worried sister might try to upstage me

Sorry to sound harsh, but why on earth are you having her as your MOH if she acts like that? If you have more bad things to say about her than good, she certainly isn't hitting the criteria for the job. I'm having my sister as my MOH and she is quite a bit older, but I can't imagine having anyone else. She is also planning on losing a lot of weight & gonna get spray tanned, hair done & nails done. But she is doing this for herself & her own confidence on the day & I want her to be looking her best ?

I wouldn't try & control what she wears (obviously dress you can but hair & makeup) as this will probably make her rebel against you more.

TBH, I don't have any really close friends (as sad as that sounds!) And in other ways she's okay, she's just very "me,me,me". My oh is my best friend but he's got a rather more important role that day ; ) I'm starting to regret both my bm choices...the other one is my future SIL....she's much older than me, very plain, hasn't worn a dress since her own wedding day & has a son that is likely to throw a fit if he can't be with his mummy..... Oh crap. What have I done!?!!

I'm the same hun, I wouldn't say it's "sad"- I've moved around a lot in the past few years & the girl I always thought would be my MOH turned out to be a complete manipulative cow & I wouldn't even think about inviting her now ? OH is my best friend too & the only other friend who I am extremely close to is a guy ?

I'm having my sister & SIL2B - my SIL2B has been a bridesmaid about 10 times now so she is a veteran so i'm hoping she'll be extremely helpful!

Never too late to "sack" them anyways, as cruel as it sounds - with your SIL you could just say you think she'd enjoy herself better if she could be with her little boy & your sister you could have as a witness but not your MOH. These days, it isn't unheard of to not have any bridesmaids at all, which might be less hassle for you, as well as being cost effective. Do you have any nieces or young cousins that could be mini-maids for you, instead of having adult maids?

She woN't upstage you, you're the bride, all eyes will be on you! And if she looks like she's trying to upstage you everyone will see this and think how daft she's being. Alternatively buy her a really horrible unflattering dress ?

I agree with this, especially the last bit ? lol. It is your day, all eyes will be on you. No-one can upstage the bride, and if they try, it is soooo obvious and everyone will ignore her

I would leave it. If she tried to upstage you she will only succeed in making herself look bad :-)

I guess it is the one day when she can't outdress me. Thank you ladies xx

Ok, I'm going to break a bit from what others have said. I understand how as the bride you wouldn't want to be upstaged, but you won't be. You're the bride! In that sense, I think you should let your sister try to look the best she can. Don't put her in a horrible dress. It's not only petty, but her looking good will only be a great reflection on you. After all, would you want you guests thinking, "Boy, she sure has a dumpy bridesmaid." It doesn't seem like you'd want this either given your comment about your FSIL being "very plain."

As for your sister upstaging you through her actions (making some announcement), if you really think this might be an issue, I'd just talk to her about it. After all, you can't very well tape her mouth shut.

Your the bride ! upstaging you will be extremely difficult and people will see her in a bad light if she even attempts it.

Keep a tight rein on what YOU want and don't let her over rule or undermine your decisions. Just remind her that she is the showy one and you prefer things to be far more simple and elegant.

I'm going to go against the grain a little bit and say that I don't think what she's doing is all that bad! I did all of those things when I was MOH for my sister. I lost weight, got my nails done, got a fake tan. I wanted to feel good about myself, in my dress, in photos etc. But she was the bride, of course all eyes were on her.

I agree! I think you'll find she won't be the only one having made a big effort for your special day. I know all my friends are planning to do what she's doing, and it's just out of respect for the event.

She can't upstage the bride but if you're worried she'll make some announcement, put a parent or relative on duty to keep an eye on her and make sure nothing like that happens

I'm sorry, but it sounds like you're upset because she wants to look her best? That's completely unfair!! So what if she's a size 8 and wants to tone up?? Good for her! So what if she wants to get her nails done and have a fake tan and lashes? I've never heard of bridesmaids NOT getting their nails nicely done, and lots have professional make up and hair done, and fake tan if that's what they usually do to look good. the only valid problem I see in your post is that she's a me-monster, and that would be very difficult to do at someone else's wedding. It almost comes across like you're jealous of how she looks instead of honestly and validly worrying about her making your wedding about her.

If you try to control every aspect of her on your wedding day you will end up with a million more headaches than if you just let her be herself and focus on enjoying the day instead of worrying about her. It seems like a lot of brides end up creating drama where there doesn't need to be any. Unless your sister is trying to dictate how you get married, then just let her be and ignore it.

I dont want to sound harsh, but I think that the only person at your wedding it will matter to is you. Everyone else will only care about the bride and groom, that is why they are coming. Anyway, on the day you will be caught up in the whirlwind and have such a wonderful time that you'll forget what you were worried about in the first place.

totes agree with KNees here, whenever im a bridesmaid or go to awedding i get hair, nails, tan and lashes done, makes ME feel better about myself rather then trying to upstage the bride or whatnot!! You need to chill and not get all Bridezilla about it..

Sounds to me like your sister is gonna do what she's gonna do so the best you can do is manage your own feeling and anxieties about it. You control how you think and feel about her. If you start thinking "I don't give a crap what she does" then you'll start to feel a whole lot better!

I totally get where you are coming from re said sister. I had similar issues with my sister and in the end I sacked my sister. this doesn't sound like its as superficial as her losing weight, getting a fake tan - sounds like the issues are running deeper and you're anxious because you've always kept your mouth shut. If you want to read my post on my situation, it's called 'Nightmare BM - and she's my sister".

You MUST follow your heart. My sister is still - despite making it very clear on my wishes - trying to make me feel that it's MY fault that I have made the decision I have made. Like you, I have "bitten my tongue" but her behaviour a few weeks was the straw that broke the camel's back. The other posters are correct - if she tries to upstage you she will look very silly, but the fact that she is willing to go for it shows that she just can't have your best interests at heart.

If you can, have a chat with her and try to steer it that you're doing this as a team. if she can't get this, then consider asking her to be 'just' a witness. You need to feel that you can enjoy yourself on what is a fabulous day about you and your H2B - not worrying about others!! I feel a million times better since making my decision - and as sad as it is - it will be her that will be feeling odd not me - and it will be the same for your sister too.

Go for it - your day, your way!!!!!!!

exactly this........it is YOUR day and you will be the centre of attention not your sister...try not to worry xxx

Are you sure she is trying to upstage you? My little sister is CBM, and she is so excited, and will also do all of these things no doubt! My mum is also talking about getting all sorts of bits done for 'the big event of 2013' as she calls it! I am flattered that they think my wedding day is such a big deal and that they are sharing in my happiness. Maybe you're being a bit sensitive? I don't know your history, though, so I might be well of the mark.

Hi there,

I have an attention-seeking family member too, I have been to other family weddings where she stood up and drew attention to herself as she was feeling left out - I'll be damned if she does that to me!

To combat this I have given her jobs to do on the Big Day, something that she can focus her energy on and feel important about.

I would suggest giving your sister a reading to do at the ceremony. You can choose a passage you love (so she can't choose to talk about herself) but this will hopefully make her feel important and/or nervous. Both of these things should work in your favour as she will have a time to be seen and heard and if she's nervous she won't be trying to get everyone to look at her.

Once the ceremony is over the worst danger has passed and you should be able to enjoy the day. If you are worried about her at other stages of the wedding then find more jobs for her to do (imagine she's a rebellious mule - keep giving her more packs to carry til she has no energy left to rebel!)

Good luck with the big day!!