aita for planning wedding same year as sibling

Hi, I’m new too honestly this happened to me no my fh sleep not having big but told everyone our date ( next September) and then 1 week after my brother who is older then announced his getting married 1 weeks after us. I feel like the whole day is now going to be about them I.e,oh yours next week etc so I understand from both sides. Maybe ask him why it upset him and see if you can find something that your both happy with.

Do you mean summer next year? If are looking at getting married 2 months before them.
I don't think anyone can claim exclusive use of a year when it comes to weddings, I just think it's fair to avoid the same month of someone so close to you as I assume a lot of the guests will be attending both.Were they more upset that you were getting married before them even though you got engaged after? Or was it more the 2 month gap between the weddings? If it's the former then they can't call dibs on getting married first just because they got engaged first. If it's the latter then I can see them being concerned that people may be fed up of weddings by their big day but as your planning something so different I can't see that being an issue.

View quoted message Thank you Lauren and I’m so sorry you feel this way ! I do think a week apart is not really well planned affair.
I just thought as we’re keeping it secret from everyone but these 8 people and also literally just signing a paper without fuss it would mean it’s not a big deal a as we wanted to make sure we announce ours later on in the year to extend friends and family . It’s also a couple of months apart . We don’t particularly want a autumn wedding but have now decided to push it past theirs as we don’t care about attention (not that I’m implying they do) , just decided the relationship is more important than sticking to our thing . I partially understand the reaction but I’m also shocked as it’s in no way upstaging them and I feel like there’s a few comments that were not necessary (how odd that were getting married a year + after an engagement etc)

View quoted message I think the biggest fear here is us taking away from their big day / not upstaging as we are the firstborns - therefore they are happy if we do it after theirs . I love them both and I’m just having an absolute tornado in my head today. I do think that you have a DAY , not a week or a year but I’m also scared of damaging of our relationship if we stick to our guns. I’m sorry for my “ego check” but I just didn’t expect such reaction at all, especially after being perfectly reasonable IMO. But I do understand what emotions weddings can bring out of people also

View quoted message Also we were planning on only have 8 people attending civil and dinner , and not telling family till after their wedding. As low key as possible

View quoted message Hi completely understand your point, wedding planning is one of them things where people will get upset and other don’t you’ll never please anyone. We decided that for this l reason we don’t want them to come as majority of my family I don’t speak to on a regular basis. Just do what you feel right for two and no one else if it’s upsets them then that’s upto them

I know it’s a different type of wedding but I do completely understand where your brother is coming from.
Me and my FH got engaged last year after 5 years and are due to marry June 2024. My younger brother met his girlfriend last Christmas, engaged after 3 months and as I said I thought it was too soon and shared my concerns they have gone on to book their wedding for next year to get married before us. (And on FH 30th birthday on purpose!). Both me and FH felt very much so like it was to upstage us and make everything about them and their day. They were asking parents for money etc; as they actually can’t afford the wedding without this. Unfortunately there’s a hell of a lot more to the story but it’s safe to say our relationship with my younger brother is permanently damaged and it’s caused a huge divide in the family. It isn’t worth losing your brother over. Let them enjoy their special day and then you have yours. I’m sure you’ll both appreciate keeping your relationship and having each other present and both days will be perfect. I wish my younger brother was as understanding as you’ve been to your brother! ☺️

View quoted message Hi Cara, thank you for your message and I’m sorry your family member is being AH. Thinking about your points - we've been together for a long time so it’s not really like a last minute plan . We’re most concerned about the grandma (and also my age, I’m not going to lie. ) It would be extremely hurtful if she can’t be present.I thought we were extremely respectful with hiding it even from our friends and not making it a big wedding but I understand you can’t tell people they shouldn’t be hurt when they are, especially at the event that is famous for making people go a little bit crazy sometime thank you so much for your comment xxxx

View quoted message Also , if I may dare : I wonder if your future SIL is an absolute pr*ck or your brother has always been spiteful ? 3 months engagement and a party of your FH big birthday??? So distasteful and hurtful. Keep your head up and thanks god you have the class to not be terrible to him . Xx

View quoted message Completely understand, every situation is different! It sounds like although he’s upset he will be pretty reasonable, I hope it all works out for you ☺️


You’ve hit the nail on the head with SIL!!! xx

View quoted message
That sounds horrible to read, sorry your brother is being so spiteful. Hopefully you can ignore all their drama.


I'm getting married before my brother despite him being engaged for much longer but they are not planning their wedding yet so it's not a big deal.

View quoted message I want to like button this message so hard . I love girls supporting girls so much and I’m thankful for you all xxx

Familys can cause lots of problems i dont speak to mine or friends but not because of weddings being booked the same time just that they werent happy with our plans x💗 hope you can sort things out for you all x💗

Your 'baby' brother sounds like he is too much of a baby to be getting married. His complaint is ridiculous. I could understand if you were having an enormous destination-wedding extravaganze two months before, because he could legitimately be worried that guests would spend all their money on attending your wedding and not be able to afford to go to his. But complaining about you having a quiet, 10-guest ceremony two months before is extremely childish.

Have your wedding as planned. You never know what the future holds. How would you feel if you delayed your wedding until next year to pacify your brother's tantrums, and then your grandmother wasn't able to attend your own wedding because of a deterioration in her health?

View quoted message Hi Michelle ,


I’m so sorry to hear that! My FH doesn’t speak to his brother as he did him very dirty and I have no more family than this handful of people as I had to cut all this toxicity in “it’s because I care about you” clothing so I understand your point and admire your bravery. Have a fantastic life with your best friend aka , your husband 😘😘😘

View quoted message This comment is pure gold , thank you so much RGS. I literally started doubting myself and thinking “it’s ok, it’s never been a big deal for us so why start now” but I see red still. The thing is we can’t do it as we originally planned as the brother and sil either won’t come or will come but the mood would be sour , as they expressed how they feel. I’m tempted to just do it two of us and show to grandmas house the day after 😅

View quoted message

You can't control how other people behave - you can only control how you react to it!

Go ahead with the wedding plan that works for you. I hear what people are saying when they suggest backing down so as not to create bad feeling. But to be honest, with an attitude like that, I think your brother and SIL are going to create bad feeling at some point whatever you do. "Brother, I'm sorry that you and your fiancee feel this way, but we do not believe that our quiet 10-person wedding two months beforehand will detract in any way from your wedding. We hope you understand and would love you to join with us on the day." And if he still throws a hissy fit "We're sorry that you feel that way" End of conversation.

They'll either back down and start behaving like normal, sensible, grownup people or they'll keep up with the drama. If they pick the second option, know that they would have done this at some point anyway. Drama queens are always going to find something to be dramatic over. If it wasn't' your wedding, it would have been something else.

View quoted message I absolutely agree (you can’t please everyone) hence I decided to withdraw for a bit as I know W Day is known to bring the worst out of some people . I think the issue is , they are both really level headed and reasonable people , and have admitted that they know it’s a selfish behaviour from their side - but stick to their guns. My fiancé is suggesting that we don’t know if Grandma is going to make it to either wedding anyways so there’s no need of causing unnecessary arguments, since we were really relaxed about ours anyways . Idk , I really want to react like a grownup but I’m also like “fck it , I don’t want a wedding anymore” (stupid I know , I’m just tormented) if it’s already causing so much drama . I’m really overwhelmed and I want all our family to know but I’m also not pulling such low punch just to get what I want . I’ll keep you all updated on the outcome . Thank you so much for your support 😘😘😘

This would really annoy me as well tbh. I don’t know if that’s reasonable or not but I think you possibly could have gone for a month or two AFTER your brother’s wedding rather than before. They probably feel like a lot of the excitement that would have been directed towards their wedding is now going to be directed towards yours and that theirs is now “less special” because it’s the second one and people have already done the wedding thing that year.


I say again, this might not be a reasonable or grown up way to feel but I think you need to acknowledge that this may well be how they are feeling (I would be) and discuss it with your brother sensitively.

Just read that you have moved the date to after - I think that was the right call 😊

View quoted message I do think it’s childish as
1 you have a DAY , not a YEAR
2 we just have a dinner . No different than a bday party 3 it was being admitted that they act selfishly
But we’re trying to be a bigger person so all good . Everyone is entitled to their own opinion , thank you Alison

View quoted message Thankyou just remember to do what makes you both happy x💗