.

Randomsabreur - Thanks for that. Life would be easier without office politics and family ones too. I have said to my OH, my evening list will increase by +1 max. (after this hoohar with people asking) because currently, I have 3 times more evening guests than him, so it's only far that I don't take the mick.

MrsShark - Thanks fellow September Bride ? I'm glad to hear that your colleagues have taken it well. My OH is telling me to tell people that ask (who weren't even on the maybe list for the evening) to mention the limited venue size (a small white lie but they're not to know)...I will just have to say that if I get asked again, and hope my nose doesn't grow!!!

Hi Ladies,

I'm coming into this conversation quite late... hope you all don't mind picking it back up briefly. I'm an American living and getting married in England next year. The traditions for weddings are very similar but I wanted to get some input on inviting people to various parts of the day. It seems like it is not uncommon to invite a large group of friends and/or coworkers to the church/ceremony or alternatively to the evening party. In the US we don't really distinguish between dinner and the evening entertainment - it's all the reception so inviting people just to the evening party is quite new to me.

Anyway, where this is all leading is how to handle my coworkers. There is a small group (probably 2 with partners and 3 singletons) who I'd like to invite to everything as we are really close. But there is a larger group that I would happily invite to the church but would prefer not to invite to the other portions due to the cost. We work in a relatively small organisation and I work with most everyone on a regular basis and socialise with most them outside of work. I'd really like them to be a part of the day in some way so thought having them just to the church would be the way to go. It seems that at least one other of our coworkers has done this in the past. Would this be acceptable or is it best just to invite the close group to the whole day and keep it at that?

Thanks for any advice you can give me!