would you ever retract an invitation?

How have they disappointed you?

Hi frootishus, this might seem silly to some but not to me as all my family are going abroad with us to get married and we had made arrangements with this couple to look after our pets when we go away. All they had to do was go in twice a day, feed and water them. This is something I have done in the past for them and they obviously just don't want to do it anymore. It feels like this friendship is one sided and its me who helps them out. To me pets are important so I am upset at all this xxx

I wouldn't because I think it's a little petty, but I would let them know if I felt I had been taken advantage of & take the friendship from there.

So are they coming abroad for the wedding or is this an RSVP to party back home?

If they've outright said they dont want to do it anymore, I'd politely ask why they have let you down. If they havent... maybe you're reading into their actions too much under wedding pressure. I'm over a year away and snapped at FFIL the other day for a harmless joke he made over suits :/ oops

It's for the party back home, I think planning a wedding shows you who your true friends are x

We've retracted an invite from OH's friend and his wife cos he made an accusation against me that really rocked our relationship, thankfully OH believed me & realised his so-called friend was being jealous of our happiness.

In this situation I would talk to your friends and tell them how you feel, especially as you're under a lot of wedding related stress already & they've added to it. Do you think they're the type to be jealous because you're going abroad to get married? I know they've disappointed you but do you value your friendship, I agree with other lady who said it would probably end your friendship with them. If you do value your friendship then I would try talking to them and not retracting the invitation.

Yes I completely agree with this!

Have they given you any reason why they won't come and see to your pets? If there's a valid reason then I'd feel different to if it was just that they can't be bothered anymore...

The only reason is that he is starting a new job, with 1 month to go to my wedding I feel they have added more stress!!! I spoke to my mum and she says to not say anything and let them come. It's amazing when you do people favours and when asked to return it then they won't. My friendship is with the guy and not his wife however I babysat "both" their cats x

Millie-hubble when they got married they said they wish that they went abroad. I am not sure if they would be jealous of me doing this though, hopefully not xx

I did it was my uncle his partner and two children and it caused uproar but I do not care I gave them a 6 week extension to reply and do not have £240 to waste on 4 people that can no be bothered to simply send a reply card that was already written addressed and stamped all they had to do was cross out attending or not attending.

Don't retract or say anything to them. Let them come to the party. Don't do anything for them again. It's hard when people take advantage of you but just learn from it and don't let them do it again in the future.

Don't let them ruin your build up - you've got enough time now to find someone else to look after your pets. I do understand how you feel (my bm is looking after my pets when we are on honeymoon) and it's been such a relief to know I don't have to worry about finding someone. Have you tried pet boarding/holiday homes for pets? This is why I was going to do before my bm offered. Or ask around other people?

I know it is disappointing but there are worse things they could have done to you and at least you know now rather than the day before the wedding.

I'm going to go against the grain here, starting a new job is stressful, maybe he isn't sure what sort of hours he would be working and isn't sure if he will have the time to do it. Unfortunately, in his life his job is more important than looking after your pets while you get married. I realise with a month to go that it isn't the best timing but he can't not start a new job because he said he's look after your pets.

Aside from this, I wouldn't retract the invite anyway as to me it would seem like you had only invited them because they were looking after your pets, now they aren't you've decided they can't come, seems a bit like you're holding them to ransom.

I will apologise now as I may be about to cause uproar......but IMO if you have pets, they are YOUR responsibility. If you go away its is YOUR responsibility not your friends. There are things called kennels / catteries that are absolutely great, you pay them to look after your pets so you can go away. The pets get a holiday & so do you. Before you ask, yes we do have pets & we use kennels & catteries. Our dog loves to go as he gets more attention & the cat gets to eat whatever he wants & gets petted during the day rather than just on an evening.

Retracting their invite on the basis that they can't commit to looking after your pets is (i'm sorry) extremely petty & childish. Surely you invited them to your wedding for more than their pet-sitting skills?! If you didnt, then it doesnt sound like much of a friendship to me to start with.

I wouldn't retract the invite, because that is petty IMO, but I would mention to them that I was upset about the whole thing.

I agree in part with WinterBride14. The pets are your responsibility and there's a big difference between asking a friend for a favour and getting proper professional help during times you're away from home. I know my parents are always happy for a few days here or there but I'd never ask them to cover extended holiday and definitely wouldn't ask a friend to do it, not because I don't trust them but what happens if a pet falls ill or goes missing? I wouldn't want that on a friend's conscience. For our honeymoon we're getting a professional pet sitter in, mainly because they're insured and trained in pet first aid too. They're not that expensive either.

I'm guessing your pets are all fine after all this anyway, so don't retract the invite but maybe question whether you want to continue the friendship post the reception and take it from there.

Agree with this

Totally agree with Winterbride.

Maybe the friendship is a bit one sided, maybe it's an accumulation of events, in which case it may be time to reevaluate your friendship. If it's purely down to them changing their mind about looking after your pets then to retract the invitation is childish. Your pets are your responsibility, and yes maybe stuff going on in their lives is more important right now.

I can see why Pink & Glitz is a but miffed due to her friends agreeing to help with her pets, and then suddenly changing their minds, I assume because you haven't gotten married yet that you still have time to find an alternative solution.

I would say though don't retract the invitation, even if you feel the friendship is a bit one-sided. Just don't look after their pets/do them favours in the future, then you won't feel any resentment when they aren't willing to help you out.

Obviously friendship shouldn't be based on who does who the most favours for the other, but if you feel that they are taking the p!ss, then fair enough, but don't risk what I assume is a good friendship because they won't feed your pets. Just cut your losses over that favour, learn from it, and move on

*hugs*

Would I retract an invitation... yes

would I for this reason... probably not unless there was more to it

I disagree with winterbride though... I would never put my dog in a kennel, same as I wouldn't dump my nana in a care home for a week o.O also if they are at a kennel you are still not taking responsibility for them so that point is redundant the only way you would be taking responsibility for them is if they came with you

OP do you not have family you could ask (aunts, uncles, cousins etc...) we have looked after our aunt/uncles dogs before

I don't think any animal 'enjoys' going to kennels, especially cats which are territorial. To imagine it is like a holiday for them is pure anthropomorphism. However if they can't be looked after at home then obviously it is the only option.

Anyway I agree with everyone else - their circumstances have changed, they have explained why they can no longer do it and given you time to sort something else out. To retract their invitation would be so childish.

JJKCB - everyone is entitled to their opinion & i'm glad you wouldnt 'dump your nana in a care home for a week'..........however some carers of grandparents need a break so NEED to 'dump' their loved ones into a care home. My grandmother has alzheimers & she lives with my uncle full-time, however this is really hard work for all the family so Grandma often spends time in a care home, which she loves doing as it gives her a bit of a holiday where she can go play bingo, chat to other residents etc. I hope you're never in this position.

I don't think there is any right or wrong way to leave your pets, its up to your own personal circumstance.

We are considering putting our dog in kennels for the day and night of the wedding, based purely on the fact that ALL the friends and family i would happily leave her with, will be at the wedding. We could leave her home and ask someone to pop in to feed her/let her out etc, but in this situation it seems fairer for her to go to the kennels (with my mums dog, sharing a kennel) where she will have a couple of walks and some more attention. I'll just add our dog loves people /attention so much she even gets excited going to the vets! Strange i know! For our honeymoon my parents will have her to stay with them, they already have a dog so they aren't changing their routine significantly. We have my parents dog a lot more than they have ours (in fact this will be the first time) but i don't see it as being one-sided.

I would happily look after a friends pets if they needed it, but twice a day would be quite time consuming i'd struggle to fit it in with my routine, maybe your friends realised they would not be the best people for the job, and think being honest is the best option.

I can understand you being upset at being let down so close to the wedding, but as everyone else has said i don't think its worth retracting the invite or losing a friendship over.