Adult guests pay for their meal??

From what I have read on this post so far - you have asked for opinions on your idea of asking your guests to pay for their own meal. You have had many responses from people not only offering you their opinion but, offering you ideas. You haven't really been forthcoming in enthusiasm for those ideas. I also note that you don't like the way that some of the posts have been written, you say that people have been blunt. Would you rather get lots of generic 'yeh it's great' or 'wonderful idea, go for it'? and be no further on with a clear head to help you make a decision? Or would you rather have lots of straight opinions from people who are trying to help you make the right decision for you, your H2B and your wedding? The guys and gals on hitched are brilliant for clear, concise opinion as well as ideas - that is exactly what you have been given. It is what makes this forum stand out from the rest, you ask a question, you get a precise answer, not a load of waffle that does not help you. Written word can be interpreted in a number of ways, unfortunately you see to have mistaken honesty for 'bluntness.'

Then if your heart is set on the venue and you are allowed to sort out your own food (this is a very rare opportunity for somewhere with their own catering!) take the bull by the horns and get everyone working on creating your own BBQ and buffet. I bet the food with be 10x better than the cheapest buffet option. Plus that way you don't need to ask anyone to pay anything.

I think it's quite easy, you really only have 2 options:

1) If you really can't cover the costs of the food yourselves then you use the 'we will be going to so-and-so restaurant after the ceremony and you are more than welcome to join us if you wish' line as previously suggested.

2) If you insist of having the meal/buffet at your venue then you really need to cough up and foot the bill.

Wouldn't you rather that people were straight with you on here which then enables you to make an informed decision? Chances are, if the majority of people here think it's rude then your guests would have thought so too.

I AM hiring a social club for my reception and I WILL be standing making sandwiches etc on my wedding day, i haven't got a big budget so this is the best option for me, i'd rather make sandwiches than ask people to pay for their food.......... not everyone who doesn't agree with you charging is having a big posh hotel !!!

I would most certainly not ask any invited guest to pay for their own meal. I would cut back on my wedding dress, my h2b's suit, anywhere else I possibly could before I would ever let this be the case. If you are putting money away each week, why not spend a little of this money each week this money on buffet type food you can freeze, by the time your day comes around you would probably have the basics for a decent buffet. I'm sure friends and family would rally round the night before to cook and set up?

Getting friends and family to help with the buffet would definately work. Someone I work with had tea and cakes after their church ceremony and put a card in with the invites asking if everyone would bring a cake along and to state what they would be bringing, most people did and it was fab!

You can do it on the cheap, hang in there and we'll sort you out, what area are you in? I know a very cheap caterer in staffordshire/cheshire

I agree with OB, you could get a load of people to make up sandwiches etc and put together a buffet. That wouldn't be too costly and I'm sure your family would be willing to help.

Also, I know you said your not one of these 'lucky' people who are going to have a big wedding, but my OH and I have worked our bums off to pay for our wedding; it hasn't just been handed to us on a plate and I know that's the same for a lot of other hitchers. I understand everyone's budgets are different but I think if I was invited to a wedding and was asked to pay for myself then I wouldn't be too impressed.

When is your wedding Gemmam86? as your ticker said 23rd March but then disappeared. How long have you got to make a decision?

Can I just add that if you word it "guests are welcome to join us for a meal at said restaurant" I still wouldn't assume I had to pay so is there any way of guiding them on the average price of a meal so they know they will be paying?

I would never have asked my wedding guests to have paid for their meal! They were guests and I loved treating them.

I definitely think homemade is the way forward, the food would be so much nicer if your friends and family made it, you could maybe even have a silly competition for the best savoury/sweet dish. It also means your choices are endless, you can have the food you love etc. If Aunt Mable's vegetable quiche is one of your favourite meals then why not have it at your wedding?!

Well in that case, I would consider the good advice given on here and rally friends and family together to make a nice buffet between you all or tea and cakes after a later ceremony.

I attended a wedding that did tea and cakes followed by disco and curry by the local Indian takeaway served to guests, it was delicious, relaxed evening and didn't cost a fortune.

Haha, this was my wedding except the Indian food was by caterers. And it did cost a small fortune☹️ LOL!

My goodness that was a long read!

My thoughts are that i wouldn't dream of doing it. H and I saved long and hard to pay for our wedding, so i was a bit unhappy at your term of 'lucky' ones, because we were far from that.

Anyway to be more constructive. You have over a year to go, so you have plenty of time. Talk to friends and family see what they think of the idea! I definately think other Hitchers are onto something with getting friends and family involved and everyone bringing some food along! Rather than asking for people to pay for their meals, asking them to bring something along would, to me anyway, seem a little more acceptable.

P.S - your post's would be easier to read if you used some punctuation! I struggled to understand some of the points you were trying to make.

I have skimmed though many of the posts so apoligies if repeating someone else's post.

I have just met someone who is doing a shared table for their wedding. Everyone brings a bit of food for the table. Now its strange becasue i don't find this weird but asking someone to pay for their meal i do.. but whats the difference??? Well to me it depends on the venue. If the venue suits the small budget then i wouldn't mind but if its a bloody big posh place not sure i'd be so happy.

If peps are aware of the situtaion before you book then they can have the choice not to come.r

I wouldn't expect my guests to pay for their own food....it's our decision to get married and have the type of ceremony/reception we're having and then to go and ask for others to pay for our choice seems just wrong....maybe hire a village hall or look into having a buffet provided somewhere instead of a full meal....just my opinion mind

Of course we arn't the same person. I am getting married this year in Malta, we wanted a small wedding so if people want to come they are welcome but they know we can't afford to pay for them. The wedding party has gone from 10 people to almost 40. At £50 per head that is alot more than we budgeted for.

Can't you do a 'cheese cake' from m&s (£150) plus sum baskets of french stick chopped up (£10 worth?) then a few big salads (again around £10) and a couple of platters of sandwiches? (£30) i reckon that would feed your numbers for around £200 all cold food so you wouldn't have to keep warm just put out!

i don't think you can ask people to pay up front...i agree the only way you can do this is if you are having your reception at a pub/restaurant and people can pick and pay for what they want so i would either do this or the homemade buffet option as above!

Good Luck! x

We're also getting married abroad. We are on a tight budget and had originally wanted to invite about 17 guests and pay for a nice meal in a restauant as the WB. My aunties were very disappointed and are so keen to come that they have offered to not only pay to go abroad for a wedding but to pay for their own meal. Well there is absolutely no way I could ever let my guests pay for their own meal when they have already paid so much and come so far to celebrate my marriage so we have decided to have an informal, rustic Italian feast at our villa instead of a swish restaurant, that way we can still cover the whole cost of the WB.

To the OP I think asking people to bring something for a cold buffet is a good compromise, far better than asking people to buy their own WB!

If you're set on having hot food, how about asking your family and friends if they have slow cookers you can borrow for the day, then make stew or chilli, serve with french bread, it will cook away while your getting married and will be nice and hot

I have been to a wedding where we have had to pay for the meal, this was for family so didn't mind but was a little shocked

I think you have to do what you and oh think is right, it's your day after all, but speak to your family, i'm sure you will find that people will rally round and will be pleased to help

Like i said earlier i'm doing a cold buffet for my reception, i will be doing sandwiches etc on the day with the help of mom, sisters, friends...we'll also be decorating the room ourselves, so i've gone for a 4 o clock wedding (more time and only need to feed people once) ......when i go shoping every week i buy stamps from morrisons so when the time comes a lot of my food will already be paid for and i dont miss the money a bit at a time, could you do this??

Exactly this! Me and my OH have saved up over 18 months to pay for our wedding and so we're having a relatively large wedding however when my parents got married they didn't have much money so they rallied their friends around and they got married in their local church and had their reception in the village hall, they spent the few days before decorating it themselves and everyone helped making sandwiches, cakes etc.

It doesn't matter what your budget is, you can still have a lovely wedding. I love the idea of borrowing slow cookers to keep things warm as things can be made the day before and warmed up during the ceremony until ready to eat.

Or option 3 ask people to bring something to contribute to the buffet, you are lucky this is an option at your venue most wouldnt allow it and make a BM or Ushers responsible for getting food to the correct place so you dont have to worry!

I would word it on your invitations that you would love people to join you and instead of a wedding gift would ask them to bring something to contribute to the buffet!

I do agree with the majority I would find it rude to be asked to pay for my meal!

I'd pospone or elope before I did it, but *if* I had to I would ask and request there to be no presents in lieu of them paying for their own meals.

Aaah I'm obv very late to this party!

Some of the ideas thrown round on here are brilliant, BUT do you have to have any kind of party?! I know a friend of a friend who got married late on in the afternoon, everyone went to a pub and they cornered off a big part of the garden for them and they spent the afternoon drinking/snacking and it cost them next to nothing!

Hey! Recently i have had a very good experience with Florida Beach weddings . They offer free meal for the kids and old guests. There ambience is super great. I am sharing my personal experience.

They will have photography included in their package also