Advice needed

I have no advice about moving your wedding date but just wanted to say I'm sorry about your mum, cancer is a b@stard.

Not really sure what advice to give, but im sure it can be done, perhaps just a small registry office affair and a family meal or afternoon tea in a hall? im sure some of the things you have already booked will be available. What a horrible situation to be in, really feel for you and your mum, hope everything comes together. xx

Write a list, best thing is to write a list

Find a venue with a close date, then email all the existing people to see how many are willing to change dates. Then you can fill in the gaps.

this website has some venues http://www.akentishceremony.com/uk/Recently-Licensed-Venues

keep on checking back though as others will be much more helpful.

good luck xx

So sorry about your mum Rach ? I think bringing it forward and having a much more intimate wedding would be the best option.

(((((hugs))))

Now for the practical bit! We had to move our wedding, not for such a sad reason but I started with the two big things, church and reception venue, thinking that if TOG, or florist or something couldnt do the change there are more of them to choose from for an alternative. I would phone church/venue and see what dates nearer now they can do, and go with one of them, and try and arrange with everyone else after. If a supplier is unable to change perhaps you can appeal to their better nature with your situation for getting deposits/balance back. It may be that you might have to go for a mid-week wedding to get your church/venue sooner? good luck and keep us posted. xx

Oh god, I'm so sorry about your mum. That is really really awful.

With regards to venues, I'm afraid I can't help as I'm not down that way.

Have you thought about having it midweek though? I bet most of your current suppliers would be available for a midweek wedding? Worth a try.

I have no idea what to suggest, i just want to give you a great big hug. xxx

Hi Rach

So sorry to hear about your mum ☹️

Have you thought about a mid-week wedding? Would be more likely that all of your suppliers including your venue would be able to change date then - we cover quite a few Thursday weddings, so maybe get in touch with your venue and see what they could do?

Ali xx

My heart goes out to you - I lost my own dear Mum to cancer.

Wedding wise i have a friend who was suddenly put into this almost exact postion a few years ago. They managed to get married by special license in the registry office and just had immediate family present and went local for a nice meal together as they were not sure if his Mum would still be able to attend their wedding on the arranged date. So they had a lovely intimate family day.

Sadly his Mum passed only very shortly afterwards.

On the date they had originally planned to get married they had a church blessing and then had the full reception etc as always had been planned. Everyone was obviously very aware of the absence of his Mum but they still got their party time and celebrations with everyone and they say it helped them as a family who were still grieving.

Sorry - didn't mean to go on so long. Hope this is of some help to you. xx

Firstly, I'm very sorry to hear your bad news. I wish you all the luck in world and hope that your Mum gets to share your day.

I agree with Kharv. Looking for a midweek venue would be great for fast availablity and a lot of suppliers are less busy so can accomodate at short notice.

Thank you for all your lovely replies. I'm gonna have a proper chat with my Mum tomorrow as when she first found out she was saying that our wedding was something to aim for in terms of getting better so I don't want to upset her my implying that I don't think she is going to make it.

I was thinking of possibly keeping things as planned for December and then if she does respond to treatment and is able to be there then it will be a real celebration and have a blessing rather then actually getting married and having the reception after. We could then have a very small family wedding sooner to make sure she is there. The only thing is if she does pass away before I don't know how I would actually fell about our December one.

I have had a look on the kentish ceremony site as thats where we got our venue from but they all seem to be quite big. REgistry office might be the way forward I think.

Rachel xxx

Hi rachel, sorry to hear the news about your mum.

What i would do would ring the venue, caterers, all your suppliers or get OH or a friend to do it for you, explain the situation and see if they will accommodate a suitable date very soon because of the circumstances. If this is totally not possible then i would do it as soon as possible with only family and very best friends only.

My friends renewed there vows recently and they did this at our local registrar office with immediate family and best friends their only, about 20-30 in total. After the registrar we went to a local pub, in the private function room which was small but suitable we had a 3 course meal and it was absolutely lovely and very intimate. Very good day overall!!!!!

If you dont want a pub or are getting married in a church i would suggest a community centre or church would be best. Good luck with everything

pasq x

Firstly I am so sorry about your mum, it must be an awful thing to have to deal with.

I agree with everyone on here about advice. I don't know anything about changing what you've booked but I do know about planning. I am planning a Registry Office with 5 guests, small meal and a party at night. It's only taken a week and i'm pretty much done and you only need 4-6 weeks to give notice for a Registry Office, check with small hotels that may have marriage rooms available for small wedding and have a small lunch, then a party at night with everyone you would have invited anyway.

We're having a gap in the middle of the day to have some time for ourselves but your mum could have a rest so she'd be up to the night party? I really hope everything works itself out with your wedding and again I'm sorry about your mum.

Sarah x

Hi rach,

Im very sorry to hear about your mum and hope your mum and family get all the support you need.

Good luck with your wedding plans whatever you decided to do. X

I can't offer nay advice better than already given...

You simply put it to her than she's not going to feel well around that time and you'd rather do it when she can enjoy herself. No mention of prognosis or anything.

Does anyone know where I would stand for changing the date and place with the registrar as have already given notice and booked with them for a cival ceremony at our venue. Do you think ot will just be a case of paying a fee to them to make those changes?

Rachel

So sorry to hear this, Rach. I echo what FTLOMB says about how to broach it with your mum.

Best thing to do is pick up the phone (or get a friend to if you can't face it) and speak to the registra and your venue about changing the date. I suspect, at most, there'd be a small admin charge. Shout if we can do anything.

Hiya,

Really, really sorry to hear about your incredibly sad news.

The above is pretty much what I was going to suggest, except I was going to recommend a humanist ceremony at the wedding venue. This makes the whole day very similar to a normal civil ceremony at a venue.

Pete

Just wanted to say how awful this must be for you. Hope you manage to get things sorted out and have a gorgeous special day. Thoughts to you and your family.

I didn't want to read and run, I am so sorry about your mum. I fully understand wanting to move the wedding forward, and while I'm not in your area, I do think it would be doable.

Can you see if your venue and tog happen to free on any day between now and December? I'm sure they would help as much as is possible, and given the situation, family would understand the desire to move it. Go for a weekday wedding and you have far more chance of a date being available, and I'm sure friends and family would take a day off work.

So sorry to hear about your mam and big hugs!

Prob already been suggested but why don't you speak to suppliers you already have booked and see what availability they all have and that way it may be a case of just finding a more suitable date. If your wanting smaller and more intimate I would maybe try for a weekday wedding!

Hope you get everything sorted xx

Just wanted to add my own love/hugs/prayers for you and your Mum. What a horrible situation to have to face.

It's so hard to know how you'd feel about still have a celebration/blessing on the original December date. Once you've worked out how/what you're going to do in terms of maybe having the actual wedding sooner, then perhaps that will become clearer. Also when you know how much you might lose in terms of deposits, or how helpful the suppliers will be.

Everyone's experience is different, but for what it's worth, I certainly found the first six months the hardest, after I lost my Mum, and then it did really start getting better. Maybe it would be better to drop the Dec date, and think about a bigger event on say your first wedding anniversary?

Don't underestimate how drained and exhausted you may feel, if/when you are in the position where you are grieving for your mum (sorry to say this stuff). I don't think anyone had told me just how physically exhausting it is, dealing with your grief! So be realistic about how much you can take on, in terms of maybe still planning a big Dec event. And if and when the worst does happen, remember that you will survive, impossible though that seems at the moment, and it won't always feel as bad as it does in the first few months. I found it really helpful to hang on to that thought, and it's true. Good luck xxx

Thank you for all your really kind messages. It means a lot.

The hospital phoned today to say that she is going to have a PET? scan next week to show where it has spread to and following this (results can take up to 2 weeks) they will be able to give her more of a time frame. She's hopefully going to start chemo next week or the week after to give her more time so I think I'm going to wait until the results are back from that to decide exactly what we are going to do.

Thank you all again for all being so lovely

Rachel xxx

Hi RachTN25,

firstly so sorry to hear about your news - I work in a cancer clinic and unfortunately this happens too often.

you say your mum is starting chemo soon? I would perhaps ask either your mum or her consultant to see what they suggest in regards to bringing the wedding forward. some chemos can be quite full on whereas some are relatively easy. the consultant would know whether it would be best to bring it forward or leave it until after she finishes the chemo

if you do need to bring it forward - I agree with what most people have said, contact everyone you have already booked with, explain the situation and see if you can bring the date forward.

all the best xxxxxxxx

Hi

We had a very similar situation early this year when my boyfriend's mum was diagnosed with cancer. Sadly we didnt have time to move the wedding, although we talked about it- she was adamant we should go ahead as planned, and as it turned out became very unwell very quickly and passed away within 8 weeks. I really think that she knew how it was going to develop... very strange.. The medical staff were really good at being honest with us (as much as they could without having a crystal ball!) and this also helped us with making our decision. My heart goes out to you, it is such a sad and tough thing to cope with and there is no 'right' decision, just keep talking to everyone involved and you will find a way that is best for you all

xxx

Thank you,

I had a chat with her today about it and she has said that she doesn't want us to move it, firstly because it will give her something to aim for and secondly because she is hopefully starting the chemo the week after next and they have said that she is likely to feel very ill during it so she said that she may not feel well enough to come anyway.

Hopefully she should have her pet scan next week and the result a couple of weeks after that so should have more of an idea then. She wants me to get on with planning it all and keeping her involved which is going to be hard as its the last thing I want to do at the mo but it will take her mind off things too.

Thanks again for all your support xx

Keep coming back here for a chat, vent etc - whatever you need.

Be brave for her - loads of vibes coming your way for good news at the scan.

We're here when you need us.

So sorry to hear about your mum...lots of positive thoughts coming your way. I think it's a good idea to see what the PET scan shows and see how she gets on with chemo before you decide what to do. It must be so difficult, I'm sure the last thing you want to do is organise a wedding party but you never know, it may prove to be just the distraction your mum needs to get her thru this terrible time. Keep her involved so that whatever happens she will still be a big part of your day. Lots of hugs xx

So sorry to hear about your mum, moving the wedding may give her something to focus on. I would speak to everyone that you ahve already booked and explain what you are trying to do and why and hopefully they will help you. maybe go for a mid week date and hopefully everyone will be available. Good luck and take care

Like others, i have very little advice to offer but i just wanted to say I'm really sorry to hear your news. x

I'm very sorry to hear about your mum.

If you wanted it to be a very small and private family affair could you either do registry office ceremony and then just a nice meal in a restaurant or hotel or see if any littler hotels have availability?

If you do move it all maybe you could keep the original plans to have as a blessing/celebration? or would that be too painful?