worried my sister is going to ruin my day :(

You say she is 'with her partner' etc but are they actually married? Maybe she is desperate for the full-on 'princess for a day' wedding experience that you are going to get and be the centre of attention, but her partner is of the mind that getting married won't change a thing between them so it's a waste of time? That's often a source of jealousy amongst friends let alone close family.

Hi

she has been married before but didnt last........her partner is against marriage i think....but how do i go about this...i know im being selfish but dont want her making me feel s**t on the day

she is also like that in general she didnt take an interest in my life before even when me and h2b got our house together ...

Thanks Amy xx

First of all, it's not selfish to want to feel good on your wedding day - you don't put in all the work planning your perfect day to end up feeling rubbish, so don't call yourself names!! You're allowed to feel good

Secondly, from what you've said, it seems she's just generally not being very warm to you or interested in things that are really important stages in your life. I don't think it's just the wedding. As you have quite a bit of time before your day I think you should have a good think about how her behaviour upsets you and then sit down and explain how you feel to her. If you don't feel comfortable doing this straight off, is there another relative/friend who you get on well with who knows both of you and you can explain how you feel to them and get some 3rd party feedback first? If you keep it simple, referring to how you feel, you have no reason to come away feeling bad, whatever she says. There is nothing wrong in believing a close family member would be interested, and I think it's normal to question why she isn't.

If this doesn't work, I think you might just have to accept that she isn't going to be happy for you the way you want and focus on the people who are happy for you and want to help you on the way to your dream wedding! There are lots of people on here who for one reason or the other have had an unexpected absence from a friend or family member when it comes to their wedding. Unfortunately, announcing your engagement and marriage seems to bring out the worst in some people!!

Do feel better though - try to focus on your OH, your plans and the lovely day on the horizon!

Wow! She does sound selfish.

To be honest, I think if she doesn't come to your wedding, she will be doing you a favour. You will be able to relax!

Hi,she sounds a bit jealous. I think there are a couple of ways to deal with it..try to make either her or her children really involved in the wedding..is she a bridesmaid? are the kids bridesmaids/pageboys? If you really don't want her to be perhaps she could say a reading or you could treat her to hair and make up on the day. Hopefully the more she is involved the less likely she is to spoil it. If you can't do any of these things i would not bother asking her not to be a cow as that will get her back up and sometimes people behave the way they are almost expected to.

I would just treat her as if she will act perfectly on the day and cause no drama.

Tbh, as you know there is a chance she'll ruin your day and you know the things she'll do to achieve this, you should prepare yourself for it, expect it and remember that she'll only ruin your day if you let her...

I would take her aside and have it out once and for all ! I would tell her how much she is hurting you and that Mum says she won't come and if that is the case tell you now ! Let her throw her toys now then at least you will know what you are getting. She can only make you feel s*^t if you allow her to. She sounds bitter about something as if she were happy in her own life she would get nothing out of annoying you ! Expect the worst , expect her to be badly behaved and then anything alse is a bonus ! x

Just out of curiosity is she older than you? I only ask as I had a similar situation with my 1st marriage. My sister was totally uninterested and thought it should have been her getting married first as she was the oldest. Funnily enough she couldn't do enough for my younger sister for her wedding. I came to the solution it was me that was the problem and there was nothing I could do to make it better.

I know it is hard but try not to let her ruin your planning or your day, if she leaves early that may be a good thing and try not to let it upset you as it gives her the attention she craves.

Hi yes she is older than me, thanks for the advice, the last thing i want to do is upset her but the more it goes on its upsetting me...

thanks

Amy x

i do see her point of view and i understand and really feel for her that it must be awful that she is not getting married to her current partner...yes i do take an interest in her life i go to see her at least once a month, in the whole 2 years ive been living with my partner she has come to see me twice. i always communicate with her asking how she is whats kids are up to...but dont ever get anything back no im good thanks hw are you?? nothing its like getting blood out of a stone....when we do go round and see her its very difficult to start convos with her as she will only talk about herself, never ask us anything. ive never demanded or accused her of anything when i try and bring the subject up, she just shrugs anyting off....im so sorry but i dont think im being selfish for wanting to enjoy my day, its not my fault she isnt getting married yes it's awful but its not my fault, ive never rubbed it in her face that im getting marrried, which is why i didnt want to involve her too much incase it upsets her more.... im sorry you think im the selfish one.

What a tricky situaiton. It's horrible to feel liek the people who are important to you are not being supportive. I am probably way off the mark but i'm just thinking of my own family when i say this. I was wondering does your sister know what you expect from her. The reason I ask this is because I see your wedding is over a year away. Mine is about a year away and my sister doesnt ask me anything or offer to do anything - but i think it is because she thinks it is ages away and just doesnt get it. I don't mind as this is the way my family is and she has lots of other demands on her attention. Probably way off the mark - but i always like to play devils advocate :p

Not sure I can tell you what to do as it's difficult when you don't know the people involved so I can only tell you how I'm dealing with a similar situation.

I've got 2 sisters, both considerably older (one - 15 yrs older (sister A) and one 21 years older (B)). Sisters A and B don't get on but I get on with both. I've always been a lot closer to sister A and spent the majority of my time with her when I was growing up, probably as much time as I spent with my mum!

Fell out with sister B a couple of years ago but made up now even though I find her terribly hard work. Sister A has recently started working for the first time and since then she hasn't had time for anything at all. When I told her I was getting married she was pleasant enough about it to me but to my mum said "I don't know why she's bothering to get married". She's married herself for the 2nd time and has her own, practically grown up, children. She's started making hints to my mum that she doesn't like weddings and how mcuh of the day she'll spend at the wedding.

We think that she'll come for the ceremony and sit at the back so she can leave if she wants. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't stay for the meal and she and her family definitely won't stay for the evening. I am upset about this but to date, I'm in denial about it. Having read your post I should probably speak to her (if I can pin her down for 2 seconds) and ask her what portion of the day she's coming to. I'll be satisfied if she stays for the wedding breakfast but knowing what she's like, I won't be surprised if she leaves early. I'm not going to let it get to me. I'll have enough people around me to celebrate with and enjoy my day.

On the other hand, sister B asks me about the wedding every time I speak to her! I've found that weddings make people act very oddly.

I think what I'm trying to say is that you're probably not going to be able to change her and she's behaving like she is for whatever reason. I'd probably ask her what percentage of the day she's coming for and explain that you really need to know in advance so that there are no surprises on the day. At least you can prepare yourself for whatever she does.

Hello all

thanks for your responses i think i either need to except that she has no interest in me and my life as it's not just the wedding she has acted like this i just assumed with it being such a big thing, i may get just one question every now and then, but as you say i need to except thats the way she is. Or i talk to her and have it out with her and either burn all bridges or some new amicable relationship starts.

i need a massive think before i do anything

it is obviously jealousy but how do you deal with that??????? dont want to upset her more.

Anyway thanks so much for all your advice. xx