Worried we made a mistake with guest list

You're very sweet and kind! If I'd been you, I wouldn't have invited any of the cousins at all. I'd just have made sure Uncle was seated next to people he knew and that a BM or usher was briefed to give him some extra special attention during the day to make sure he felt included and loved. But you're obviously not as strict as me, lol!

If you've never even met the cousins, they can't argue with your decision to exclude their partners. They should feel lucky to be asked at all, to be honest! The partners might huff and puff about it a bit, but as you've never met them it's not likely to affect you. When the relationship between them and you and your OH is so practically non-existent, I don't think anyone would dare make a fuss.

When are the RSVPs due back?

x

That is a really sweet thing to have done, and please do not lose sight of that.

If you are having an evening do, then obvious solution is to invite cousin partners to the evening only. If no evening do, can you not have a quiet word with one of the more reasonable cousins, and it is not rude to say we are limited by numbers due to I would assume health and safety as you reiterate it's quite small.

Couple things you can do,
1) say that once you have all the rsvp's in, you'll be able to see if you can hopefully add their partners.
2) once the cousins know that their partners may not be able to come let them know that you have reserved 4 places, and if they want to re-jig that's fine, ie, 2 children of your OH's uncle and their partners and not his other 2 cousins.

I hope you don't worry too much, and from what you have written, none of that is rude, it is kind, thoughtful and compassionate. This will work out

The problem is its not however you meant it its the fact that you cant ask someone to celebrate your relationship while at the same time completely ignoring theirs... that is no matter how its spinned increadibly rude

it would of been far less rude and make more sense to just not invite the cousins - to be honest I dont think you should hold your breath for a 'yes' RSVP from them... im unlikely to bother travelling for a cousin I barely knows wedding to a partner ive never even met anyway let alone one where they didnt even aknowledge that im an adult with a partner myself so all in all youll probably have several empty spaces on the day because its basically a wasted invite

since your not close to them its not going to be a huge loss to your life that they probably wont be coming and might think your rude... I doubt they would be rude enough to start drama or anything over mistaken ettiquettesso apart from a 'no' RSVP and possibly a little gossip in the extended family there is not really any repercussions of this

Wow, is there really any need to respond like that?

I have not ignored anybody's relationship or undermined their marriages, we have said to everyone that we wish we could invite everyone but it's not possible in our small venue, unless nearer the time when we have some rsvp's we might have some spaces freed up. They weren't sent an invite on their own: "To Cousin, and Not Your Wife" it was to them as a family "uncle Bob, Jim and Ted"

Just trying to make the best of a situation and avoid a widower getting a wedding invitation without his wife's name on a few months after she's passed away, travelling by himself and maybe feeling horribly lonely at the wedding, so we thought it would be nice to have his children with him.

if I was invited somewhere without my partner or vice versa I wouldn't see it as a personal attack on our relationship. We are able to function as separate entities. Especially if it was, as explained, for a very small wedding with limited spaces available. Btw, if any of these cousins asked about bringing their other halfs and we still couldn't fit them in and they didn't want to go, we would obviously be understanding about that.

I was worried about making a mistake but thanks for being so unbelievably harsh.

I honestly think that is a lovely gesture and not at all a problem. Im doing the same, my cousins are all invited with their parents as a family and only my one cousin who I speak to regularly and is living with her partner is getting a plus 1.

We are having 104 guests to our wedding breakfast and we are still struggling with numbers so I cannot imagine how hard it must for you.

I was a bridesmaid for my best friend of 21 years recently and she didnt invite my fiance (Not engaged at the time) to the wedding although we were living together, however they had such limited numbers but he was invited to the evening do and although at first I was a bit upset, I did understand. We will be inviting her husband to our wedding, no grudges held. At the end of the day people should feel privileged to be invited. After having to do my own guest list and knowing how hard it is, I will never take it personally again.

Good luck, see how it goes Im sure it will all work out in the end x

I would discuss this with your soon-to-be husband and (if possible) whichever one of your fiance's parents whose sibling or sibling-in-law passed away.

Instead of inviting your partner's uncle +1; it's your uncle +?. Wherever you stop inviting people, it's got potential to be awkward.

My gut instant is to invite uncle + his children and their partners. Explain that since his wife can't be there, it's reasonable to invite his sons and partners. I'd draw the line there.

Thanks for input so far everyone. It's so difficult from whichever angle! We are literally at the very limit of the numbers allowed for the ceremony (until we get replies from anyone who won't be able to come which odds are there will be some) cousins without partners is potentially an issue, but then if we invited two cousins+partners, we worried the other auntie and uncle would be like hey, you invited our brother's kids but not ours, why? The aunties and uncles are quite close you see.

I was trying to think of it at the time as say one of my cousins was getting married and keeping it very small, if I received an invite for my parents, brother and myself, I don't think I would be put out to not go with my partner when it is literally a case of not being able to fit everyone in. It's not a budget issue... We would be happy to pay a little more to feed them etc.

It will probably make it more awkward to start pressing the issue now, maybe we would get some 'no' rsvp's and then if asked about partners we can say oh of course

anywho here I am at 1:30am with my hair falling out over potential guest list upsets, joy

Sorry I know it's hard with limitations in space however couples do come as one social unit. Asking them to just come to the evening is adding inconvenience and tbh I really would see it as rude.

This is a really tricky one, because there's no way I'd go to a wedding without OH. I wouldn't feel put out or angry to be invited alone, I'd just politely decline. We work all week and the weekend family time is sacred.

When are RSVPs due? I would sit tight and see who RSVPs and who doesn't. You might get cousins feeling it's a bit far and declining which would be problem solved!