Boarding School - Discuss

I used to teach at one.

TBH it depends on the child for some it's wonderful

I didn't, although as a day boy at a boarding school, many of my classmates did.

Most of them seemed to survive it relatively intact, even though the early years were pretty hard.

I can't see it as something I would ever consider for a child of mine - but then I had a fantastic childhood with my parents that I wouldn't swap for anything.

I don't have any direct experience of boarding schools (unless you count reading Mallory Towers, Trebizan and Harry Potter ?) but I do have friends who have been to boarding school.

Most of them loved it, but had friends who were miserable there.

I think you can't really make general statements about boarding schools, to be honest. It's right for some people, in some situations, not for others.

I think it's probably quite sad in some respects, for parents and children to be separated for long stretches of time, but for other families it may be beneficial. It's probably a good thing for the children if you are going to be moving around a lot, to give them some stablity (some forces children etc).

When we have children I will do what I can to give them the best education I can. Ideally that will be a good state school, much like the one I went to. If that isn't an option, then we would hope to be able to look at private schools. I don't think I would go as far as boarding schools, I would probably move to be closer to a good day school, but if, for some reason (i can't quite think what that could be, but you never know) boarding schools were the best option for us then I wouldn't rule it out.

I didn't. I wouldn't send my own kids unless i was a single mother (in which case i think its a wonderful form of childcare) or if we had jobs where we had to travel loads.

I used to really want to (I wanted to go to Enid Blytons st clements) but I've now got a number of friends who attended boarding schools, including really top ones and I'm not too impressed with their experiences.

There seemed to be a lot of drinking and drugs, in fact they uniformally have far far more relaxed attitudes to drugs than each state school person I know. They also all got peircing and tattoos- just silly rebellious things they wouldn't have got away with if living with parents. Just a general lack of supervision I guess. which is fine with kids but I think becomes a problem with teenagers/ sixth formers.

I totally agree with this. i actually had a place at one of the country's top boarding schools when I was 10 -to start when I was 11. This was absolutely my choice. My parents weren't overly keen but I was desperate to go. I changed my mind at the last minute when I got a place at one of the top Private Schools.

We're sending out little girl to Private School in September - she'll be 3 and carry on until she's 11. The school acts as feeder for the aforementioned boarding school so if the situation's right and she wanted to give it a go then yes I would let her

I dated a guy in boarding school - seeing him on weekends and holidays - and it made him incredibly mature and beyond his years.

I had a dreadful, dreadful relationship with my mother and I often wonder if I had been at boarding school whether this would have helped. I mean, not just the distance between us, but not having the continual pressure from her that I wasn't good enough and that I was failing and whether I would have been able to stand up to her more if I had had the maturity and independence I think a boarding school can give you.

We don't have kids but we wouldn't send them to a boarding school - H completely disagrees with private schooling even though he attended one himself!

Interesting topic of conversation though ...

Very much depends on the child/family/situation I think.

When I was little I always wanted to go, but I think that was down to reading far too much Mallory Towers, but my parents did consider it because of my eagerness! However in hindsight I'm not sure I would have coped too well with it as I was quite a sensitive child, which is probably why my parents decided against it. It's not something I'd consider for my children either, but that's not to say there's anything wrong with boarding schools, just that they're not a consideration for us for many reasons.

I didn't go to one (state educated) and can't imagine a situation where I would choose it for my children.

However, I think there's a world of difference between sending a weeny 6/8 year old away just because 'that's what you do' in certain families/circles, and sending a keen 14/16 year old to a specialist sports/music school if they have a certain aptitude for example.

My youngest brother (15, with complex special needs) currently boards 2 days a week to give my Mum (single parent) some respite, and to encourage him in his independence.

I went for sixth form and my sister boarded from 11. I think it entirely depends on the child, the school etc- it can be great fun, you get a much stronger sense of belonging than you do at day school, there's more to do and you have your friends around you all the time.

The big disadvantage of boarding is if things are going badly- if you're bullied at school, say, it must be horrid not to have any respite or safe haven to go to.

I certainly don't think you can call boarding schools "cruel" though- I had a great time, as did my sis.

My mum went to boarding school, first as a day girl and changed to weekly then termly boarding after the first term as she felt she missed out on so much when she left at 6pm every evening. She loved it but didn't send either of us to boarding school - but then we had fairly decent state schools nearby. Both my cousins went to boarding school from 11 because their parents moved around a lot with work and seem to have come out the otherside unscathed.

Not sure what I'd do with my own children when the time comes. Guess it would depend on what's near to me, what we can afford and whether I'm still moving around a lot with work and they'd need some stability - but saying that my friend's children have never spent more than 4 years at any one school and will be joining the UK system for the first time next month aged 12 and 13 and they seem as well rounded as any other child I know.

H went to boarding school from age 8 until he finished his A-levels. Dad is in the forces and moved around a lot, and his parents deemed it would provide him and his brother with a stable environment. Grandma lived an hour away so they saw her when they could. I went to school abroad with a lot of international kids who came and went every year moving around with their parent's work and they struggled to make friends, were shy and retired etc, so i see why they would think stability would benefit him. In his case, he loved it and has fond memories of his time there. i also think the relationship kids build with each other and their teachers is wonderful, and is also a great preparation for University.

If I can afford it, my future kids will go to private school, but not necessarilly as boarders if we live close by.

H went to boarding school from 5 and loved it. He has a great relationship with his parents and believes that has a lot to do with not having to go through the whole teenage-rebel thing with them. He also feels it gave him a lot of opportunities on a day-to-day basis that he would not have got if he had gone to a state non-boarding school. (There are state boarding schools as well so it isn't just a case of private versus state education).

He has two other brothers - one of them went to boarding school and loved it , the other opted to be a day boarder as he was not happy with boarding. Like most things in life, it depends on the person but I don't think it can be generally classed as cruel!

I just can't imagine a situation where I would choose to send my child away to school ... (I have to say though, I was a big fan of Mallory Towes and Twins at St Claire's ?) When I was young my Dad was in the army and we moved around a lot, but we just changed schools every few years..

For my folks, I know they felt the stability of being at home with my brothers and me was more important than the stability of the same teachers and schoolfriends.

But, I think it's a different kettle of fish as someone said to send an older child (13/14/15?) to a specialist school if they have a particular talent.

All of that aside, I grew up in Orkney where lots of the pupils from the outer isles had to stay in a hostel during the week to go to the nearest high school so I suppose that's no different ?

Gosh. Each to their own and all that but 5 seems awfully young to be separated from your parents unless absolutely necessary.

I agree! But then I'm probably going to home educate my lot so that they don't ever leave!

For H he didn't know any different, his father went to boarding school at that age and his father's father before that.

In fact, his dad used to travel alone to the boarding school at the start/end of term when he was about seven via the underground and the train - madness!

Mr M went to boarding school from the age of 8 and his mum busted a gut to pay for it because his local schools were terrible and the area he lived in wasn't great so she wanted him to have the best start. It's done the job though, he's got a fantastic job and is doing very well for himself despite his young age.

If I lived in an area that had good comp schools then I wouldn't feel the need to send my child to a private school but if it was the only option to get them the best education possible I wouldn't hesitate.

Another with no experience of boarding school, although my Dad did have my name down for one of the countries top boarding schools when I was very small. I never went though as my parents couldn't bear to let me go ?

I can't ever imagine a situation where I feel it would be better for Master Vixen to be at a boarding school rather than with us, but as this thread clearly demonstrates it is the best choice for some people.

Some interesting mixed views and opinions.

I completly agree that it depends on the child and the school. what suits one child would not suit another!

I think though, had i been sent to boarding school from such a young age i would have felt neglected and unloved - just my opinion of how i would have felt.

My 2 collegues have turned into well grounded individuals and they are doing very well for themselves so boarding school for them obviously worked well.

I didn't go and I don't think I know anyone who did. If I had children I don't think I'd send them to boarding school unless they were about 12 or over and wanted to go to a specific school for some reason. I just don't think I'd want to part with them for such a length of time as I kind of think that if you have children you might as well spend a decent amount of time with them! But each to their own, I don't have an issue with other people doing it.

My Mum went at 5. I don't think it did her any favours, she tells anyone who will listen that she moved out of home when she was 5.

I couldn't send MissSun away to school but I would certainly think about a private education if I could afford it. Depends on the comp/grammar school situation at the time.

For me, she grows so quickly anyway, i'm cherishing every (well nearly every ?) moment with her until she starts school next september, i couldn't be apart from her for any period of time.

I went when I was 7 and hated every moment. Then again, it wasn't a forward thinking school by any means - it was a Catholic boarding school run by Nuns who rammed religion down our throats at every opportunity.

Could go on for hours about it, but in a nutshell, my experience was horrific.

I was expelled 6 times, taken back 5, but the last time was kicked out at 15 minutes after my chemistry o'level when the whole class was brought in and I had to stand up and face everyone - teachers included - to be told I was a disgrace along with my best friend. Our crime? Someone spread the rumour we were gay, and the nuns believed them! How ruddy ridiculous!

A good friend of mine's son, however, begged to go to boarding school. I forget the name of it, but it's a school where the children take responsibility for themselves. They decide what they wear, whether they go to class, make decisions in everything. Sounds bizarre, but it's far more forward thinking, and he's a gem of a teenager now.

That makes me pretty sad Helen. My little brothers at 5 were still babies really, having lots of cuddles and stories before bed, and one had only been out of nappies 6 months or so and was still regularly bed-wetting. I do find it hard to believe that anyone could replicate the love and individual attention a LO that age needs in a boarding school environment.

Thinking about it whilst reading this thread I think what I would have missed the most if I'd been at boarding school is the relationship with my siblings. I shared a room with my sister until I left home for Uni (and in the holidays after that too) and I can't imagine being as close as we are if we'd only seen each other at Christmas/Easter etc. And I would have missed seeing my fab little brothers grow up from babies into big teenagers making their own way in the world. I guess if you're an only child or you're not all that keen on your sibs this might be an advantage though!

Sounds like Summerhill

https://www.summerhillschool.co.uk/

Bedales- fabulous school.

Yep, that's the one

I went to boarding school in South Africa - I was dropped off on a Monday morning, and picked up on a Friday after school - there wasn't a private school where my parents lived and they wanted us privately educated. My sister and I both thrived in boarding school, my brother hated it (I think boys boarding schools can be quite different). But we all had a fantastic childhood too, just because we went to boarding school, doesn't mean we didn't.

It depends on the circumstances, and the child in question. 20 years later, three of my best friends are still from boarding school, I loved it.

Do you know what makes it even sadder? Her and her siblings who also went at 5 weren't even sent to the same boarding school there were scattered to different ones. They actually have pretty applalling relationships with each other as adults. They do all speak to each other but they they speak to each like children/teenagers, they bi*ch about each other, they all think that they know more than the others about everything, its an on going competition. Yawn, very tedious for those who try to have a good relationship with there parents and there aunts and uncles. Her school was also very christian so if you were confirmed you got to see your parents more than if you weren't.

H went to one from 11.

His parents lived and worked overseas and sent him to one near where his gradmother lived- as you need to nominate a guardian in UK, if you live overseas.

H is mixed race and the school was all very rich local farmers son's and he was only non-white. He hated it, and was always odd one out.
Strangely though- he said if we lived in UK he would like our daughter to go there- over my dead body!

I don't think that is necessarily a direct side effect of boarding school though, as i know a few people who have very bad relationships with their siblings and they lived together all the time. In fact i suspect my own relationship with particularly my middle sister will always be the way you describe above and we went to the same comprehensive and lived together!

I don't really have any experience, other than reading harry potter. There is a boarding grammar school in the same town where i went to the comp school but i don't think i particularly ever came across any boarders. Some of the other people in my year knew loads of people at the local grammar though.

I wanted to go to boarding school, but i think that was mostly to do with a) harry potter and b) my awful relationship with my parents, even at the age of 11. I'm glad i didn't now as i suspect it would have damaged my relationship with my parents even more. But i think i would have enjoyed it when i was there.

I think I will be sending them if I have the funds, In a boarding school, students are assessed and their weaknesses eradicated. Choice of subjects is important and your teen is guided towards a career for which they are suited and in which they have an interest or hopefully a passion.

My parents deliberated about sending me to an independent day school or boarding school, primarily because my dad was inthe forces and we moved a lot and they wanted me to have a stable background. Also, at that time, the RAF fully funded a place for me at any school pretty much that I wanted to go to.

I was keen for boarding school but then got the colly-wobbles and thats when the idea of an independent day school came in as we lived close to Cambridge, so there was a few good schools around. I had friends that day boarded and loved it and that, coupled with Mallory Towers, really got me interested in going.

As it was, I did one term at a local primary as we had just moved into the area before heading onto secondary education, and I made a couple of good friends, so opted to go to the local comp.

Boarding schools or alternative forms of education such as home schooling, do work but its like any system and structure - it has to be regulated and monitored. My sister-in-law was home schooled along with her large family and has refused to send her two to a state system and prefers to home school and is doing a wonderful job. She makes every effort to integrate her children with peers, goes on special home school camp trips etc, and she is doing a stellar job. They are discussing for the oldest to send her to an independent school for her secondary education.

I am not sure I could or would send my children to boarding school, but I wouldnt discount it. I can understand that for some children the feelings of isolation, "being sent away", feeling perhaps unloved or unwanted are in direct conflict to those children that absolutely had a blast from that environment.

My mum is in the Highlands and her local secondary school has a hostel attached because for some of the pupils it is just too far for them to commute each day, so they board during the week and return home at weekends. This is quite a normal thing I understand.