Business idea - what do you think?

Isn't that what Funeral Directors do only they finish the job as well (so to speak)?

Sounds a bit like the services offered by a funeral director.

TBH I have never organised a funeral, so I am not sure what funeral directors actually do.

It was more that you would help put someone's life into order before they died - helping them to create memory boxes and arrange photographs etc - even write up some of their memoirs, as well as take their wishes for their own funeral. And then work as an advocate for that person after they died, I suppose.

? it's not like I need anything else to do, TBH. It was just something that came up in conversation and we both went ?

It started after we were discussing personalised coffins and the baby boom generation: http://www.colourfulcoffins.com/

More of a Dying Organiser then... With out the murderous undertones ?

My mother works for a Funeral Director. She is the office manager i think. She is the person you see when someone has died and you need to organise their funeral. Obviously they don't get involved in making sure someone's life is in order, but they do deal with people looking to sort out their funerals in advance IYSWIM.

I think this is a good idea- like a sort of midwife for death, IYSWIM. I think some hospices and charities do this sort of thing already.

?

That's really helpful, thank you. Probably not going to draw up a business plan for now ?

My parents have their funerals completed sorted.

They've paid for them already (so it'll be far cheaper in the long run & they don't want me paying for it), they have a box with 2 cd's one for mum & one for dad with the music they want played & when. List of special requests e.g. colourful for mum, types of flowers, type of coffin & where they want to be scattered...I'm hoping they decide on New Zealand then stick an airfare in the box too!

I feel really happy about this, it also give me more time to perfect my grieving daughter look!

We have discussed it all quite throughly and don't feel morbid about it.

Yes Macmillan and similar charities often offer this for free (especially for younger people, with kids etc)

Obviously depends on you knowing you are going to die in enough time to organise things, but not too far away that's it's just odd making boxes of memories.... Not a very common occurence in my experience.

TD, I find this really interesting and, in a way (and please don't take offence), slightly selfish of people.

Although it is your funeral, you are essentially holding it for your loved ones, as they are the ones who will find it distressing/comforting/peaceful/unpleasant etc... so shouldn't they have some say in it?

My Grannie died in May and stipulated that absolutely noone but her 3 sons and her husband were to be at the crematorium. We later had a service for us all, but all the daughters in law and grandchildren felt slightly short changed, as we hadn't been able to say goodbye properly. Not only that, the sons were really upset on their own, with no wives or children to support them.

Noone felt able to question it as Grannie had very carefully stipulated exactly who was to be where, and when.

I have always thought that planning a funeral is an integral part of grieving and gives the family something to work on together in those few awful days following a death.... but maybe that's just my view.

All fascinating stuff, though.

Actually Clairy, I think that there would be a "market" for this kind of service, and far from the suggestion of being selfish, I think I'd rather someone left their estate and wishes in good order.

I think when people have time, but know that the end is soon IYSWIM, there are things that people would like to put in place, but aren't well enough.

I'd say that even drawing up a will would come into this, especially an at home service.

Many people die without leaving details of bank accounts / savings / shares and life policies. So a document detailing these might be useful.

I've talked to Russell about my funeral, and we've been an looked at plots and "venues". Whilst I know that my wishes won't be binding, it's reassuring that at least someone knows what kind of thing I would like. Whilst I agree that organising a funeral can be very healing and cathartic, it's also very stressful and time consuming.

HTH, Rebecca

Thanks for your insight, Evelina ? Hope you are OK, I often think about you.

I'm doing Ok thanks, radiotherapy finished last week, so am just recovering really. I look out for your posts too, but I find I'm not here that much these days.

Rx

I think there must be a skill in getting a balance between the deceased leaving enough information and instructions so the family know what they would have liked and don't have an enoreous number of decisions to make when they are at their most upset, don't have to hunt for crucial information, no ambiguous will etc, and leaving instructions that are precise but difficult or stressful to carry out and maybe are a bit selfish or have mischievous intentions!

I'm not sure if it's the job of a funeral director to do all of this, I'm sure there's a market for Clairy's idea.

I can't work out whether it would be something to aim through reputable funeral directors who already have customers and funeral plans or whether people looking at planning it would rather they didn't have to deal with the people at the very very end, IYSWIM!

My father's friend is a very successful funeral director - I reckon it must be a really satisfying job.

Zebra, I'm sure you're right, especially about practicalities such as wills, finances etc.

I think with my Grannie I just found it hard to move on as I'd not seen a body/coffin etc, and I found it hard to think she hadn't wanted us there.

In fact, I am just about to go through the same thing again, as my much adored Grandpa (on the other side) passed away on Tuesday (which is why I am replying to this thread I guess) and my Grandma is in the midsts of organising the service.

The ceremony she has found easy to organise - they were married 54 years so I think she is fairly confident of choosing what he would want. He did choose a couple of hymns before he went, as he had been ill for a few months and did know he was going to go soon.

However, what to do with his body has been incredibly difficult for her. He was always adament that he wanted to donate his body to medical research (I think this has a large part to do with what I do for a living). Unfortunately beacuse his body had been so ravaged by cancer, it was not suitable to be researched or used for dissection teaching. She has therefore had an awful time trying to work out what he would have wanted as a second best, and has opted for a tiny cremation, again with just spouse and children (maybe I should be starting to take this personally? ?)

Sorry - very long winded. I guess what I am trying to say is that it's important for your loved ones to know the basics of what you'd like to happen (buried/crem/religious service or not) but also to be aware that things don't always go as you wish, and maybe to be a little flexible in your plans for the sake of your family, who are the ones left behind.

There was a woman in a magazine I was reading reently who has done this. It's a website where people can plan everything and set out insurance details, last requests, get help and advice with stuff like Inheritance Tax planning etc.

Helpfully I can't recall the name of it.

R-A, I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather.

It must be really difficult knowing what to do when you can't follow his wishes.

Just to bring some flippancy to the thread, a friend of my BIL once suggested a "death cleaning" service, whereby as soon as you die, they scoot round to your house ASAP to remove all the porn mags, wipe the coke residue off the bathroom tiles and shred the bank statements with the direct debit to Sex Toys R Us before your relatives find them.

For an extra charge they would plant cheque stubs made out to charities, copies of philanthropic works etc.

Why is it that this service makes me think 'hmm..Nickj may want that'?

L
xx

I think I'm with R-A on this, I think funerals are for those left behind, not those who have passed away.

When my mum dies I will have a minister there of some description (I have a bit of a complicated multidenominational church background!) which I know she wouldn't really want but it will be important for me to have that comfort at her funeral - she won't be there (apart from in body!). Maybe that's hard but I would find it really difficult not to do that and she doesn't have to experience it. I'll go along with what she wants for cremation/burial etc, but the service will be important to my grieving process (as I found out at my dad's funeral - where we got it just right IMO).

See TBH, I find this idea really quite disrespectful, knowing what your Mum would want but over-ruling her wishes. Perhaps I am wrong, but even in death, surely you should respect the feelings, faith & opinions of the deceased.

She won't know anything about it, I will be the one grieving, and I will be the one who needs comfort, not her. I would never force her to have any sort of minister visit her before death, even if she was unconscious, but once she has gone it's about those left behind, IMO. I respect her views and beliefs whilst she can be affected by them, but once she's gone, she's gone and what I (and my family feel) is what is left.

I don't feel that that is disrespectful and she understands how I feel. Different thngs for different people I suppose.

Well, for a very reasonable monthly retainer I could be on standby ?

I'm not sure you really read my post R-A.

My parents have only decided how they want to leave this world, not who comes & who doesn't & family politics etc. It's more about the fact that they are in control of what happens to them now without anyone else involved to influence the situation or even, god forbid that something happens to them so they can't tell me what they would really like. For example I know that my mum would be really disappointed if everyone turned up in black.

Along with their funeral arrangements (held in a big suitcase at their house) are their wills, insurance documents & a selection of other paperwork & bits and pieces...just in case) - all this was sorted out before they did a long trip to NZ because they think ahead.

I'm proud that my parents are selfish enough to do want they want with their last wish, I wouldn't have it any other way, cos I love them & respect their wishes.