Do you think this is cheeky?

I don't think you are being mean. Just reply and say you are sorry but actually the ceremony is for close friends/family only.

Actually, get your OH to do it as it is his family.

But I think you are in the right.

I'd feel the exact same!

It was not an open invitation for 4 guests! I'm in the same position and can't have some people i would like due to costs through the day and deff don't want strangers there in their place!

I'd say no, if they go in the huff, who cares u have neva met them anyway so the obliously not a big part of ur OH's life!

x

I never say this but OMG!!! Thats ridiculous! They have no right to say that! Just make sure you're as awkward when you go to someone in that family's wedding! I can never get over the cheek of some people when it comes to weddings! I'd say something. Thats just not on!

No, I completely agree with you.

I don't even plan on inviting my h2b's aunt & uncle to the wedding because i've never met them (after 7 years of being with him) and when we got engaged/bought a house we didn't even get a card or a word-of-mouth congrats passed on, never mind a bloody pressie! So I gathered that they wouldn't be that bothered anyway, and seen as our wedding will be quite intimate, I'd rather have a friend there.

If I were you, I would be honest with them and say it's a close friends and family affair! Some people won't be having a plus one at all and it's unfair for her to have one.

I had something similiar with a family friend's daughter messaging me on Facebook and asking if her boyfriend could come along. I have only met the guy once at a wedding and we exchanged one word each "hello" - I replied and said he could come to the evening reception, much to my OH's annoyance who said I should have said NO!!!

Am glad people are agreeing with me, oH doesn't see the "cheek" of it like I do (probably cos it's his family) but agrees the friend shouldn't be coming to the day. We think if they are making a weekend of it and she is flying over anyway then she can come to the evening but that is it.

I think that's a fair deal. Or tell the cousin that if she doesn't want to spend all day not knowing anyone then she doesn't have to come to the daytime either. That's what i'd be saying!!!

This really grinds me gears! It was this kind of thing that made me entirely change my wedding plans.

That's the thing she will know loads of her family there, plus she's coming over with her mum and dad.

That's funny it was the OH who originally wanted to elope and have a party afterwards and I convinced him we should have the whole thing here, hope I don't start to regret it

She should have asked first, she shouldn't have assumed, that's brazen. But maybe she is feelin a bit vulnerable with splittin up with her bfriend & having a friend with her will stop her moppin / pinnin on such a romantic day? I'm not excusing her at all, I think its only common courtesy to ask first but with having the flight booked for her Bfriend she prob thought it wud be better to use flight & maybe even less hassle ie no change to guest numbers (I say this cause I know of 2 people who will most prob not be there at last minute & I'm secretly wondering who cud fill their place at last minute to not waste meals & f##k up my table pkan Lol). Totally Insensitive & totally missing the point of an intimate family wedding but I don't think its malicious in any shape or form.

My guest list went from 26 people to 85 in about two weeks because of this kind of thing. Then, when you want to start uninviting people, everyone wants to have a little moan. OH's sister had a bit of a go when I said we weren't inviting his aunt & uncle, when I didn't change my mind she decided to run to OH crying!! She couldn't get her own way with me so she tried the little sister route instead!! I couldn't look at her for ages.

But the boyfriend wasn't invited in the first place...they could have saved the money by not booking an extra flight at all!!

yes but OP says the other sister & at that point they asked could the bfriend come instead to which OP fiance agreed with.

I think that sounds like a fair compromise, although the original request was cheeky

I can see it from both sides which is why I posted here. I don't think they were being intentionally cheeky but it's the way they went about it which has annoyed me really. They didn't technically ask if the boyfriend could come, they wrote "X's boyfriend will be coming to the wedding, hope that is ok" on the rsvp. I think they should have phoned and asked us personally rather presume he could come. My OH was invited to a family wedding without me when we'd been together 6 years, it didn't cross anyone's mind to even ask if I could come let alone add my name onto the rsvp.

They have done the same with the friend and put us in an awkward position where we feel bad for saying no. However whilst my OH doesn't think it was cheeky of them, we both agree that it is fair to let her bring her friend to the evening part if she is booked onto a flight.

I think it was cheeky in the first place to assume that the other daughter's boyfriend could come!

You didn't send an invitation to the aunt & uncle plus 2!! It was a specific invitation because you wanted the daughters there - not some randoms. I do wonder though what would the daughter's friend do in the day if she's only invited to the evening, especially as she's in another country. (Am definitely not condoning any of the assumptions they've made to bring the friend BTW - just a thought).

In all honesty I wouldn't want a complete stranger at the wedding either.. especially as it's such a small wedding. I'd put my foot down and say no.

Yeah thats a little bit cheeky (intentionally or unintentionally). I'd say no to the ceremony and meal, and that the friend can come to just the evening.

I wouldn't want anyone there that neither of us knew, and I would be very annoyed at having to shell out £x for meal, favours, drink etc for an unknown who isn't a partner.

Yes, I think it's incredibly cheeky, but the question is how do you deal with it now? They've obviously already booked the flights, so it's too late for them to cancel their trip. There's the brave option of giving them a ring to say that you're sorry, but you think there's been some kind of misunderstanding and the invitation was for aunt and uncle and two daughters and not for the daughter to bring a friend. Say that you haven't invited plus ones for other people and you don't think it would be fair for daughter to bring her friend, although you do understand that they would have spent a lot to come out here, so you're happy for the friend to come to the evening. Or you could take the coward's approach (which is what I would do!) and put it in an email.

Ahh I've had something like this! I invited OH's aunt, uncle and their 2 cousins, they replied saying the uncle can't make it but the cousins and their partners are coming! But the partners were never invited! I dunnno what to do!

Update - OH has decided he doesn't want to cause friction in the family so the random is now coming to the wedding, full day.

Yes it is VERY cheeky and we had a similar thing with h2bs family..... still annoys me and i am determine not to let it ruin my day but really wish they were not coming!

why do people think invites are tickets! - there NOT!

rah rah rah rant and breathe

h2b is the same and can't be bothered with the stress either...

yeah I think it is to do with age but really her mother should have called and spoke to us first both times. We've since found out she had been speaking to her sister (OH's mum) who advised her to call us to explain first but for whatever reason she hasn't.