Depression

I struggle on and off, I'm in a bad patch right now.

Definitely speak to the doctor, from what I understand antidepressants can work wonders, just yesterday one of the GPs at my surgery asked me to make an appointment and tried to persuade me once again to take them. She spoke very highly of them, and said that they really are, and I quote 'miracle workers'.

I would also suggest some counselling to deal with his past issues, and perhaps CBT to give him coping methods for now.

Try to establish whether his suicide comments mean that he is genuinely contemplating it. I regularly feel like I want to die/there's no point in living, but that's not the same as actually considering and hypothetically planning a suicide...does that make sense? As much as I want to die sometimes, I would never actually do it, as I've lost people to suicide and so I know what it would do to my friends and family. Is he thinking about it, or just feeling like he can't go on?

Also, have a huge huge hug, it must e so hard to be on the sidelines trying to help and feeling helpless ?

I'm out all day and will be on email, but not here...feel free to email me on sammireynolds @ hotmail . co . uk (remove the spaces)

Best of luck, x

Mellow_Yellow has offered some great advice and I don't have anything else to add but didn't want to read and run. Hope you can get some help for your OH. X

I don't have anything helpful to add but didn't want to read and run. Really hope you manage to get him some help, it must be a horrible position to be in.

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I have nothing useful to add but didn't want to read and run. I hope you, and he, get all the help you need.

Sorry you're going through this It sounds really tough.

I can't add anything more as there's so much good advice already, but I just wanted to say that the one positive thing is that if he has done a depression test it suggests he knows there is something wrong. It took my friends almost a year to get me to realise I wasn't myself when I had depression. Recognising it is the first step. Really hope he's ok and you too.

My sis had depression, so my best friends.

Always good to check the support you can get, amazing websites are:

https://www.thrivetalk.com/

https://www.mind.org.uk/

Hope it helps you as much it did me. Each case is different so not much advise I can give you personally.

Godo luck and let us know if you need any more ?

Can't help I'm afraid, but didn't want to read & run ?

Thank you to everyone who has replied, am at work at the moment, so not had time to read them all properly, will do later, but really appreciate everyone's comments and advice.

He's spoke to the doc today and had an appointment to see them tomorrow. I'm more than happy to talk through it with him, but don't want to feel like I'm smothering him.

It's really common, perhaps unsurprisingly, for people who have had cancer to suffer from depression either during therapy or afterwards.

My H had Hodgkin's lymphoma 3 years ago and managed reasonably well through treatment - obviously it was stressful and he felt like crap, but we got through it. He started to have real problems with depression about a year-18 months after finishing treatment, and I think a lot of it was because he still wasn't "right" - the cancer was gone but he still didn't feel like he had before chemo, was struggling with fatigue and he had a manager at work who was not very helpful. I think he was starting to think that he was always going to feel tired and low and always going to struggle at work, when previously he had been a very high achiever and in line for a management role. It took a long time before he would go to see anyone, but when he finally did things did start to get better, but VERY slowly.

He was started on fluoxetine (a commonly-prescribed anti-depressant), and also went to CBT - he did this privately as the NHS waiting times are so long. His fatigue problems got so bad that he actually ended up having a couple of months off work (now that he has been reassigned to a new manager they have been amazingly understanding!) and then went back in a very gentle graded programme, but he is now back to full time and off the fluoxetine. There are still bad days and certain things trigger very stressful reactions in him, but mostly things are pretty good.

I definitely think your H should see his GP, and by all means go with him to support him, but let him speak and tell his story and what he's feeling. They have seen this lots of times before and there is no shame in depression. Some of the cancer charities also have counselling options available for cancer survivors, which might be worth exploring too? Good luck to both of you. ?

Yes! To basically all of this. Thankyou, is good to hear someone else been there/done that.

He went to his GP yesterday and was advised to take counselling and given info on dealing with stress, but no antidepressants, which I admit I was a bit disappointed about as I thought this would be the first thing. (Although I appreciate its best as a combined treatment meds and therapy). He neglected to mention the 'suicide' part though, but told me it was because he didn't feel that way now, so it didn't matter....

He's off to see his haematology doctor (oncologist) on Monday, so hopefully they might put him onto some meds.

He does seem a bit perkier in himself, so fingers crossed just talking about it has helped a bit.

Thankyou all so much for your words and support, means a lot

Didn't want to read and run, but its good that he's getting help. Hope that his doctor on Monday might be able to give him more practical short-term help.

I know that you're worried about looking after him, but please make sure that you're looking after yourself too x

Sorry absolutely no help on this subject no experience but just wanted to say glad he's seen GP.
Hopefully they get him sorted with some meds and the counselling helps.
Glad he's feeling a bit better and perking up a bit too, and make sure you look after yourself to as i'm sure it can be draining and the worry won't be doing you much good i'm sure ?

Didn't see this before sorry your oh is going through this, its really positive that he's open to getting help though that's a very good sign, it sounds like you're incredibly supportive too. Others have already given good advice but glad he has seen a doctor and is getting support.

Thankyou. My patience has been tested for the past two years and I have become a difference person since he was first diagnosed with leukaemia. Dont have a lot of choice but to be supportive (though I wouldn't have it any other way). He is pretty lucky to have me lol. And I him, he is such a fighter.

The only extra I can say, from experience of supporting someone in that position, is to say let them know you are there to listen. There was nothing I could physically do to take away the depression for them, but them knowing I would listen helped, they could say whatever they wanted and I just listened. sometimes getting it out started to help with dealing with it and thinking ahead. Let him know you are there whenever he wants o talk/cry/chat/sit/cuddle etc.

Not much help but I'd just like to say reading this has made me phone my doctor about my depression so thank you x