Skip to main content
ARE YOU A BUSINESS?

Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

A
Beginner October 2023 Cheshire

Am i being unfair not having my sister as a bridesmaid?

Anon, 18 April, 2022 at 17:36 Posted on Etiquette and Advice 1 27
Saved
Reply
Hi everyone! I’m in a bit of a pickle.. I’m getting married next year and I’m not close to my sister AT ALL. We live hours apart and whenever we are together (christmas for example), it’s tense and often awkward. We sometimes argue but even when we don’t argue, we are just very different people and have very different personalities. I feel like I’ve really tried over the years and it’s not often reciprocated. When she had her first daughter, I spent hours making her a beautiful scrapbook and also helped to organise her baby shower. When it came to my niece’s 1st Christmas, I literally spent hundreds of pounds on her and I felt it just wasn’t really appreciated. Lots of it was sentimental / personalised stuff too.


I’m definitely no angel and I can be quite feisty and opinionated so this distance is definitely not all down to her but I do feel she has let me down on a number of occasions as my big sister.
Given we have little-no relationship, I never really thought I would ever have as a bridesmaid but my mum is now in my ear saying how hurt my sister would be if I don’t ask her. Am I being unfair?! I just want my closest best friends around me in the lead up to and morning of the wedding. What probably doesn’t help is the fact I’m having 5 bridesmaids so maybe seems a bit mean I’m not also including my sister (as opposed to if I was just having 1-2 ).
As a compromise my partner and I have discussed asking her and her partner to be our witnesses. My mum has said she will now stay out of it and isn’t giving me too much grief but I can just tell it’s going to be awkward URGH.

27 replies

Latest activity by Lexie, 15 December, 2025 at 08:58
  • A
    Beginner August 2024 Nottinghamshire
    Amy ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    This is you and your partners big day. Do not allow anybody to tell you what you should do. I would absolutely stick to my guns. It isn't fair your mum has put that pressure on you and made you second guess your decision.
    You aren't close and don't have a close relationship so why would she even think that you would consider her to be a bridesmaid. You should do what makes you feel most happiest and most comfortable.

    Think about yourself and picture yourself on the morning of your wedding getting ready with your 5 bridesmaids... If you had your sister there, would her presence cause you stress? Would you be annoyed? If the answer is yes then absolutely do not have her as part of your bridesmaid party.
    Hope this helps and congratulations!
    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy August 2022 Greater Manchester
    Anna ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    From reading how your relationship is with your sister, it's quite possible that she isn't expecting anything and wouldn't be upset. It may just be that your mum would be upset rather than her? Could it be possible your mum is just worried how it would look to other people? (Not that I think it would look bad or anything)


    I agree with Amy, stick to what you want to do. It's your day, and if you concede on this you'll find that more opinions and asks will crop up and if you've said yes once before they'll expect you to keep saying yes to everything.
    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy June 2023 Essex
    Alison ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Difficult one. Dont always get on with my sister but I would dream of not having her as a bridesmaid. Blood is thicker than water as they say, even if it does sometimes feel like a less than hapoy family x

    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Thanks Amy - I’m going to try and stick to my guns!
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    My mum specifically said my sister was welling up when talking about it 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m so surprised she would be so hurt given we have no relationship!!
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    This is a good point .. my mum has said to try and think about the long term too. By not having her, I could potentially cut ties forever which isn’t nice to think x
    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy August 2022 Greater Manchester
    Anna ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    How strange.. I can't fathom how people can get upset over these things, especially if you don't have that kind of relationship.


    If you don't think it will cause any further headaches for you (like her kicking up a fuss during planning or being unhelpful) it may just be easier to ask her to keep the peace. Especially if you don't want to cut ties forever.
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Yes, exactly. I spoke at length with my partner last night and we are now swaying towards asking her to just keep the peace given she won’t actually cause any issue. It’s annoying I have to back down but the last thing I want on my day or in the lead up, is awkwardness with my mum or wider family. When I ask her, I may just make it clear that my friends have the hen do in hand etc and I’ll just be getting ready with my close friends on the morning of x
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    This is hard but remember who is getting married i think you both need to talk and tell her how you feel xx i dont talk to my family because of my plans i wouldnt want this to happen to you its not nice at all especially when all you want is to be happy x💗
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    So would you say it’s worth considering having her to keep relations good with my family? Xx
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    I would still not have her but still have a chat my situation is different from yours i wanted a small wedding and they werent happy but my sister is like yours its all about her you give but dont receive stick to what you want but explain how ypu feel xx💗
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    She might come round and see your point xx💗
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    My sister did ask me to be hers so i got the dress no she decides im not x its so hard when you dpnt want that fallout xx💗
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Gosh that’s awful to say you were one and then change her mind! X
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Thats my sister we was close when younger as she vot older she would always accuse me of flirting with her partners xx as for the kids would always give but not receive she has 3 grandkids now i havent bothered with gifts at all dont see the point x💗
    • Reply
  • Zoe
    Curious February 2023 Derbyshire
    Zoe ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    I’m not having my sister, never crossed my mind, and we are quite close!! She’s my sister, and doesn’t need to be a “bridesmaid” to feel included in my special day. I think having them as witnesses is a lovely idea, if that’s what you want.
    Also, if you feel you need to “smooth things over” what about a button holes for them and a little posey for your niece.
    Hope it all works out . Enjoy x
    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy August 2022 Greater Manchester
    Anna ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    I think if you have time, it may be worth seeing if you can schedule a meet with your sister before making a decision. Maybe say you want to see your niece and then just see how things go when you speak about the wedding generally with her?


    If she seems uninterested or seems like she may cause issues then it may be better not to ask her. If she seems receptive and interested in the wedding it may not be so bad to have her and could maybe even help you get closer?
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Yes Anna, I think that’s a really good idea! Thanks so much… tbf to my sister I’m travelling home this weekend and she has arranged lunch for me, her and mum on Friday so that will be nice x
    • Reply
  • A
    Savvy August 2022 Greater Manchester
    Anna ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    That sounds like the perfect time to gage how things are! Good Luck, hope you come to a happy conclusion! 😊
    • Reply
  • Km86
    Dedicated December 2022 North Yorkshire
    Km86 ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    I'm not having my sister as mine, I didn't have her as one at my first wedding either and we were on better terms then.


    We are having my partners sister as a witness to include her
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    Glad that you might be able to sprt things out when you meet xx 💗 let us know how it goes thinking of you xx
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Thanks Michelle. Xx
    • Reply
  • A
    Beginner October 2023 Cheshire
    Anon ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Thanks Anna xx
    • Reply
  • Michelle
    VIP July 2026 Cheshire
    Michelle ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    View quoted message
    Anytime hope it goes well x💗
    • Reply
  • A
    Expert July 2023 Cornwall
    Anonbride ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    Honestly, you shouldn't have anyone in your wedding party that you don't REALLY want to be there - doesn't matter if they are family, friends, whatever - choose only the people that mean the most to you and will give you the best experience Smiley heart

    • Reply
  • E
    Dedicated October 2022 East London
    Ebony ·
    • Report
    • Hide content
    I was in a similar situation, similar in that I didn't want to upset my half sisters by asking my best friend to be my MOH. However, blood is technically thicker than water but sharing DNA doesn't make people loyal or car about you more than people you actively choose to have in your life. I've been to countless birthday celebrations for my niece miles away from where I live and nothing I buy or do is appreciated and noting is ever reciprocated. I invited my sister to my 40th birthday dinner and she test me to tell me she wasn't coming, I didn't event get a card! Life is too damn short, if you don't want your sister as a bridesmade don't have her, she can reflect on why she wasn't chosen. Your bridesmades are meant to be there for you and if they haven't done it before I doubt they'll do it now. Xx
    • Reply
  • Lexie
    Rockstar December 2025 Jiangsu
    Lexie ·
    • Report
    • Hide content

    You’re not being unfair at all! Your wedding should be surrounded by people who make you feel comfortable. Since you and your sister aren’t close, skipping her as a bridesmaid is totally reasonable. Asking her and her partner to be witnesses is a perfect compromise—it includes her without forcing an awkward role. Don’t overthink the “meanness” label; prioritizing your peace is the right call, and the awkwardness will be way less than you fear.

    • Reply

You voted for . Add a comment 👇

×

Related articles

Bridesmaid Flowers: 35 Inspiring Ideas
Flowers Bridesmaid Flowers: 35 Inspiring Ideas Looking for the perfect bridesmaid flowers? Here’s everything you need to know...
50 Bridesmaid Group Chat Names, Introduction Ideas & Advice
Planning Essentials 50 Bridesmaid Group Chat Names, Introduction Ideas & Advice From cute and funny names to the essential dos and don’ts of posting, here’s...
Bridesmaid Costs: Who Pays for What When it Comes to Bridesmaids?
Planning Essentials Bridesmaid Costs: Who Pays for What When it Comes to... From bridesmaid dresses and accessories to hen parties and accommodation, when...
Read more articles

General groups

Show more

Hitched article topics