(Aita) Not inviting grandad to the wedding

You absolutly do not have to have anyone at your wedding you dont want, family or not. It is your day and you should be comfortable and surrounded by people who have been part of your life and journey, not people who you dont have a relationship with and may trigger bad memories or make you feel uncomfortable. My mum had a few opinions on our guest list but I pointed out it is just that, OUR guest list and we were not inviting people ( cousins) who we sont have any relationship with just becuase she feels we should. I explained to my mum how they made me feel and I didnt want negative behaviour on our wedding day and if she couldnt accept that and respect our wishes then maybe she doesnt attend. She got upset and so did I as I said how would you feel on the most important day of your life that you were sharing it with people you dont get on with or really know, did she want me to be stressing all day about others? She eventually understood, she still doesnt like it, but has accepted is our choice. As hard as it is you have to stand your ground, or there will be other occassions where she may try to change your decision. wishing you luck

You can invite who you like - don't be afraid to put your foot down. My mother was outraged that we didn't' invite one of her sisters, but we were adamant we weren't having anyone we hadn't both met at least once before our wedding. And my aunt turned down opportunities to meet my OH while we were dating and engaged but still expected a wedding invite.

The only thing to consider is whether the fallout from not inviting grandad might outweigh the annoyance of inviting him.

I would not advise sending him a save the date and deciding whether or not to invite him based on his response. People are not obliged to respond to save the dates (although it is polite to do so), but once you have sent one, it would be very rude not to follow it up with an invite. So sending one and then not inviting him would only create even more bad feeling.

1. Definitely NTA.

2. Your wedding, your list.

3. If you haven't spoken to or seen him in 10/15 years, you should not be obligated to ask him.

Just because someone is family, it doesn't automatically mean you have to invite them. I can see why it might be hard for your mum to see your point of view, but I hope you can help her understand why. As I said, it's your day. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or force you.