Do you have a plan B?

No. TBH I would be utterly up the creek in that situation- we have two children, I've pretty much sacrificed my career (for the time being) to look after them so, even if we weren't in a recession that meant a recruitment freeze City-wide, I wouldn't be able to afford childcare and any sort of living costs at all. I would be totally screwed. All my eggs are in one basket.

No plan B either. But then I don't really have to have one - we both have wills; we both are adequately insured including to protect my ability to work as a doctor; I'm the higher earner (just); we have savings, finally. I have a secure job and could afford childcare even if MrRache weren't around (though we'd have to leave the house if it were a divorce situation).

That said, I think all the time what would happen if MrRache were to die. Widowhood is my biggest fear, and in my mind the one more likely to happen one day.

What KN said. When H and I got together, we were doing the same professional job (newly qualified Chartered Accountants), but it would have been impossible for us both to pursue high-flying careers and still manage a home and relationship. As such, I made a conscious decision to steer my career along a path that would grant me flexibility for when we wanted to start a family, and supported my H in his pursuit of a very demanding and pressured role.

Nearly 10 years later, I'm working PT earning a fraction of what I was earning before having children, but my H is earning nearly 5 imes what I am, and works very very hard. If we were to split, I would only be able to afford something tiny, and wouldn't be able to afford childcare. He would never see the children as he would work even harder.

So apart from the fact that we WANT to be together, I also think there are sound business decisions for us staying together as well ?. But I have thought about what I'd do if I was alone in a slightly romanticised way IYSWIM (ie live in cosy flat in Bath, decorated like a Cath Kidston catelogue etc).

Like LTP says, I'm one of those women where my H earns more, in fact all now. And I don't feel trapped. In fact the OP made me laugh out loud, never considered it. I never really have a plan B because things really do just work out right, no matter what happens.

The only plan B I've had is when H started his own business, and our plan B was to high tail it and open a B&B in scotland so I could earn money for the family without having to resort to a nursery while the business got off the ground.

I haven't really but I think in the back of my mind I have never been that worried. I am the higher earner and already sort out the childcare for G. I had my own home before I met H and so the equity from that was treated differently when we bought our current house. Even if it wasn't, I could afford this house on my own so haven't really thought about it any further.

By the time we'd been married two years, my Dad and Grandad both died, so I guess this also contributed to me thinking of alternative plans; when half your family die in a short space of time, death sort of hits you in the face and you realise it isn't something that happens to other people and that the people you love might not be round as long as you want them to be.

I'm genuinely surprised that more people haven't thought about what would happen if their husband wasn't around. Many of us are born planners/ control freaks but I think it's probably a good sign; everyone must be fairly happily married I guess ?

.

I squirrel money away most months - either to look after myself on my own, or to have a more luxurious retirement. It's just sensible I guess.

I don't have the kind of plan B you're talking about and I think Mr G would be devastated if I did and he found out, likewise for me.

I have thought about who would have the children if we both died, but we haven't got it legally sorted as it's a bit more difficult when one of your children is likely to need full time care for life. Taking on that sort of responsibility is quite an ask.

Not so much a plan B, but I have always had an emergency fund so to speak, and had it when my ex and I moved in together, just so I knew I could move out and rent on my own if we split up which we did. I think it's a good idea.

I agree with this, but it's not always possible. I had a career before I met MrOs. We met, married and had two children who are only 18 months apart. I returned to work full-time when Child 1 was a year old, but now I just work part-time. I still do the job I did before i had kids, but I job-share and to be honest work is now secondary to my children. I guess if things went wrong with MrOs, I could consider returning to work full time but I would then have full-time childcare for the two boys. In London that equates to a LOT of money. For three days a week's childcare, we currently pay out £1200 a month! If I was on my own and returned to work full time, childcare costs would rise to £2000 a month.

Ultimately, I know we'd survive, but I don't like to survive, I like my little luxuries too. ?

I do have a plan B - although it might be a bit unworkable now we have a child but I don't think so. For me it's not about the finances but an alternative lifestyle. It sort of means that I have chosen the life I have now as I know I could change it if I wanted to. It also means that if H left me I would have something exciting to pursue rather than plod along as I was getting bitter which is what I have watched my mother do for almost 30 years.

Yes, I do think about what would happen if we split, or if God forbid, anything happened to MrS.

I have savings in my name which I could, at a stretch, buy my own flat with, or pay a deposit on a rented place. We rent at the moment so I don't need to worry about covering an enormous mortgage.

I have a good job (for the time being!) that I love and will hopefully lead to a stable career, and if it doesn't I have a few other options. I do think it becomes infinitely more difficult once you have children to consider though. And I do want to make sure that I can look after myself, even if we do have kids.

I didn't have and was totally stupid and naive especially as I moved to a foreign country and didn't know anything about the relevant laws etc.

I am still not divorced and have spent the last 4 years literally having to fight for my freedom. When I said till death do us part I think the big man upstairs must have taken it literally.

In the unlikely event that I remarry again (presuming I do one day get a divorce from the ex before he drives me into the ground) the "what will happen in the event of a divorce document" will be officially drawn up and legalised before I even consider signing a marriage contract and it will be stipulated that it will be updated on a regular basis - as I'm really not seriously considering ever remarrying again I haven't considered too many details about what the said document would contain nor the review period.

After what I have been through I think a Plan B, C and D is a very smart and wise move - especially for those considering a move abroad.

I had never considered it until I opened this thread ?

However, I am not financially dependent on H and we have no kids to consider. I also have income protection that specifically covers my ability to work as a doc, as Rache has mentioned.

I genuinely can't ever envisage us wanting to be apart (8.5 yrs down the line) but I appreciate that many if not all divorced couples must have felt like this at some point about their partners. I am a pretty practical person but even I can't persuade myself to plan for things that I can't imagine ever happening.

If I started thinking about him dying I would get totally depressed and morbid.

Not wrong at all. I've thought about this loads.

Also (unknown to G) there's a sheet of paper in with all the legal docs and bits and pieces (that he'd need to get out if I died) there's a list of things for him if I died. Important dates for vaccinations for the kids, lists of the dates all the bills are paid on, details of the insurances and policies written in plain english (he hates forms and small prints) and also things like changes he'd have to make to the tax credits and how often it's paid (I don't think he's ever even looked at a tc form tbh). Just a sheet of paper that I update every now and again so that he'd not be in the total "wtf do I do now" situation that I was in.

Yes I have Plan B. I think it stems from a very long time ago when my Dads first wife died and he said that I should always have savings. His first wife died of a brain haemorraghe and he thought that paying privately might have saved her. Knowing what I know now, I doubt it would, but the get out plans are always there as it's inherent now.

I am the breadwinner and have always bought a house that I knew I could afford on my own and I always have savings. I panic if my savings drop below a certain amount.

Julz I need to do that too. I have saving policies and bank accounts for different things all over the place that only I know the details to. H knows them too, but wouldn't have a clue where to go! I keep meaning to write them all down. I think it's very sensible.

This is definitely sensible but not always possible or practical, especially if you have children or things happen outside your control (eg illness).

Re having children, I think the impact of this depends a lot on your and your husband's careers- some lend themselves better to splitting the burden of childcare than others. If you have no option but to put your career on the back burner for a time, you're necessarily going to be more dependent. For us, there was absolutely no possibility of H working fewer hours- any attempt to do this would simply have meant two careers were blighted rather than one. I'm totally dependent on him financially, he's totally dependent on me for childcare and everything else. If one of us died we'd manage- we have good life insurance- but if we split up we'd struggle to maintain the same lifestyle.

I suppose part of the reason we felt happy to structure our lives like this (and to have children at all) is that we felt confident in our relationship, although of course this isn't proof against things going wrong.

But if you split, he'd pay you maintenance, yes? So though things would change, and probably not for the better, you'd survive. That's what I mean about a plan B, a consideration of how you'd manage, a serious contemplation of how you'd cope if things were different. I don't pack money away on the off-chance, but I have thought of as many possibilities as I can.

My friend's husband cheated on her, and she was utterly utterly shocked and had no idea how she'd cope financially alone. She says no-one knows how they'd feel about it till it happened to them, and I'm sure she's right, but I'd hope I'd have a clearer idea of how I'd manage practically. She was absolutely adrift for nearly a year.

We're not married but a split would have all the same consequences.

When I first read this I thought it was a bit harsh to have that kind of back up plan, and that's coming from someone who plans for any and everything. But as I read on I realised that the reason I don't have that kind of plan is because my back-up plan is already in place. I was a single mum when my son was born, with a full time job and a mortgage, so I know I could go back to that if I had to. And much more importantly for me, my parents would always be there for me.

After watching my parents destroy each other through a messy split I have always had a very strong need to always be able to look after myself (financially) , which I guess is my plan B. Rather than anything specific I'll always do everything to be competitive in my career and I have my own savings that are just for me even though we are very happy together.

This is exactly the situation I found myself in, hence no real plan B at the moment. In fact, working out plan A is taking all my energy right now. In my early 30s I would have said that there was no way I'd be one of those women, yet here I am. The plans I had at that time all revolved around me having one child, being able to work full time in a decent job. I hadn't factored in my illness, son coming out of school and more children.

So at the moment, like it or not, my only back up plan would be to hope to hell that Mr Layabout would pay some maintenance and just assume that we'd be in the situation of not having anything in terms of house or earned income.

I have a Plan B, although having taken the risk to be come self employed last year it's less stable than it was but it's also very unlikely to be needed. For me it's also about not feeling trapped - I'm here because I want to be, not because I have to be.

Yes, you're right. I think I'm possibly answering the wrong question- not whether I have other options (I do) but whether I'm financially independent and therefore able to make decisions without considering financial matters at all (I'm not).

That's exactly what I mean. My one really terrible bout of depression, when I was married to my first husband, was all about feeling trapped in virtually all areas of my life. As I lopped them, one by one, everything seemed so much better.

It's part of every plan now* that there's a reserve option. It's the only way it works for me.

(* There's always a plan. It's not a concrete plan, but there does have to be one of some sort)

I think that the reference to Plan B is probably a bit flippant, but it's definitely worth having a contingency plan. You never know what's around the corner.

I had a contingency plan when I split with Camperkid's Dad and I managed to buy a little house for Camperkid and myself; I disengaged myself from Camperkid's Dad's dreadful money management ***-ups too. So I worked full-time and Camperkid's Dad paid me maintenance, which I learnt to disregard from my finances every month (which was just as well because he then died a few years later and that money stopped).

Camperbub's Dad and I were completely financially independent from each other. When he died, he had nothing. In fact, he left £30 which I have put towards Camperbub's CTF. Luckily, I still had bits and bobs from when Camperkid was a baby and my sister gave me a cotbed and some friends gave me loads of clothes for Camperbub and the outlay for when she was born was minimal. Again, I still have to work full-time, my Mum has Camperbub for 2 days a week and she's in nursery for 3 days a week.

I meal plan, I shop at places like Lidl, Netto, Aldi and Morrisons, I don't use the tumble dryer more than twice a year, I have a little car which my Mum bought me out of my inheritance when she goes, we belong to English Heritage and go for free days out to castles and other places, taking a picnic with us.

I really hope that this post doesn't sound like a downer - it really isn't - you'd be surprised at the things you can do if you have to?

I guess I must have subconsciously had a Plan B as I just seemed to go in to automatic pilot when H left me. I had 2 children under 2 and worked part time as a teacher. I think my absolute saving grace was there was no quiblling over the house (he bought me out and what he gave me was a hefty deposit on my new house), pays maintenance and sees the children regularly. I am very lucky I think as it could have been so much worse.

I guess now as I think about dating again, I already have a Plan B in place should I ever meet someone..how about that for organised (or maybe once bitten, twice shy?)

A lesson in financial prudence for us all.

Serious congratulations on managing so well on a tight budget, you sound anything but down !

Clairy, I have to say, I really do love your posts, they really get me thinking. I'm surprised at the no. of people who don't have any idea what they'd do if they were suddenly single.

I don't have a very organised plan but I certainly know the basics - I'd be the main childcarer, we'd have to sell the house (unless I asked my wealthy but opinionated grandparents very very nicely for some help), I'd continue to work (because I'm not sure I'd ever find such a flexible employer in a job I enjoy again). I would keep the children at their existing school/nursery. I'd make sure the children continued their great relationship with my MIL. I'm not sure how we would make sure they saw enough of their father without me being enslaved to his work patterns - I'm happy to fit my life around his now, but if we ever split up I don't think I would feel so inclined!

I often think about 'when' my husband or I die. After all its clearly going to happen sooner or later.

I've always had a plan B. I was brought up to be financially independent (necessity, on my mum's part) and strive to continue to be so.

Actually, if OH and I split I'd only be a couple of hundred quid a month worse off, and could afford to keep my life as it is... just. I couldn't afford to buy him out of the house, but could afford to keep it on alone. I'd actually worry about my OH more if we split, as I'm the wage earner atm.

I'm not living with my boyfriend but if I was my Plan B would be to rock up at my mum's house and inform her that I am moving in for the time being while looking for a flat. Sell some furniture, work three jobs and be skint for a while. Lol, does that count as a plan?