Skip to main content
ARE YOU A BUSINESS?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Arian
Beginner May 2023 West Yorkshire

(Aita) Not inviting grandad to the wedding

Arian, 4 April, 2022 at 22:57 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 0 6
Saved
Reply
Advice needed! I’ve been engaged for just over a year and for that time I have always been certain I don’t want to courtesy invite anyone; my family are quite small and let be honest I’ve been going it alone with no support of anyone but my partner for 7 years.


My mum recently got very angry with me when she asked if I was to invite her father to the wedding who I haven’t spoke to or seen for about 10/15 years. We never had a good relationship or any for that matter. He didn’t even know my partner existed until 3 months ago despite numerous mentions in Christmas cards from us over the years. Aside from that there are many reasons why I don’t want him in my life.
Aita for refusing to invite him? My mum believes I’m obligated to, I believe I am not obligated to seeing as I’m not receiving any money to pay for the wedding nobody else other than my partner has a say on who attends. If my parents were paying I could maybe see why they would want to have a say on attendees. However this is not something I’m willing to compromise on, how do I respectfully set my boundaries, as I’m sure this issue is going to get bigger before it passes.


6 replies

Latest activity by Ginger, 7 April, 2022 at 01:57
  • R
    Dedicated June 2023 Greater Manchester
    Rachel ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    Sounds like something similar to us we’ve invited a few people we didn’t want to there just to keep the peace with other family members. How about you send him a save the date and see how he responds? As then if he doesn’t respond and say anything then you’ll will get the feeling he won’t reply then you can go back to your mum saying I sent save the date, he didn’t respond and I’ve tried.. it’s your day nobody else’s and if he just expect to get invited he got to understand your matters of why he isn’t part of your special day ..
    or just tell your mum I’ve got to keep your numbers down and the most important people who made an effort in you and your h2b since day one are priority
    Always here if you need a chat 😊
    • Reply
  • T
    Rockstar May 2022 Oxfordshire
    Tamsin ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    If it’s going to cause a big fall out with your Mum that you don’t want maybe just invite him. You don’t have to actually downs time with him in the day. However, that’s based on the assumption that he hasn’t wronged you in some way (ie. he’s not abusive or anything).

    I haven’t invited my uncle, because he’s not a nice person, verging in emotionally and verbally abusive. No one in the family really likes him but everyone else puts up with him. I never have. So he was never on the guest list and I was lucky that my parents weren’t surprised (and we’re actually quite relieved) that he wasn’t invited.
    • Reply
  • C
    VIP April 2022 Wiltshire
    Charlotte ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    You absolutly do not have to have anyone at your wedding you dont want, family or not. It is your day and you should be comfortable and surrounded by people who have been part of your life and journey, not people who you dont have a relationship with and may trigger bad memories or make you feel uncomfortable. My mum had a few opinions on our guest list but I pointed out it is just that, OUR guest list and we were not inviting people ( cousins) who we sont have any relationship with just becuase she feels we should. I explained to my mum how they made me feel and I didnt want negative behaviour on our wedding day and if she couldnt accept that and respect our wishes then maybe she doesnt attend. She got upset and so did I as I said how would you feel on the most important day of your life that you were sharing it with people you dont get on with or really know, did she want me to be stressing all day about others? She eventually understood, she still doesnt like it, but has accepted is our choice. As hard as it is you have to stand your ground, or there will be other occassions where she may try to change your decision. wishing you luck

    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    This is wrong who is getting married you and partner you can invite who you want and if you havent spoken for so long then this is understandable put your foot down tell her NO X 💗
    • Reply
  • R
    Genius July 2020 Monmouthshire
    RomanticGreenStationery27135 ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    You can invite who you like - don't be afraid to put your foot down. My mother was outraged that we didn't' invite one of her sisters, but we were adamant we weren't having anyone we hadn't both met at least once before our wedding. And my aunt turned down opportunities to meet my OH while we were dating and engaged but still expected a wedding invite.

    The only thing to consider is whether the fallout from not inviting grandad might outweigh the annoyance of inviting him.

    I would not advise sending him a save the date and deciding whether or not to invite him based on his response. People are not obliged to respond to save the dates (although it is polite to do so), but once you have sent one, it would be very rude not to follow it up with an invite. So sending one and then not inviting him would only create even more bad feeling.

    • Reply
  • L
    Dedicated September 2023 Derbyshire
    Lizzie ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    1. Definitely NTA.

    2. Your wedding, your list.

    3. If you haven't spoken to or seen him in 10/15 years, you should not be obligated to ask him.

    Just because someone is family, it doesn't automatically mean you have to invite them. I can see why it might be hard for your mum to see your point of view, but I hope you can help her understand why. As I said, it's your day. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise or force you.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

Malta: Your Premier Destination For Your Wedding
Ceremony and Reception Malta: Your Premier Destination For Your Wedding Learn all about Malta, its rich history, its culture, and most importantly, its...
Wedding Pros Bringing Diwali & South Asian Weddings to Life
Planning Essentials Wedding Pros Bringing Diwali & South Asian Weddings to Life If you're planning a Diwali wedding, choosing suppliers who understand the...
Celebrate your wedding at an Apartment Group Venue for FREE 💍
Ceremony and Reception Celebrate your wedding at an Apartment Group Venue for FREE... Enter for your chance to win an unforgettable wedding with Apartment Group, with...
Read more articles

General groups

Show more

Hitched article topics