WWYD re work/birthdays situ

That sounds like an awful birthday system!

We bring in cakes on our own birthdays for our department, much much easier. I get annoyed with all the money we're expected to shell out when people leave (I'm a teacher, so leaving all happens at the end of term, usually the summer term and it can get very expensive when 20 people leave at once!). At least we have envelopes sent round so it's private about how much or little you put in.

I think I would raise it at your team meeting, with a suggestion for how to change the system (so that it doesn't look like you are a killjoy!). But I think you've every right to think it's a bit of a silly situation!

We just do the cakes thing too, we only have collections for 'big' birthdays, weddings and babies.

I'd be rather cheesed off at being expected to pay £50 a year for colleagues birthdays too.

I'd raise it before you go on maternity leave and suggest the secret santa.

£46 birthday presents from work? Wow!

I totally agree with you, and I sympathise that you're in a difficult situation.

Easiest way out is to stick with your £3 contribution and stuff 'em if anyone thinks that's tight. If your colleague does the same, others that feel the same but don't act on it may follow suit.

Raising it really runs the risk of making you look tight and petty. If others really want to put in £5 or more for birthdays, let them.

The only other viable option I can think of, apart from your secret santa, is to do away with presents altogether and just do a card and cake for birthdays. You'd have to change the system at New Year, so no-one missed out.

BTW, at our place we don't do anything. No present, no card, no cake, no pub at lunchtime/after work, nothing. Apparently we used to up until a couple of years ago - I wonder what happened to change it?

It could be that other people are feeling the same as you, but they are afraid of bringing it up. I would just mention in the team meeting that because it is costing a lot a year, why don't you just have collections for big birthdays, weddings, babies and leaving etc. That's what we do in our place and just give cards on birthdays. I would resent putting £5 into a card for everyone in our team actually as it would get quite pricy and right now I have a lot of things that £5 could go towards.

Failing that, I would just carry on putting £3 into cards, I wouldn't think someone was tight for doing that and if people do, tough.

I've suggested the doing away with it altogether, but I got shouted down on that one when I questioned why we did the birthdays at all "this is what we've always done", "cos of the shifts we work means we can't all get to go out for lunch together etc". So what I thought, but when you're the newbie into a situ you just put up with it...but I've been there 2 years now.

Grrr. "It's what we've always done" is one of my most hated phrases - it doesn't mean it's RIGHT, does it?

I think you're gonna have to stick with your £3 and stuff 'em.

It seems a really weird system to me, do they actually give the money as a present or buy something with it? Effectively the money just circles round as everyone must end up with about what they put in over the year for their own birthday. We just bring in cakes for our birthdays, and collections (with an envelope so no one knows what you put in) for things like leaving or maternity leave.

I think I'd raise it at the meeting if you're brave enough, as others may well feel the same but not want to rock the boat.

This is exactly what we do, the envelope works well. Someone writes everyone's name on it, it gets passed round and names get ticked off when everyone has contributed. Again, we only do it for special occasions, people leaving, sickness, bereavements etc. For birthdays we get a card and the birthday person brings in cakes. Only birthdays that we do collections for are special birthdays like 40ths etc.

? all

I think I will say something - and if it goes down like a cup of cold sick, fuck the lot of them, I'll be off for the best part of a year anyway ? although I suspect I can kiss goodbye to them getting me a "new baybeh" present ?

I have always thought it was a load of nonsense but tbh it is rankling more with this particular colleague than with the others - not cos I don't like him cos he's OK, or even the fact he's been off sick for so long but other stuff. He seems to be one of those sorts who (a) makes people believe he's smarter than he is so everyone except me thinks he's utterly marvellous and (b) who seems to make normally sensible women want to coo over and mother him. And it bloody bugs me to see him being "favouritised" (is that a word? I doubt it) in this way. Grr. I could understand if he was hot or even cute but he's not, frankly!

We do get a present - usually something unimaginative and dull like vouchers. They got me book tokens which was nice enough but tbh I would have bought the books myself anyway and for a good bit cheaper off Amazon ?

I'd bring it up and then if shot down I'd not bother with it anymore. I think if others saw you weren't bothering a few others would do the same to be honest. You could be the trend setting rebel ?

At my last company they had a birthday club which you signed up to when you started, but is was optional.

Every month, we all had £2 deducted from our salary so at the end of the year you know what you are spending. Then when it comes round to your birthday you got £45 worth of M&S vouchers and a box of biscuits to share with team. Obviously for special birthdays there were the extra collections, but at least you knew what you were getting every birthday.

I don't think there is any harm is raising it at the next team meeting - I doubt you're alone in thinking it's getting out of hand and by raising it now it's done and dusted...

I don't get the whole collection thing for birthdays but then I've never understood having to buy your own cakes which H has to do - it's your birthday so why are you spending £20 in M&S?!!

We're lucky at work, we get a really nice gift that has a lot of thought put into it up to about £50 which the company pays for along with a birthday cake, sometimes a lunch as well - but I'd rather have nothing than think some of my team were struggling with a collection, I know I'd stuggle with £15 in a week, plus I hate the feeling you have to contribute too.

I don't mind collections for birthdays, but them expecting you to put X amount in isn't right at all

I sympathise completely. I think I must put in £10-20 a month to various leaving and birthday presents. It gets out of hand doesn't it.

I'd suggest options 1 or 2. 2 because someone else might raise it while you're on mat leave and then the problem's sorted.

? all I'm definitely fortified to say something now. It is a bloody ridiculous system. I've never known workplaces buy birthday presents for colleagues except for a "big" birthday like a 40th. FFS, me and my friends don't buy each other birthday presents any more - we just buy wee token things for each others' kids and send a card, so why would I be contributing towards a £50 gift for some bawbag I wouldn't choose to associate with at all if it weren't for work, when I don't give my best friend of nearly 20 years anything ?

And if it doesn't change in the interim, when I go back from mat leave I'm going to say I don't want to be included for the rest of that year and they can start including me again in 2010 - and that isn't cos I'll be going back around the beginning of August just in time for the 3 birthdays in a week, while they'll have got away with buying me fuck all as my birthday is in May, oh no ?

Actually, if it's not changed to a better system by the time I go back I think I'll just say I don't really want to be included in birthdays any more at all, not even starting the next year. A fiver or even £3 here and there is quite a lot when I'll be working part time with 2 kids. Fuck them and their poxy birthdays.

Could you make a suggestion in light of the present people will be getting your for the new baby? Something like 'Given we've grown as a company (or whatever) perhaps a better system would be to give people a signed card and let them bring in a cake. Why don't we start with my maternity leave?'

That way, it doesn't look like sour grapes. I bet you'll find a lot of people will be relieved and support the idea. That also means when you get back, irrespective of what system is operating you can say you prefer the card idea and you'll happily buy it on behalf of everyone else. Then you get a supply of reasonably priced cards and you're done.

We give £5 for each persons birthday and the money gets changed into vouchers . We are a smallish office of about 19 people and i dont think any of us find it wierd to put that amount of money in.

The only rule we have is that if you dont want to contribute then you dont receive anything for your birthday.

Really? That's nearly £100 a year in birthday presents for colleagues and you think that's OK? Blimey.

I couldn't care less if they get me something or not. I wouldn't expect to be included if I no longer contributed, I just worry how it'd go down if I said I didn't want to play any more as everyone knows I've always been a bit disgruntled about the whole birthday thing as it is. I could save the £50 I'd be putting into other people's presents and get myself something that I'd actually like! ?

edited as I can't count

One team I worked in we had the secret santa thing and you had to spend £20 on 'your person'. I was quite excited about this and got my person something gorgeous that she would love. My person got me some shitty shampoo and conditioner still in the carrier bag and everyone looked a bit horrified ?

Most places I've worked, and there have been quite a few, you just bring cakes in. I'd say this is fairly normal. A card goes round for people to sign for you but no money is exchanged.

I might be inclined to leave it if I were you, giving as you'll be off on mat leave and won't have to donate, unless they bill you for it while you're off ?

Ive never actualy counted up how much it is i spend in a year but i figure that you get it back on your birthday plus a little extra, i loved having that amount of money to spend on my birthday. it also never feels like im giving my hard earned cash to a stranger as we are a close knit office and all get on really well.

that's one of the problems though - it's a bit unfair atm ie ref my OP, someone who's not been there most of the year and so contributed fuck all to anyone else's gets more than everyone else! Sour grapes, me? You betcha ?

I've always thought it distinctly odd to mark birthdays at work. Birthdays are for celebrating with friends and family, not random colleagues, if indeed you celebrate them at all. I don't mind contributing towards leaving gifts and wedding gifts as they tend to be one-offs. We also collected recently for a colleague who's on long-term sick and again, that seems reasonable to me.

Having said that, in our office we bring in cakes (which again I find strange) on our birthdays and I do comply because, well, I like cake. ?

We had the same thing in our office, usd to be a fiver, then got reduced to 2 quid, now literally we all contribute 1.50 a year each and if you contribute you get a birthday card from the team.

If there are weddings/babies/special birthday etc we always do a collection which is fine for everyone.

Hardly anyone brings in cakes anymore, but that's because the same old people brought them in and the people not buying them literally would scoff all of them.

I don;t think it is unfair of you, we tried the private envelope thing at one point, but people moaned cos someone kept putting in coppers. It got so petty they settled on the card thing. I personally have friends at work and I get personal cards from them and we go out to lunch. Quite like the lunch it is always Pizza Hut

This post made me quite cross as I really feel for you and it's such an awkward situation. At my work we don't get anything, not even a card, and buy our own cakes if we want to.

Imposing a £5 per person per birthday rule it high IMO but I believe all work contributions should be anonymous i.e. leaving collections in an envelope etc. I actually wouldn't want to receive a birthday gift from my work colleagues.

Maybe you could use the credit crunch as a suggestion for cutting back but maybe you should bring it up with the person who created the new £5 rule. It's probably harder on you as PT but it wouldn't really work if you paid a % less as it then wouldn't be fair on your birthday!

In our office (a small-ish section, 9 people, of a big global company) we can take £30-40 out of petty cash to buy a present at birthdays. We also get cake and beers. (The company also gave you your birthday off on top of your annual leave so they're quite big on birthdays!)

For weddings or babies though we all chip in, usually £15-20 each. Mind you, we go to each others weddings and see the babies quite a bit. I don't 'get' the idea that celebrating birthdays at work is silly or pointless. If you're in an office with people from 9-5pm every day then you'll most likely see more of them than anyone else in your life (sleeping in the same bed as someone doesn't really count as 'seeing' them, does it?!)
So surely it's nothing less than normal or good to celebrate the good times with these people?

I know everyone's situation is different but with £50 a year working out at a pound a week for a bit of fun, some cake and the 'niceness' of work not just being work for one day, then i really wouldn't grudge it.