Am I being unreasonable?

Very true.

I'm completely confused by this. I genuinely don't understand why you're upset Joanne, and I think speaking to your mother about what you want is a totally reasonable piece of advise. You're reaction is pretty bizarre. I hope you do manage to get it sorted, and it is easy to get wrapped up in things and get stressed but maybe take a step back and get a bit of prospective!

Slightly off topic, my house sale looks like it's fallen through and I'm gonna be homeless at the end of the month, but I'm pretty chilled (manic laughter)

?

OP it sounds to me like your mum has got a bit ahead of herself and over excited but at the end of the day she just seems to want you to have an amazing wedding and it sounds to me like the only thing that will solve this is by you talking to her! If she is willing to cough for your entire wedding she obviously cares very much for you and your happiness (please dont confues this wiith me thinking throwing money around equals love, just that she is under no obligation to do this) so I dont really see what your problem is, its not like she has said I will pay for our wedding but only if you have it here!!

This drama can easily be avoided by a good ole fashioned conversation!

I have no idea what's going on anymore, but I'd just like to add that not all 27 year olds seem to be having this problem! I'm also this age and am having the wedding that myself and my OH want. His parents are contributing more than mine (we are also contributing) but both sets wanted certain things which we didn't want and we have said no to after adult conversations. At one point it did get very heated with my family and we actually said that if they didn't want to contribute to the kind of wedding we wanted then that was fine and we would delay the wedding and save up or have a smaller one as to us, the most important thing was to get married and make that committment to one another. Neither of us are religious, but we both look upon our marriage as far more than a piece of paper despite it having no religious element. Tell your mum what you want and if she won't accept it and it's the marriage, not the wedding that means the most to you, then have the wedding in the church (paid for by your mum if necessary as you say she also wants it in the church) or wait a few years and save to do it your way. I know you say you have no funds, but that may just mean waiting for a few more years as I'm sure many people on this forum have done. You may not be able to have such a large wedding but you could save for a simple church service. I wouldn't care if I got married in jeans and a t-shirt so long as I knew that we had committed to spending our lives together and had publicly declared how we felt about each other.

As for this forum having a certain vibe and little decorum, maybe you should read some of the posts where people have been incredibly supportive to individuals over the past few months, never mind just the general advice that most of us gratefully receive on a regular basis.

I love that even AJ is in agreement with everyone on this one

Can't add anymore to this thread that what's already been said. The OP asked for an opinion and when she got told something she didn't want to hear she flounced.

I just know that if I was struggling to pay bills, having a fancy wedding would NOT be my priority at all.

Good point. We set our budget, figured out what we could and couldn't afford, and that was the end of it. If we'd had more money we could have hired fancy cars (£500-£1000), invited everyone to the wedding breakfast (£3000), mood lighting and additional room decoration (£600), free bar (£?????) and an expensive honeymoon (????)- but we were adamant that what all of those would have added to our day was, in the grand scheme of things, negligible versus the additional costs involved.

We were happy with our day for less than half the cost of the "average" wedding but it was exactly what we wanted to have.

I dont think the OP is coming back to this thread...

Well having just wasted 5 minutes of my life reading a 7 page thread about basically just how the OP can't tell her Mum what she wants I'm pretty much at a loss as to what to advise. Most posters on this thread have simply advised you to have a sensible discussion with your mother about how you want your wedding to be. What else do you want?

WSS! I'm a mere baby of 25 and organising a perfectly mature, adult wedding! (That's been organised in my head since I was 20.....but that's another story!)

But, the OP has taken offence to things she didn't want to hear and is not coming back. So what does it matter?

Secret Santa minus one Hitcher.

We were due a flounce though Tricks

It has been a while.

I am sure there may be another conundrum tomorrow we can advise on as we are helpful like that ?

Me too! Here's what I think:

A money contribution whilst lovely and generous, doesn't automatically give the right to take over how you want your day to be

Talk to your Mum, how will she know otherwise?

Don't take your Mum's money and save up for the wedding yourself. We paid ours through installments and saving, our wedding was perfect for us.

I just don't understand why families don't talk to each other.

*sigh*

I always miss the good ones.

I read this thread to page 4 and then skimmed the rest!

To the original poster - speak to your mum! That is all..

Unreasonable, no.

Incomprehensible, never satisfied and coming over as a little dismissive, yes.

There are so many things I was thinking about saying after reading this thread at lunch time, but I'm glad I chose to sit on it for a while as having looked at your responses to others' attempts to help you, I can see there is nothing I can say which you will accept.

WSS.

Sorry but taking into account the sort of threads the op starts, the general grammar and way she articulates herself, this really reads like an elaborate troll.

I rarely come on WP anymore so didnt realise that the OP had previous form. Such a shame she flounced as its been ages since we've had a troll!

Hmmm, yes, I'm beginning to wonder. Especially after certain comments on a thread posted last week.