AIBU - Kids in gym changing area / showers...

good idea ?

i don't think you're BU. yes, people have the right to take their children to the swimming baths, and obviously it's the weekend. but it's up to them to stop their children making personal remarks. and as for using the shower to clean your child's bum...that's just vile.

i think i'd be inclined to speak to the managers of the club about it.

I'm totally at a loss why someone wouldn't use the family facilities if they are provided. Are they very busy, or not as nice? Bizarre (I've two children BTW).

Inconsiderate peasants, the lot of them. Some people are really beyond belief.

That is grim! ?

I would definitely have a word with the management about it. In the mean time, can you use an end cubicle furthest from the drain so you're not caught 'in the flow' as it were?

I'm not sure whether you're being unreasonable. You haven't been rude and i think i too would be very put out if there were family changing rooms and people were still bringing their kids into the normal changing rooms and letting their toddlers do stuff like you're describing. I know its hard to stop toddlers doing stuff like that but i think its horrible for some women to just expect other women to put up with it because they can.

I love kids but i don't think anyone should be forced to deal with that when theyre trying to get showered. I'm also not sure how appropriate it is that boys of 9 or 10 are allowed into the changing rooms with women. I know mums don't want to leave them alone, but at the same time boys of that age become aware of bodies and some of the comments you described are very rude and off putting!

i don't really know what you could do to help the situation? its a bit of a rock and hard place situation. on one hand you don't want to come across as the snobby woman who thinks all children should be banned from 'adult' areas (not saying you are this person but i know some people who would interpret it as that, which i find very unfair) but at the same time you shouldnt have to put up with showering in someone else's kids crap.

eta: I agree with the others, have a word with management

Urgh, rude rude rude.

I'd make a complaint to the management, especially regarding the boys making unpleasant comments about their members and making them feel uncomfortable. As for the woman who let her children go to the loo in the shower, she'd have got more than a polite excuse me/inappropriate comment. Dirty bitch!

i agree. i imagine it would be hard to stop a child weeing if they're mid flow as it where, so i'd probably let that one go

but as for the poo...why didn't the lazy cow take him away to change his nappy elsewhere? i feel sick just thinking about it. ?

i think my swimming baths (council) has an age limit of eight for children to be in the opposite sex changing rooms iirc

Time to have a word with the duty manager I think.

I get equally annoyed at my family-friendly gym when children are let into the swim/change area outside of the hours advertised. There is an area in the women's changing room set aside for children so I tend to avoid that area and then get a bit miffed when I find mums coming into the "adults only" section. Thankfully our showers don't have joint drainage systems or I think I'd be showering at home! ?

Totally agree with you KTC. I think our local baths when i was younger had an age limit of about seven or eight. I remember when i was younger from the age of about seven or eight i had to go in the female changing rooms by myself when my dad took me and my sisters swimming.

Totally not unreasonable, especially as there are family changing facilities. I would certainly complain to the management, and I'm sure you're not the only one who will have done so.

A few years ago (when I was still going to the gym ?) H and I would go swimming on Sunday mornings as between 8am and 10.30am it was adults only in the pool. And of course, because it was a Sunday, the pool was usually quiet anyway and we felt happier that way. Then a mum started coming with her 3 kids (a baby and 2 boys under 5) came in at around 10am. Predictably, the boys were in the pool within minutes, and initally whilst annoying, I wasn't going to hold it against the mum as we'd been there swimming for an hour already. But as you can imagine, the mum had her hands full helping the baby so didn't really have much time to supervise the boys, so there was lots of splashing, screaming etc, all the kind of behaviour we were wanting to avoid. However on about the fourth week, they turn up at 9.30am...this I took real exception to and ended up complaining at reception on my way out.

so do i. i think it was in line with middle school age, where you were just getting to a more independant age.

i'd tentatively suggest that if these boys were of a age where they are allowed to hang around unsupervised making comments unchecked, then they are old enough to get changed by themselves too.

Thanks all - am suitably comforted and shall speak to the duty manager this week

My gym (Virgin Active) has an age limit of 8. I would be complaining to the gym about both issues and showering at home.

Have complained about boys in the female changing areas before - these lot were at least 10 and their nanny had taken them in to the ladies changing area. Hugely inappropriate given that there are cubicles and lockers for changing at the poolside.

Eeeewwww that is disgusting, who in their right mind would find their child has done a poo in his nappy and just whip it off in the shower? Yuck. As for the peeing, also totally out of order. I have three small children and if there were family facilities available I would definitely be using them.

The poo incident is just rank and disgusting beyond belief. vile vile vile manky parenting at its best. Can't blame the child if he was still nappied but to whip off a dirty nappy and shower off the contents in communal areas is wrong beyond belief. I'd be complaining about this. The wee incident is a little harder to get worked up over as if a just toilet trained child needs to go, they need to go now and it happens. however if it happened to me with my children I'd be so apologetic and feeling hugely embarassed.

As for the elder boys, I have a 10yo and no way would I let him change with me. Its not right, I don't feel all that comfortable with changing around boys of that age so wouldn't inflict him on anyone else. I doubt I'd even take him into the family changing, he's old enough to wash/dress himself and doesn't need supervision. A child with extra needs obviously could be a different case but these boys aren't if they are able to make stupid, gobby comments. Again i'd bring this to the attention of the management and ask if members with children could be encouraged to use the family changing and enquiring about the age limits on boys in womens changing .

Hell, you're paying money each month to use the facilities and you're currently not getting the right experience. It'd wind me up something awful and I have kids!

WSS, I have 2 children too. The fat lady and boobies comments would really put me off going. I think that a complaint to the management is more than justified.

It all sounds grim. At my gym the age limit for boys in the women's bit is 6 and that seems about right to me.

Does anyone remember a long thread a while ago in which people defended bringing their pubescent boys into the women's area on the grounds that they might otherwise be got by paedophiles in the men's? It was one of the oddest things I've seen on here.

I was just thinking about that Knownowt. People are strange. in response to the OP, that is grim (all incidents). I would definitely complain and ask if some guidelines could be posted about what age of children can be in the changing rooms and about not using showers as child toilets.

You are not being unreasonable, the shower incidents are grim and it's not appropriate for boys that age to be in the women's changing room - I wouldn't feel comfortable with children over 7 or 8, and if parents don't want to leave them on their own then they either need to bring a male friend to help them change or choose a pool with family cubicles. The pool need to post rules of use in the changing rooms and make efforts to enforce them.

? What Knownowt said. It's absolutely disgusting and I'd be screaming blue murder.

PMSL at HH though - "comments about their members" - surely that's only in the men's changing rooms?

That is so disgusting, especially the shower thing - I would definitely complain!

Can't understand why the mum would bring older boys into the ladies' changing room either, especially if she then allowed them to make such rude comments. Surely at 9 they have been changing on their own for school PE etc for 4 years or so, so are perfectly capable of going in the men's changing rooms and getting ready themselves.

We only have mixed changing rooms (and showers...) at our swimming pool, but it is a cheapy council one. So I think I'm hardened to this kind of stuff, although I do aim for the 'adults only' swimming sessions when possible.

Anyhoo - poo stuff is rank, rank rank. Indefensible.

As to the age of the kids - I guess this is one of those things that everyone will have their own 'limits' on, depending on age of child, level of maturity, if they are with a friend/sibling etc. Plenty of parents on here have said they would not let their child go to the park/corner shop/walk to school/play out unsupervised at 9, so you can understand their reluctance to let their kids out of their sight in a different changing room. Not saying I agree, just trying to see the other side.

Firstly the characters you describe sound awful. If either of my children made comments like that they would be in huge trouble, so I doubt that they would. It really is a simple case of manners.

On the issue of boys in the ladies - my baths have an 8 and over policy. My son is currently seven but looks about nine (he is very big for his age). I take him in the ladies with my daughter for diving but we have never had any funny looks. It may be because the session I am taking them to is predominatly kids diving and swimming lessons. I am probably being over protective and will be flamed to high hell but I am really worried about letting him go into the mens on his own. I wouldn't worry about my daughter in the ladies on her own.

When I used to belong to a gym I asked at reception if it would be more reasonable for us to all use the disabled change, which they agreed to and I was happier with.

I'm not out to flame you but I find this totally fascinating.

The concept of men as sexual predators really has pervaded the whole of society hasn't it.

Without being self defensive (which means I am about to be ?) I have worked for Social Services for many years and know the stats and facts. Women can be predatory Paedophiles. Most predatory behaviour is after a process of grooming and usually by someone the child knows etc yada yada. But there is a slim chance at a local baths and yes that slim chance worries me.

So are you planning to carry on taking him in when he's over the age limit?

I used to belong to a council pool/gym and tried to avoid swimming lesson changeover time as the ladies changing rooms were so full of kids - boys & girls - that it was impossible to find a space, let alone a cubicle to strip off in!

I'm now a member of a nice gym complex and understand that there are often kids in there after school when I use the changing rooms. Again there is a family area which is almost never in use! And yes sometimes I feel uncomfortable changing with small boys around. My real bug bear is that all Saturday & Sundays is family time in the pool so I never get to use it at the weekend as the pool's not that big!

On the shower issue I would have been hugely vocal and also reported it at reception - just disgusting and totally unacceptable. I only use the showers if I swim so not that often.

Absolutely not. I plan to worry about it. Ridiculous I know but it is how I feel.

I think that the way the Centerparcs changers are designed is excellent and eliminates this problem.

Our perception of risk is fascinating. In the extremely remote chance of any child being abused, it's very likely to be someone known to the child. Yet people assume that mens' changing rooms are full of perverts.

I am assuming your comment was prompted by Missus Jolly's comments on the previous page. I don't think that's what she was saying to be fair, she has knowledge of what can happen due to her job. She has said she knows the risk is tiny but that she still worries about it. I think most people are aware that there is a small risk of their child being abused in a changing room and therefore it is a thought present at the back of their minds.

Just like, when I take my 2 year old out, firmly strapped into his pushchair, I still worry about him escaping and getting hit by a car. This worry doesn't dominate my every thought while I'm out shopping, but I still take it into consideration because, however remote the chance that this might happen, there is still a chance.

Am I explaining myself? I'm not sure I am ?

I'm paranoid about letting Boy1 (nearly 10) in the gents changing rooms all by himself - not that I'm mostly concerned about sexual predators. He's a tactless wotsit with a poorly defined sense of other people's personal space (no joy in sorting that one so far). I'd live in a state of perpetual dread of being tannoyed about him doing something dreadful that no-one in his right mind would think of telling him not to do.