Worried If the Vicar ask me....

Sorry to say this, but I think it's most likely that if you haven't been baptised and have no intention of becoming so, you probably won't be allowed to marry in a church. If your desire to get married there is purely for the beautiful architecture, you could consider some very beautiful stately homes, converted barns etc in your area which are licensed for civil ceremonies. I hope I don't offend you here, but I really don't like to hear people say they don't believe in God but want a church wedding because it's a pretty building. It's a religious house, marriage is a religious institution first and foremost, but these days there are more than adequate provision for people who don't practice a religion. It would be pretty disrespectful to insist on a church wedding if you don't follow the faith. I think Hindu temples are absolutely stunning but I wouldn't dream of expecting to be married in one because I'm not Hindu!

What type of church is it Eliza? If your just talking C of E not sure its a problem - I cannot say that I am religious, but OH family are and so for him and them a church wedding was always going to be what they wanted. I saw it as an opportunity to help OH do something that was important to him, although I am not a regular churchgoer. When we met with the vicar he did ask about the connection with the church, and as OH parents were married there and OH had been there regularly with them as a child this didnt seem an issue.

I always said that I didnt want a church wedding as I felt it was hypocritcal when Im not really a 'follower', but once I found out how OH felt about it that changed my mind. Ive been a few times since we organised the wedding, and whilst I find the sermons interesting and thought provoking, I cant honestly say Im converted or anything!

Now, if its a catholic service, that might be another story altogether!!!

Sorry, im not religious either so I cant help on the church thing.

But I just wanted to say that your story was so lovely its brought tears to my eyes and makes me think of my grandparents. Im glad you have something to believe in that makes you happy and comforted.

xxxx

I think it depends on how you define the word christian... My ex used to say that there are lots of very good catholics but much fewer who are good christians.(ie people who went to church but weren't very nice people) I am not overly reglious and not wholly sure there is one god, I was baptised C of E but will be having a catholic wedding as my partner is catholic and his father is a deacon and will be marrying us. So i have started to go to catholic church with h2b and much as i find them enjoyable i am no closer to making a decision on whether i believe in one god and creationism.... If your H2b is religious and does attend church regularly there should not be a huge problem about your beliefs as long as you do not say it is all rubbish!

I do understand what you mean when you say you have a connection with the church however I wouldnt suggest your opening line be that you dont beleive in god....

If it was me and I hope you do not take any offence to this but I would maybe questioning why you want to get married in this church? thats what the vicar asked me and for me I feel there is something out there which paths our futures and i do think that god has involvement in this. I feel this so much recently when I lost my dad, however distraught i feel at really bad times, I definitely feel that something/someone decided that it was time for my dad to pass away and maybe even move on to another life....i am not sure there.

Besides the architecture is there anything about this particular church? Im getting married in one of my local ones from where I grew up, and for me I want my vows to my future husband to be witnessed and blessed by god

I hope ive helped and not annoyed you in my views xx

You're not being a cow about it at all! Just my POV, as you said. My h2b is extraordinarily atheist so although I'm a practicing Christian and DO go to church regularly, we're having a civil ceremony because he feels it would be hypocritical of him to have a religious service when he doesn't believe in the God he'd be making all these vows before. As I said, there are LOADS of gorgeous licensed buildings around, and if you want to honour your spiritual beliefs about angels, you could always have a Humanist ceremony. They're much less restricted than civil ceremonies so you can make references to religious stuff, which you absolutely cannot in a civil one. The only problem is that Humanist ceremonies aren't legally binding so you'd have to have a separate civil wedding to get the paperwork done. You can literally do that in jeans and t-shirts, no rings, vows or guests beyond your two witnesses though.

When we booked our church we were asked on the form we had to complete if we had been baptised, and if so, where. We were never asked outright about our religious beliefs, I think that would seem rather crude.

Of corse you are not being a lil cow about it, dont be silly! I hope we have all helped in some way

keep us updated how you get on too xx

When my brother got married -in church - the minister asked his beliefs and he said aethiest but minister didnt flinch. The bride belonged to the church.

Hubby and I have a faith but we dont have a religion if that makes sense, we both felt we should marry in a church and married in a church we dont even attend or belong to. I'm not christened and the minister never asked us about our views or beliefs......

I dont know why the church of england has to be so diffy, but if you believe in SOMETHING then tthats better than believing in nowt, surely???? all the best with it. x

Don't be silly everyone is allowed their own beliefs. I am catholic my partner wasn't and the priest said he would marry us but my partner decided to be baptised anyway. If your partner is part of the religion that you want to marry in it shouldn't be a problem but sometimes it depends on the priest/vicar. Hope that helps.

I agree i think it does sometimes depend on the vicar/priest and how leaniant they are with the church rules and the marriage service. We were both born within the parish of the church where we are getting married and my mum still lives in the area so we have met that "criteria" But neither of us have been christened but my mum has, i don't think that made any difference to our vicar though

Hope that helps

I don't think it is a problem.

The vicar asked me and OH we explained our circumstances. I do believe, I go to church on an adhoc basis well - often enough for the people in the church to know me. I was also brought up going to church every week as a child. I also went probably once a month as an adult with my gran until she had a stroke last year and so it unable to attend now.

We are both baptised - me as a methodist and OH a catholic but OH is in the army and on his dogtags OH has "Athiest" (sp?) - he told our CoE vicar this and it wasn't a problem. He challenged him as to why and OH explained it was important to me and to his family as his gran is also very religious, and goes to Catholic mass twice a week. The vicar seemed a little like he was thinking "Oh, ok then.." but he hasnt refused to marry us.

This is exactly how we felt. I don't think it's a good idea to be making your married life on a lie. You are making your vows in the eyes of god, therefore I tihnk if you don't believe in god your vows are worthless. That's not the same as going to church every day but I do think it's very odd getting married in church if you don't have any beliefs in God. Still, churches are desperate for the funds now aren't they, so they'll pretty much marry anyone who doesn't have a pentagram carved in their head.

I really do think that if you do not believe in God, you should not be getting married in a church - which is why we are having a civil ceremony. As we are both christened, this initially caused a bit of debate with my family, but they are now very supportive and agree that it is the right thing to do.

I have friends that are practising Christians, so I would feel very hypocritical to have a religious ceremony, as they would know I was only getting married in a church for the nice architecture. In fact, they have said they respect me more for having a civil ceremony, rather than 'pretending' for the day.

Funny you should say that, my mother has a crescent moon tattooed on her forehead which is somehow linked to her Druid-y beliefs!