Advice Needed - Babies at weddings

Is there a reason you're not having them?

If they're that young they're not going to be catered for so wont count as numbers, you can leave them in their prams outside the room if they're sleeping, have them on dads laps if they're awake whilst your MOH walks down the aisle with you. If you're worried about noise, sit them at the back of the room so who ever is with them at the time can take them out if they get noisy. They're not going to look ugly in wedding photos, you're going to be oogling over how cute they were. Plus, in say 5-10yrs time they're going to be going 'why auntie sarah.judd was I not in your wedding photos?' when they work out they were born before your wedding and you're going to have to say 'because we didnt want you at the wedding because you were a baby'.

I say it's not selfish, so long as its possible to get a babysitter. It's your decision.

And wow, they gang up on you the manipulate you into giving your sister what she wants. Really mature. If your sister had a problem with it, she should have damn well told you when you had the talk with her!!

My sister is my bridesmaid and she just found out she's pregnant and will have a 2 mo old at the wedding. She is fine with the baby being looked after by a child minder for the whole day, because she loves me and respects my decision to have no babies or children.

Until the babies are born, you have no idea how 'good' they are or not. Immediate family babies I think you can't necessarily stipulate they can't be there, they are your family after all. Unless Mum is not breast feeding, or has in- laws to look after the child, they will be tied to their mums. When I have taken my son to important things as a baby, I always made sure he was napping, or eating a snack or something. I made sure I could leave discretely if needed etc.

My BM will have a one year old by the time the wedding comes around, and he's going to be looked after by someone else. I want her to be able to relax, and no matter what anyone says, you can't do that if you're looking after a little one (understandably!).

The only child that might be at the wedding is OH's cousin's daughter, but they all live in Hong Kong so they can't exactly leave her there!

However, if there was a newborn baby, or exclusively breast fed baby, I think it's more difficult for them not to be there, and as much as we'd ideally not have them there, I wouldn't ask the mother not to bring them.

I wouldn't have left my 4m old all day. I was breastfeeding and there's no way I would have managed a full day without him, nor did I want to. Hormones can make you feel very unsettled if you're separated from your baby for a long time.

Plus for your sister, the only people she'd probably trust with the baby are going to be at the wedding so I can see why she's uncomfortable.

What's wrong with babies at weddings? I can understand kids but babies don't do much!

With the exception of my nieces and nephews to be who will be in the wedding party, we have a no child rule. Everyone has been fine about this although it does mean some friends are coming without their wives because they don't want to leave their childrent for the weekend. But they have not tried to change our mind and get us to agree that their children can come. i thnk they all realise that we are very tight on numbers and if we invited everyones kids that would be 20 fewer of our friends we could invite.

The only other exception is a friend who is due to give birth to her second child two weeks before the wedding. Obviously they would not leave a 2 week old and she will still be breast feeding, so we have said if she is willing to make the effort to drive 4 hours to our wedding with a 2 week old they are welcome to bring him or her. They will be leaving their 2 year old with a family member though.

Exactly this - I can't imagine asking someone still breastfeeding to leave their baby for the whole day. Kids running or stumbling around can be difficult and need entertaining. A baby will just sit/sleep(/cry!). It's one of those things that if you make the decision to ban them, be prepared for fall out. It really isn't possible to have cake and eat it (or so the saying goes; I bought cake and ate it yesterday )

I wouldn't come if I was your sister and couldn't bring my baby. I'm due in January and if all goes well I expect to still be breastfeeding 4 months later so couldn't leave it at that age. At four months babies are still exclusively on milk, and everyone I'd trust to look after the baby would surely be at the wedding.

It's your wedding so you have every right to say no babies, but equally she then has every right to put her baby's needs before yours.

You're inviting your second cousin but not your nieces/nephews? I can see why your sister and SIL are annoyed.

You're not making an exception for new Mums and (potentially) breast feeding babies? Double mistake.

As Saisi says - it's up to you. But I don't get the 'some babies but not YOUR babies' rule, especially to the exclusion of close family children in favour of more distant family. And EVERYBODY - surely? - knows that young and highly-dependent babies can be an exception to this rule?

I'm not a big fan of kids, but OH is so we had 14 children at our wedding, including 3 babies under 6 months - to be honest the only one who was noisy was one of the toddlers. The others were all really well behaved. One of the babies was my 11 day old neice. I was so pleased she was born in time for the wedding and I couldn't imagine in years to come saying to her 'you weren't at my wedding because I don't like babies'.

I think it is difficult to expect new mothers to leave their babies at home, and it is a bit harsh to say your neices/nephews can't come when your cousin's child is going. I think you'll have more problems with the behaviour of a toddler than a small baby, personally.

I think breast feeding needs to be consider seperatly, also if they have just found out their pregnant particularly with first children they don't know how they will feel and you may need to see how it goes.

However if you are allowing a 2 year old to come, I think new born sisters babies may need to be an exception as well - at least for part of the day. I would tell them you would rather no children, but lets see how it goes and you can talk about it when the babies are here.

It's definately your choice at the end of the day, so don't beat yourself up about what decision you make. It is your wedding after all.xxx

But, little diddly ones, can be easily removed if they kick off during the ceremony, and are usually sleeping anyway. ?

I'm the last of all my mates to get married (violin please!) and they all have children. (I don't...yet. My OH has two older girls as well) My sis has a baby that will be 8months & my OH's sis has one the same age. I want them all there, regardless of the carnage that may ensue. ?

In fact, thinking about it, out of 50 day guests, there's 12 children going! Age ranges from 8 months to 13yrs. All part of the fun I reckon. They've all known me all their lives, so they are all very special to me and I want them to be a part of me finally getting hitched. ?xxxx

We didn't have children at our wedding, however we did have a newborn as we wanted our friends to be there.

I think you're bring unfair allowing your cousins child but not your own sisters and sil's babies. When it comes to it, they may not want to leave them, who will look after them? All their relatives will be at your wedding, have you thought of this? What if they are breastfeeding? Babies that young don't need a place at the table. The baby who will be six months may need a highchair, they can bring their own food.

We left our four month old with my parents for the day when we went to a wedding. It was the first time we left him but we could have taken him with us if we wanted. It was a wrench leaving him, I nearly cried in the church if I'm honest. You can't assume your sister and SIL will want to leave them I'm afraid. Children I can understand, but babies it's a bit harder.

From personal experience of being a mother my daughter would not have anything but breast milk till she was 6 months old and I tried every different brand out there. I also could never express enough to keep her going all day so just bare this in mind when laying down the law, babies r not always straight forward and you may want to wait till she has had it before make any final decisions.

I had a total of 4 children at my wedding. My cousin's two boys (4 & 2), my nephew (3) and my neice (1) and they were angels. Neice slept in the pram through most of the meal and the disco and the boys were very sociable and very well behaved because they had each other and plenty to keep them amused (we made them all goodie bags).

I don't really see why you wouldn't want to have your neice/nephews at your wedding? I can understand kids that aren't related to you.

As a guest, they might seem disruptive, but I don't think I'd've noticed anything short of the world ending during the ceremony - I am usually ridiculously sensitive to child noise, and really hate it (hide with headphones on train sort of thing) and we had 3 babies and more kids at our wedding (largely because most were family and family will find it hard to organise a babysitter as the obvious ones will also be at the wedding!)

I didn't notice any disruption during the ceremony - I have no idea if they cried/chattered- I was in my own world with the vicar and my husband (+ readings) and with the music in the hymns - anything outside that wasn't important. The kids were running around during the reception, but it really didn't bother me once I'd realised the waiting staff were good at avoiding them.

I can totally see where you are coming from but also your sisters point of view as it will be awkward to leave a breastfed baby all day and also it can be hard to leave a young baby without worrying especially if all trusted family babysitters were unavailable.

I've accepted that babies will have to attend (luckily not many currently but some new ones may arrive by then!) but would hope that any screaming would result in them being taken outside (same with toddlers too).

If it was a strict no child rule it might be different but I don't think it's fair to have another child there and not a closer family member. You can't expect a breastfed baby to be left all day if they're not used to it. I'm currently breastfeeding (although a much younger baby) and am going to a wedding with my fiance and daughter on Saturday. If my daughter wasn't invited none of us would have gone even though my fiance was asked to be best man!

Saying that, as this baby hasn't even been born yet, it's hard to know how she will feel in the future. I'm inviting people from my antenatal course to my wedding when the babies will be 7-8 months old and some of them are considering leaving them at home out of choice. It might be best to say you'd prefer no babies but of course you'd understand if she feels at the time she needs to bring the baby?

I think even if you want a strictly no-children wedding then you always have to make an exception for breast-feeding mothers and those with small babies.

We had 1 6 month old baby at our wedding as I barely noticed her. She was asleep half the time and her mum and dad were dancing away at 2.30am. I doubt they would have relaxed and had that much fun if they had to leave her at home!

We didn't want kids at out wedding and politely asked people to leave them home if possible, whilst making clear that small babies were obviously more than welcome. Otherwise we would have had 60 adults and 17 kids. As it turned out all of the kids got left at home, apart from our 3 year old nephew, the said baby, and another 2 year old whose parents had travelled over from the UK to Italy for the wedding.

Exactly this! Even if they do get a little upset, the parents usually take them out anyway and don't just let them cry.

It's amazing what a Bride doesn't care about on their wedding day because they are so happy and in love!

I think there is a huge difference between babes in arms and children, and I wouldnt ask a breast-feeding mother to leave their baby all day and night. Most new mothers only want to leave their babies with family at first and your fsil and sister's will be at your wedding, in my opinion I think it is unreasonable. Banning children I get, and if I certainly don't want a child orientated wedding myself, but babies are different. Your sister may decide at the time she is happy to leave the baby, but it has to be her choice, I would worry that if you force the issue she could end up feeling resentful towards you and feel she has to choose between her baby and her sister. That all said you know your sister, I don't and it is your wedding therefore your choice to make.

I don't think that your family are ganging up on you - more that they probably have a better idea of the potential difficulties of leaving a 4 month old than your sister currently has.

Also it's not at all necessarily the case that it is more relaxing to leave a baby at home - the logistical complications and anxieties involved are often far far worse and much more stressful than actually just having the child with you.

Whilst I can understand you not wanting babies at your wedding, I wouldn't attend a wedding - even my sister's - if I couldn't bring my 3 month old with me. I also think it's very dangerous territory allowing some babies and not others.

At our wedding we spoke to everyone who had a baby/small child in advance and requested that they sit on the end of the aisle and were removed if they fussed during the ceremony. I didn't care about any of the rest of the time. As it was we didn't have any issues at all, all the kids were very wel behaved.

Many thanks for all the advice, it really helped, me and my partner have decided to allow our sisters to bring the babies but will ask that their partners sit outside with them during the ceremony.

It's completely up to you (obviously), but it always puzzles me when people say "no children, oh, apart from these". It would make me feel that my children are disliked compared to others...

Oh, and I agree, I any kids kicking off and noisey in the ceremony should always be taken out!

I can only reiterate what others have said. Babies do not make much noise and I've never been to a wedding where anyone allowed their child to scream. Also, you simply won't notice. Is it necessary to be so authoritarian on the matter? Forcing people to sit outside sounds like you're creating a 'naughty space' before anyone's even caused any issue.

Agree with FTLOMB. and just to add that apparently during our ceremony my 3 year old niece screamed. my SIL took her outside and unfortunately missed the ceremony. I did not notice at all - I was very surprised when she said she had missed it. You will be in a world of your own and you can trust your family to take care of things if it gets bad.

We only have 2 small children in our family and I wouldn't have dreamt of asking them to leave them at home, or sit outside during the ceremony. My cousins 10 months old was poorly on the day and whinged a bit during the ceremony but we just laughed about it and it didn't interrupt the service at all. My 2 year old nephew kept shouting me during the service but again we laughed it off and carried on.

Granted I wouldn't have want hundreds of kids running around but 3 babies really will not affect your day. When I told my best friend I was pregnant she said she wasn't allowing children at her wedding, apart from her SIL's 3 children and made it obvious she was hinting that mine wouldn't be welcome. That really turned my nose up and I will approach the subject again with her closer to the time as I really do not find this fair.

It's your choice what you do at the end of the day but I'm not surprised that peoples noses were put out of joint.

My friend's 2 year old was as good as gold all day. The only noise he made during the ceremony (that I'm aware of) was when the vicar asked if there were any objections and he went "oooh." It was brilliant.

Also I would be a bit offended if I was made to stand outside during the ceremony because I'd like to think my friend or relative would know I had the common sense to take a baby out if they were being disruptive.

It's your wedding but I think if you make restrictions like this then you have to expect that some people might not come. I dont think I'd feel comfortable about going and especially if there is going to be a toddler at the wedding which just seems a bit odd that this is ok. I have two toddlers and trust me, they make more noise and disruption than a small baby ?

We said in our invites that we couldn't accommodate children at the wedding (it wasn't practical and those friends with children asked not to bring them anyway). One of my close friends had her beautiful baby girl only 2 months before the wedding, and was BF, so of course we were happy for her to bring her along. She was an absolute angel! We didn't hear a peep out of her all day!

I agree that you can't expect people to be happy with a rule against children attending if you're going to make some exceptions and not others.

From experience I couldn't think of anything worse than having a baby at the wedding. Crying and other disturbances, not only a nuisance for you but all the other guests as well. Imagine the wedding video. That's just my personal opinion.