Anyone going through life-changing stuff

I haven't been around much this year but...

It's a year and 8 days since my exH called it a day and my life is pretty much unrecognisable. I used to be a married SAHM with PND who comfort ate every time I wasn't happy, didn't care about how I looked, didn't feel like I deserved anything nice.

Now, I'm separated, my exH has a 2 month old baby with someone else, I work part time, have finished Chocolate Fairy training and am registered self employed, I have partied so much, my depression now comes in episodes rather than years of drudgery like before. I have a boyfriend that is so loving I can't believe I managed to stay with my exH for so long without realising something was wrong. I have also acquired a step-daughter of sorts, who I love to bits. I am so much more social and confident. I used to wonder how other people made friends and now I just seem to make them. I rarely comfort eat anymore and have dropped from a size 18 to a 14 since last year, without dieting or exercising. I've house hunted twice, moved house twice, held down a job and my last review was 100%.

I really miss the family unit. Really miss it. I love the time when I just get to be "Nicola" but I hate that my kids don't live with me all the time- that they have another family that I am not part of. And my exH wants me to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour, not adultery but I can't do that because I can forgive the unreasonable behaviour, I can't forgive the fact that he won't leave his new girlfriend to be with me, his wife. This is still a sticking point, and the reason we're not divorced a year and 8 days later...

But mostly it's good.

I'm on the brink of something life-changing but don't feel able to discuss it on Hitched yet. The comforting thing is I know that when I do there'll be loads of support and ears to bend and shoulders to cry on which is so reassuring. This is sort of a pre-warning that I'm going to become increasingly needy in the coming months. ?

You sound like you've really grabbed hold of life with both hands Mousie and it's working out for you. I know it's hard when there are children involved though. ?

I am 100% happier than I was, life is so much better now - even though I dont even have a job at the moment, everything is so much better.

I cannot say anymore than that because my ex reads everything I put on here and any other forum I use this username on...

Thanks for asking Eric and I hope your life is as happy as mine now is - you were an absolute rock last year xx

I have had a very life changing 7/8mnths. To summerise:

• My Husband walked out on my daughter and I in Febuary. We are now going to Relate and he is living at home again. Relate has made me relise how screwed up our marriage is not least because my Husband has had feelings for one of our friends during our marrige - I had always suspected this and he has finally admitted it, I'm not angry because I have been angry for such a long time that the anger has pasted and at least I'm no longer the nagging wife. Relate however seems to be doing its job and things seem to be improving

• My boss tried very hard to bring disaplinetry against me at work. It has been very very stressful. The final result was that he had made no attempt to make reasonable adjustments for me in the work place for my Dyslexia. On many accassions he ignored my asking for help and told me that dyslexia was just another way of thinking. He ignored the fact it was covered under the Disability Act completely.

• I am being made redundant next week. I am sad but it feels like weight off my shoulders. I am being paid £5k to leave my job, not sure what I will do next but will probably spend some time at home.

• I have been seeing a cousellor for stress and anxeity. I am now sleeping much better at night and I'm starting feel normal again.

I think hugs where hugs are needed.

Eric - you always sounds so strong on here and always willing to be there for those that need it.

Mousie - I hope that the sticking points in the divorce stuff become unstuck so that you can move on.

CBH - when the time comes for you to reveal all we'll be there with our boxes of tissues and listening ears. If you need to chat to someone off board I'm willing to listen but I'm sure there are others who you are closer to who would do the same for you.

Maxiemax - hugs to you. I don't get why people feel the need to spy on others - especially when they are no longer part of their lives.

Helen** - I hope that things continue to get better - it sounds to me like you're better off without a boss like that!

You've got it all arse over tit Young Eric.

It was surreal (not good surreal) for far too long. Now it's normal, albeit normal in a special way. ?

I haven't posted much about my personal stuff on here (partly because ex Mr Dief used to read my posts) but the last year has been a bit of an upheaval.

Around this time last year my marriage was clearly breaking down. We went to Relate in June/July but by that point I knew that it was over, I'd been too hurt and put up with too much to ever be able to get back to where we were when we were happy. Mr Dief had been unable to see the gradual decline though and as such took the breaking up process quite badly.

Mr Dief moved out in August and took the dogs [:'(] (because he was moving in with his family so they wouldn't be left alone all day as they would if they stayed with me). Since then, I've gone through an extracted process (with plenty of unnecessary delays along the way) to get the house in my name, remortgage and pay Mr Dief his share of the equity. That completed last week.

I hear Mr Dief has a new girlfriend, and I think he is probably happier now. I am happier now too; I don't have a new relationship yet but have been on a few dates and have had some interest ?. I do get lonely sometimes and panic about what I'm going to do about the house (it needs a fair bit of DIY doing to it) but overall I feel that a weight has been lifted from my shoulders. My social life has improved immensely, my career is looking up, I've culled some poisonous people that were doing damage to my life and I just feel more like 'me'.

Every one of you sounds so strong and positive. Its really unbelievable that such great things can come from such horrible stuff, but it does.

Maxiemax, I'm delighted that things are better for you now, I knew he read your posts so didn't want to write your hitched name!

CBH, whatever it is, you just know someone here has gone through similiar, hope you're ok.

Diefenbaker, you've managed to do more than me, I'm still trying to sort out the house/finances, its hideous stuff. Glad you feel normal again.

Mousie - thats some year you've had, Congratulations on the Chocolate Fairy training - I dont know what it is but it sounds like fun!

Helen, I hope you find a fabulous new job - sounds like you are well rid of your old boss. ?

Nothing life changing here, life pretty static and happy. Just the way I like it ?

(don't mind being used a smokescreen though ?)

Good on all of you for turning your lives around. There's some strong people on here ?

Sorry Maxi ?

Can I join? I've not been on OT very much recently ?

In the last year I have moved away from home on my own, lived and partied very hard and enjoyed every minute then a few months ago found myself very unexpectedly pregnant. I've now moved home and back in with my parents to prepare for life as a mother, something I never ever thought I would do/be. I'm happier than I've been in an awful long time, excited about what's to come and apprehensive as I'm sure is normal with something so massive.

I will be preparing to give birth to my first child almost exactly 2 years after I split up with my ex and I can't believe how far I've come and what's changed, it's great ?

I've kept a lot of this on BT for obvious reasons but I'd rather everyone knew what was going on my life.

Mush love to everyone ?

Han xxx

Mine too, Maxiemax (and Dief). Maddening, isn't it, to feel as though you can't be yourself on here knowing that someone is reading every word? <shudder> creepy.

My life is not quite 100% where I want it to be, (I work in banking, 'nuff said ?) but it is 100% better than it was and I am above all living the life that I choose, not that has been forced on me by other people's choices.

Hugs to all

Can I join too?

I'm in the process of being made redundant. I'm also going to initiate proceedings for tribunal and unfair dismissal (this is very unlike me, in the past I've not normally stood up for my rights, preferring to avoid conflict and just slink off).

The thought of working again in a 'proper job' makes my heart sink right now, whereas before I was always so ambitious. So I'm looking into ways that I can make a valuable contribution and get paid for it, without the formality of employment.

I'm studying how to give Intuitive readings to people to help them find their life purpose. I'm loving my course and am doing really well. I hope to finish in a few weeks as I'll have a bit of time on my hands (garden leave so I can't work for anyone else).

I know hitched as a whole isn't too keen on psychics (!) which is I guess what it is (I won't be offering future predictions, but really helping people understand their path) but it really is what I'm being called to do. If you'd asked me 5 years ago, I was a complete skeptic, 3 years ago I just about tollerated anyone who believed in things unseen and blimey, look at me now meditating to access my clients' soul records!

It astounds me how quick it has all happened!

CBH, we spoke once on the sore topic of mothers and ever since I have had you pegged as one of the nicest hitchers around. I hope that whatever your difficulty is proves life changing in the best sense. Sometimes you do have to tunnel through the sh1t to get to the shore, but hopefully in your case it will be worth it. Take care, and random internet weirdy hugs to all others who need them.

Usually kept to BT, but in January we had a long awaited daughter, conceived via IVF. So yeah - life has changed a bit! I don't think it's changed me much though (yet?) I'm just being me in another role. So maybe a bit of a fraud on here for the moment!

Mousie - just wanted to say even though you haven't been around here lately, I have often thought of you and wondered how you were doing. You sound so much happier, I'm really pleased for you.

My life has totally changed in the last 12 months.

It started in Jan 08 when a scan for preparing for IVF highlighted 3 masses in my womb, one of which was cancerous. I had surgery in April 08 and everything was looking good. All cancer was removed without the need for a full hysterectomy and kids were still a possibility. I had to go on drugs to stop the cancer cells reforming and the plan was to start IVF in Sept 08.

Then on Father Day 08 I woke up with a very bad headache and sickness and was admitted to hospital with suspected meningitis. Two days later and lots of tests/scans etc they still could not find out what was wrong and had ruled out all the possibilities of meningitis, viral meningitis, morning sickness, carbon monoxide poisoning etc and as I wasn't responding to any drugs, the docs were baffled with what was wrong. Then on the Weds I suffered a massive brain haemorrhage that put me into a coma. Fortunately I was still in hospital and they were able to operate immediately. Seemingly had I still been at home I would have died. 9 hours of brain surgery later I was still alive and recovered slowly and gradually. I came out of my wheelchair in October and got rid of my walkin g sticks at christmas. I returned to work in January and the only long term condition I have is a total loss of taste and smell and I have to have an afternoon nap. This has now totally changed my life altogether.

The cancer issue is still there as the drugs didn't work to stop the cancer cells coming back so I am now on some other drugs but have given up on even trying IVF. I have realised that my life with my H and my 2 dogs is the life I love and I don't want to risk losing it or putting my health at any more risk by going through the trauma of IVF. I have also decided that should these new drugs not work I am going to opt for a full hysterectomy.

I totally adore my H and he has been to hell and back with me over the last 12 months. In the summer when I was still in neuro rehab he was working 17-18 hours a day (as a farmer) and then coming to see me at all hours day or night! He is totally my rock and I would not be here today without him. I would hate to give him the joy of a child for it to put my health at risk to the point that I couldn't share that joy with him.

So we are off to Canada next month to look at property and plan to emigrate over there once I finish the uni course I have just started. We are living our life for us now and really don't care what other people think. We have always spent our married life running round after other people (friends and family) who always find excuses not to see us or help us at our time of need. So for once we are putting ourselves first and concentrating on us and what we want. H's family are very selfish and we have only now after 6 years of marriage began to stand up to them and refuse to run when they click their fingers. And we are so much happier for it. My health is always going to be an issue that will have an effect on our life but we can live with that and now live each day to the max.

Sorry this has been so long but as you can see, my life is so different to 12 months ago. I was always someone who did anything to keep the peace and would jump when the in laws demanded something. Now it's totally different and I am alot happier.

xxxx

Hi Eric? How have you been keeping, I hope your doing well. Did you ever get the article in the mag?

Anyhows things with me, where do I start! Its only 5 months since mummy died and its been so hard, I have a good cry everyday still, miss her so much☹️ I'm still with H, I know some people think im mad but tbh I couldn't have got through the last months without him. I do feel quite stressed at times and my BP has been quite high at times, the doc told me off and I have to take more time for me and try to relax - yeah right lol

A lot has changed with us and his work, he has better shifts, got rid of his car and is just well a different person. The slut no longer works there and I couldn't care less about her. I will admit that some days I do think i'm mad for taking him back yet again but I think with mummy passing it put a lot into perspective for both of us. I have been throwing myself into volunteering & fundraising for Marie Curie, infact i'm only in from helping in one of the shops in Belfast. We are off on hols in July to the Dom Rep and I can't beeping wait! I so need a holiday after all the crap life has thrown at me this past year.

Anyhows that is me the shortened version or I would be typing all day lol. Thanks for checking up on all us Eric ?

18 months since my relationship ended and I am in a good place. I've bought a house, have my own car, work is going well, my family are just marvellous and I have rekindled some friendships that suffered in the last few years of my relationship and have made some wonderful new friends.

Yes, things aren'y completely 100%, but I am getting there. Not back in a 'proper' relationship yet and I truly don't know if I will be for a while. I'm just not ready and on one hand that worries me massively and on the other, well, a shrug of the shoulders is the best way I can describe it. Whatever will be will be I suppose!

There are some great people on hitched. All with their own stories and there is a huge amount of support which I just think is brilliant. Yay for all of us who are much happier now - onwards and upwards! ?

My life is very different to where I thought it would be - and thats good and not so good. I thought I would be married, with a handful of children and enjoying life. In fact I am living overseas, working hard and earning good money, I have a great social circle and am out a lot...but I do feel something is missing.

Moving here was the result of me leaving my husband, and I am finally ready to get divorced. Its taken the two + years of leaving to get to this point and I am happy (?) for want of a better word, that I feel its time to really move on.

I dont know what my next move is - location wise and career/relationship wise - but I do know that I needed this time out to refocus and come to terms with the loss of my marriage. I have also had to deal with a miscarriage a few months ago, a broken foot and supporting a friend through a very traumatic time - but I have come out of it and can definitely see the light at the end of the tunnel.

I feel...empowered I guess, for the first time in a long time. I have savings, I have a family who tolerate me not being there and therefore, at the moment, I feel no reason to return which is letting me slowly find my way through life.

Its not easy and there are days when I crave my old life - but then I remind myself that my marriage was awful, the lack of respect and love was really terrible and I know I cannot return to that no matter how lonely I get.

For me, I know my next steps are all about moving on with my life. For my soon to be ex husband I know that he feels his life is about to end, but who knows, maybe this is going to be the making of him too.

Anyway, hugs for those who need them. Its a hard battle most days........

My year is slowly getting there.

Dec 2007, my husband went into hospital to have a lump removed from the bottom his foot, in January we found out it was a cancerous sarcoma. He was referred to a specialist team at Stanmore for MRI's and CT scans to find out if it had spread to his lungs and also to look at his foot again. At the time my Dad was in hospital in Bordeaux, rapidly losing his battle with adrenal cancer, I was absolutely distraught finding out the 2 most important men in my life had been struck down by this horrid disease. I didn't know how to tell my Dad and stepmum, given everything they were going through.

In February my Dad had to make the awful decision to stop treatment and we took him back to his home in France still to die. We received a call from Stanmore that my Husband needed to come home to see his consultant, luckily I managed to delay the appointment so that I was able to be with my dad until the end, my husband just couldn't cope at all with it, which I wasn't suprised at given he was dealing with my Dad and wondering if the same was going to happen to him.

After Dad's funeral we came home and shorly after my husband was admitted to hospital to have a further operation on his foot, some of the tumour had been missed and he needed to have a toe amputation. We then spent the summer making a daily trip to Addenbrookes for his radiotherapy over 6 weeks. My life just seemed to be spent in a cancer bubble for the majority of 2008.

Thankfully my husband was given the all clear in December and we had a fantastic holiday in New York, spending Christmas there. The last 2 had been spent with my Dad in hospital so it was just wonderful being on our own, celebrating our love for each other.

Life is slowly getting back to normal, Mr P has negociated redundancy from his company, he worked in a pallative care, he could no longer face it. he has an interview lined up and is looking forward to going back to work.

My hateful sister is dragging things out by contesting my Dad's will, but I am hoping that this will all be sorted in the next few weeks, my step mum has suffered dreadfully because of her and I cannot believe she has attacked her and my late father in this way. Never a day goes by when my I don't think about my Dad and I miss him dreadfully, he will be horrified that she is doing this too.

On a positive point, I am only 10 weeks from qualifying as a counsellor after studying and training for the last 4 years. I am excited about setting up in private practise, but also nervous at the same time. I am just so passionate about the work I do with my client's, seeing the change in people and being part of their journey is such a privilege and I truly love this profession. Leaving the Land Registry to follow my dream and complete my training was the best decision I made, even though it's been tough financially this past year, we have survived.

I have been shown how precious life is and how quickly it can be taken away, so I am thankful for the choices I have made.

I wish everyone all the best for the new chapters of their lives and hope the paths they have chosen guide them to the happiness they deserve after some painful experiences.

Pig xxxxx

Blimey lots of life changing things going on for people. Got to give specialkat a big ?

Well mine is partly BT related but certainly life changing for us. This time last year i was about 4 months pregnant with baby #3, and everything for us was going fantastically. Then in August i gave brith to a perfect baby boy. 7 Weeks later we had to take him back to hospital because we found a lump the size of a golf ball in his neck. We were told by the drs they could not give us a prognosis and thats when everything changed for me. He was kept in whilst they did blood tests, scans, xrays etc etc. We watched our little baby scream in agony and i hated every single second.

He was eventually diagnosed with a cystic hygroma and we were told he would need major surgery as the lump was spreading rapidly inside and out. It was dangerously close to the jugular and windpipe so it made things even more complicated. We had no choice but to prepare ourselves for the worst. We bought his christening forward on the advice of the hospital, we spoke to the vicar and decided to have it at our church rather than in hospital. It took place on the 14th December last year. On the 16th december (and 17 weeks old) we took him to hospital and i held him while they put him under. We were told to prepare for about 6 hours of surgery and then for a few weeks stay in intesive care. I spent the time sobbing into my Hs arms whilst 8 surgeons and 4 anethetists worked on him.

After half the time a nurse came to find us. My heart sank. She couldnt tell us anything as she said she was just told to get us. We went up to the theatre and it was the longest 30 seconds ever! I heard him screaming and it was the best sound ive ever heard. He had all manner of machines and monitors attached to him, but the surgeon told the nurse to take them off of him and give him to me. Needless to say i couldnt have been happier. She told us surgery had gone much better than expected but how he recovered would be vital to his long term prognosis.

Amazingly he recovered really well. One of the anethitists came round to see us that evening. He said he would get in trouble from his wife for being late but that he had to tell me he thought my baby was a medical miracle. I cried! A day later he was let out of hospital with alot of compression bandages but i didnt care because we never imagined he would be coming home anyway. His recovery continued really well and today he is a lump free almost 8 month old! We still go to hospital regularly and our next appt is the crucial one. The surgeon wants to discuss what will happen if it comes back, which unfortunately is quite possible. I still wake up in cold sweats that this time tomorrow i could be back where i was 4 months ago and theres no way of knowing what the outcome will be. But slowly we are just having to get used to it, and can even joke about how we must own one of the carparks due to how many times we have been there! So life changing without a doubt, id only ever been in a hospital to have a baby now some times i go several times a week!

Missus Jolly - thank you so much for your words - I'm really touched - I had no idea I'd made any impression on the boards. Thank you. ?

I'm making my way through all the posts on this thread - the honesty with which you are all writing is incredibly moving and it's really good to catch-up on everyone's news and progress over the last few months.

SpecialKat - your bravery and the way you have dealt with everything that has been thrown at you is just inspiring. I really hope you continue to go from strength to strength and your dream of emigrating to Canada comes off. Don't EVER feel bad about living for you and for your H. We do that every day as a couple child-free by choice - a decision completely made by our own selfish ideals ? and not thrust upon us by the curve-balls life can throw at us. ?

HanB - I hadn't read your story before and as I was reading down the paragraphs I was really starting to getting anxious about how your story would end - and so I was so relieved and happy to read about your son's miraculous recovery but gosh you had me going for a while! ?

Glad things are straightening themselves out for you Pig - and hope the will situation is resolved shortly. The new career sounds fabulous! Good on you for grabbing the opportunity.

Keep the great stories coming - there's some lovely stories of strength and determination on here. Can never have enough of that. ?

I don't really tell anyone whats going on in my life, but after seeing this post i feel like telling someone...

My life has changed dramatically in the last 12 months. This time last year i was married, just moved into a beautiful new home with two dogs and one horse! I was working for my parents, life was good.

Now im seperated from my husband, living in ireland on my own, sold my horse, had to rehome one of the dogs and no job. I was the one who decided the marriage was over and i left him, 101 reasons why, but know i realise leaving all my friends and family to move to ireland wasn't such a great idea. But at the time i knew i needed to get away from him and also everyones questions.

I'm going through the hardest time ever now, i admit i am really struggling at the moment. Everyone thinks im coping fine, because thats what i tell them but im not. I know in the long term my decisions will be worth it but right now its hard to see that. I don't think i have ever cried so much in my life. I went back home for a few days to see my family, all i wanted really was a hug from my parents and someone to talk to but i never got that. My dad thinks i've made the worst decision of my life and that i will regret it. After reading all these posts i really hope like some of you, in maybe 6 months time i will come through this all and be happy and content with life.

I don't know if any of this makes sense to anyone! I have so much to say but find it hard to write down.

Smithy, sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. It must be hard living so far from friends and family when you need them most. I have no words of wisdom but hope you do come through the other side and can look back and know it was the right thing to do. Keep talking on hitched - its so supportive and people who have been there can help you through this.

Good Luck

Thanks CharlieDaisy.

Right now i can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I spend most days in a daze trying to keep myself busy because as soon as i stop and sit down i fall to pieces. I get so angry with myself sometimes and i'm not even sure why. I long for the day for when i wake up and feel like a 'normal' 23 year old and be happy.

Thanks CBH, I hope that things aren't too difficult for you over the coming months and I hope I can offer you some hitched support on you're journey.

HanB, I am sorry to hear your wee fella's first few months were traumatic, but am glad to hear he found the strength to survive and I wish him well in his recovery.

Specialkat, I also wish you well in your recovery, you've been through so much. Good for you for putting yourselves first!

Smithy, I offer you big virtual hugs, you sound so low and I really hope that you time in Ireland eventually becomes a positive space for you.

The human spirit amazes me everyday and all you're stories have moved me in some way or another.

Pig xx

? To everyone here. Isn't it unbelievable what can happen in a year.

Smithy, hope u don't mind me asking but where in Ireland are you? x

? to everyone on this thread. The stories have made me cry. My life has changed immeasurably lately. I am now going through a divorce I do not want. Made worse by the fact we still love each other and miss each other. We just don't seem to work well living together anymore ☹️

Emma, i'm in galway

Aww thats quite a way from me.

If we had been closer id have been happy to keep you company while you having such a tough time x x