Advice please! i don't want real life Bride Wars!

Your friend needs to grow up. If she's old enough to be planning a wedding, she is too old to be acting like a spoiled brat.

And I highly doubt that 'everyone' thinks your behaviour was awful - you are only hearing what she says they said based on her side of the story,

But your friend told you it weren't a problem and to wear your ring at the time? And now all of a sudden she's upset? Make that make sense!

You've apologised - not that you necessarily had to - and now I think you're friend should get over it. Give them a bit of time and let them chill. Hopefully they value your friendship more than a minor grievance.

Hope all works out for you.

Romantic said it how old is this woman just ignore the negative people and enjoy your planning I would even leave contacting her again for her to have everyone turn on you when you should be happy is wrong you didn't do anythin so she needs to sort her head out not you x❤️

Thanks so much all, it helps to know I’m not being insane. I’m going to leave it and if she gets in touch then we can go from there. I need to stop feeling bad too and get my head around starting to plan and actually enjoy it!

She needs to grow up lol. One of my good friends and nieces are all getting married next year and we will help each other no matter what time we all got engaged. Maybe keep anything else to yourself if she cannot be happy for you.

Could it be that maybe she is upset about your wedding being before hers and hasn’t mentioned this to you? Maybe she feels upset about that rather than what actually happened? Just a thought?


I wish you and your finance the best day when you get there and I hope you have the best time planning x

View quoted message Yes she told me she was upset I didn’t speak to her about my date being a month before hers, but I made sure it wasn’t on her date. I didn’t realise I’d need to check that it was ok to get married before her. We’ve both been with our partners for over 10 years and I don’t see it as a competition or a race but she’s said she feels like it is.

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You are not responsible for other people's behaviours, only your own. If she chooses to view getting married as some kind of race or competition, that is her problem, not yours. A month between weddings means that even if there are overlapping guests, they should be able to come to both weddings. And that's the only reason for not getting married too close together.

In your place, I would probably distance myself a little from this 'friend' right now. If she has truly been a good mate in the past, then hopefully she will go back to being one once she has got over her bridezilla moment. But to be honest, from where I'm standing, she sounds really obnoxious and immature.

View quoted message Thankyou that has put my mind at ease. I knew bridezilla people existed but didn’t expect it from one of my best friends so have just been completely thrown. There’s only one person who would be going to both weddings so I didn’t think it was a problem. They’re both in England. I need to stop being so hard on myself and take some time out.

I'm sure I'll get some hate for this ... I got engaged in April just gone, and my H2Bs best man announced 6 weeks after my engagement he is going to get married to his SO who is also one of my bridesmaids - they told us over text. At first, I was upset, especially as they've both said they would never get married and she changed her name to his already 10 years ago. I never expressed how it upset me at the time (probably all for 10 minutes to be honest) I was never bitter or angry, but I was enjoying the moment of being engaged, she did apologise if it made me feel like she stole my spotlight, but I congratulated them. When we started talking wedding ideas, I realised how different our weddings are, it made me feel better about it. I'm not a bridezilla, I just wanted my moment, but I realized she is entitled to her moment too.

You can't stop living your life. And I think it's very sweet that you wanted to wait to tell her in person. It would make sense if you wanted to distance yourself for a bit from her especially with how she is acting, you are allowed to enjoy your engagement and your wedding. Get engaged when you want, get married when you want, it's your day. It is immature of her to drag it out as long as she is and to turn family against you. Don't beat yourself up about it, you have no reason to, you did what you thought was best, that's all anyone can ask. Congratulations on the engagement

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When I was in my 20s, it was common to be going to a wedding a month in the summer, so I really don't think it will be an issue for your one friend who is invited to both. The only weddings I missed were two which were on exactly the same days as other weddings I'd already committed to attending. So you'll probably find that a number of your guests will be going to other weddings within a few weeks of yours - it's just that you don't know about that because you don't know the other bride!

@Melanie, I think the difference between you and OPs 'friend' is that you only felt upset for a few minutes and you didn't let it affect how you behaved to your friend. You can't help feeling upset that the 'spotlight' moves off you (although in reality, no one else really thought the spotlight was still on you 6 weeks after engagement - our engagements and weddings are not nearly as important to other people as they are to us!!!) but you can help what you do with those feelings.

I suspect part of the problem is the plethora of Youtube videos and tv programmes which portray the engaged girl surrounded by a group of adoring friends who are happy to spend the months leading up to the wedding celebrating her in multiple events. It can easily lead to false expectations of how our engagements and weddings will be treated in real life. The reality is a little more prosaic for most of us!

If it helps, I've also experienced a friend unexpectedly turn on me about something related to my wedding when I was only trying to communicate and be accommodating. It totally threw me, and her reaction was so extreme that I wondered how I could have done things differently, but you can't control other people's reactions or turn back time, you deserve to be treated well, so please try and put it aside and focus on the excitement and joy of planning your wedding. I am a sensitive person as it sounds like you are too, so I hope this gives you some validation and encouragement x

Thankyou so much all, honestly this does really help as I don't like to look like I'm 'complaining' about it to all my friends about it in case I'm getting a biased view too. Time will help for both of us. I think she'll really realise how mad it is when we get a bit older and everyone will be going to 7 weddings a year!

Maybe she is happy for you but soon as you told her at her party it felt that you took the spotlight off her. Especially as you had been engaged for a while but waited till her engagement party to tell her! Then your getting married a month before her so maybe she just feels like she isn't very special anymore. Sounds a bit childish, but sometimes people feel like this.

View quoted message Yes I know that’s why she was upset as she explained all of that and I felt really bad for it as I’ve said. I told her in private and said I’d keep it a secret so I didn’t take the spotlight off her. I waited to tell her at her party because we live 3 hours apart and it was the only time I was seeing her over 5 months and wanted to tell her in person. I can only see now that was a mistake and should have just messaged.
I think getting married a month after someone or before has nothing to do with each other, it’s to do with when you want to marry your partner and what you can afford. All really bizarre.

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Hopefully she manages to get over it. I'd personally love a friend to be getting married around the same time as me to have someone to do things with. I have a friend who is engaged but refuses to talk about her wedding till after mine, I'm not sure why. Weddings make people act weird!

View quoted message I agree, I didn’t realise til I got engaged how weddings have kind of turned people around. I should just called it a big party.

Thank you so much to everyone; it's comforting to know I'm not crazy. I'm going to leave it and we can continue if she contacts me . I must get over my bad feelings so that I can begin to plan and actually enjoy it.

She’s probably upset because you waited to tell her at her engagement party. I understand that you wanted to tell her in person, but as it was her engagement party, I’d probably have given her a ring and told her before.
Some people are very funny about people “stealing their thunder” and being the only person to get any attention.
I’d imagine that she probably told you “not to be silly” and to wear your ring as she felt like that’s what she had to say at the time. Upon reflection, she’s probably thought about it a bit too much and told her friends and family that you chose to tell her at her party etc etc.
I’m sure she’ll calm down and get in touch soon. If not, then she wasn’t a good friend in the first place x

The date of your wedding or your engagement is of no concern to your friend. She should be happy for you just like you are happy for her.

I had a similar but not identical situation. I got engaged a few days before my sister’s wedding dress buying day… My fiancé proposed then because it was our 5 year anniversary, and he’d planned for it to be that day for over a year. My sister had got engaged a couple of months before and I was her MOH - I did tell her straight away and she seemed happy for me, but the issue was her wedding dress day was the first time I was seeing all my other family since getting engaged.

I was very very conscous of not overshadowing her day, and said this to my Mum who agreed, but unfortunately the others there made a big fuss of me as soon as I arrived. When we got to the dress place one relative even said, “Ooh you can look for yours while we’re here too!” I did say that no, it was my sister’s day, but of course questions and comments continued throughout the day. She said she didn’t mind, she was happy for me, but I know her and I knew it would be upsetting her and every time the focus came on to me I tried to deflect it back to her.

That evening, after a few celebratory drinks, we had a huge argument. She accused me of stealing her thunder, I accused her of intentionally stopping me from celebrating with my own family because of jealousy (I was really in the wrong there but I was upset because I had tried SO hard).

When the dust had settled we talked it through openly and honestly. I apologised for not trying harder to keep the focus on her, and she acknowledged that it wasn’t my fault that the others kept bringing it up.

We then navigated the planning process pretty well - she is my MOH and I was hers. I made sure I threw as much effort into her wedding as I could, and made a point of asking her advice whenever possible.

I think the emotions around weddings can be heightened, and that’s ok as long as we recognise and tackle it openly. One regret I do have is that I was so concerned about overshadowing my sister’s day that I never had a proper celebration of my engagement with my family. I spoke to my sister about it and she planned a very cute “handing over to the next bride” celebration dinner for me with our family a week after her wedding. It honestly meant the world to me.

I think being sisters meant we had no choice, we had to figure out how to manage the situation. Our weddings are/were completely different which really helped. Open and honest communication on both sides is so important.

View quoted message Thankyou so much for sharing Sarah, those events and emotions are exactly what I felt/am going through. You can’t help any chain of events and I think some brides know they can’t have the whole ‘year’ with 100% attention as lots of their friends get married in one year, but it’s difficult for others that are the only ones or one of a few. It’s so hard, especially if they start to compare and show jealously which I’ve found the hardest to brush off. You don’t want your whole planning process to be trying to make sure everyone else is happy just because you feel bad that you’re engaged. It’s taken me a few months to try not to feel guilty each time I’m looking up wedding things which is ridiculous? Being engaged has been a HUGE eye opener for me and has opened up worm holes I didn’t think existed. I just thought it was about me and my partner…!

I don't want the entire year of preparing to be off-limits to us, but it seems that way, and I hate knowing that her boyfriend and the rest of the world suddenly view me as the worst person ever. She was supposed to be one of my bridesmaids, but now that our wedding is a month away, I don't think she wants anything to do with mine .

Sounds to Me like she needs to grow up and is abit jealous! It’s tough really.
I had a miscarriage and my friends took me out we all went out to tea and our friends decided to announce to the table that they were expecting a baby other people were annoyed I was abit deflated but it’s tough sh** life goes on every body has their moment and it’s the way it is, it sounds to me like she just wants it to be all about her and you will be taking the lime light away from her and her day. Like all you and your friends should do is talk about her, we’ll it doesn’t work like that and if that’s how she wants to behave then you’ve had a lucky escape if you ask me!
If she can’t be happy for you and take this opportunity as a great one able to share ideas, go shopping together and wedding open days then she’s selfish! Go enjoy YOUR day with the ones who champion you 💍🤎