Does this seem odd?

I do think that this is quite common to be honest. I know of lots of people who's families have been massively involved, but I also know lots of people who's families just haven't lifted a finger, let alone checked if there's anything that they could do to help. I know that this doesn't help you with your frustrating situation, but I do think that it's a case of 'grin and bear it' I'm afraid. Sorry to be devil's advocate here....

Hmm, I'm not sure to be honest that it's necessary for her to apologise for not being able to contribute. We're paying for it ourselves, my Mum would no way be able to afford it and the way I see it, it is our choice to get married and I wouldn't expect her to. Though that said, please don't get me wrong, if she had it i'm sure she would want to help, and she bought me my dress which was so lovely of her and a nice special texperienced we shared, and I think if parent's are happy to, that's great, but I think it's not so much of a tradition now, even for bride's parents. Every situation is different though.

My boyfriend's parents haven't offered and I don't expect them to in any way, but maybe that's just me.

It obviously would be nice if she offered to help in other ways - do you mean she isn't really interested at all? That's a shame for you if so, of course. With my boyfriend's mum i've really tried to keep her updated as I think she might think it's more about my mum and me planning as she's not the mother of the bride, so I've made sure i've kept her posted, and from that she's always asking about it when I see her and know she is pleased I'm keeping her included.

Sorry if not much help but I really wouldn't think she is being funny, espec if she hasn't got spare money x

Yes I can see where you guys are coming from and thats a point, ie I cant expect her to contribute... i just guess if it were my son, I would want to help in any way possible...

x

We've had no help whatsoever so have saved all the money ourselves and taken out a loan

x

Yeah i mean obviously I don't expect them money but a little bit of support in the form of at least asking wouldnt go a miss... I guess it would be nice more for H2B then me...

I totally understand your frustrations, but it really just doesn't cross some people's minds. Would you like to involve your in-laws more? Maybe you could delegate a task to them - e.g. you could show here some pics of flowers etc and ask for your MIL's opinion or you could ask her along to a cake tasting or even offer to help her choose her outfit/corsage. It could be that she's worried that you don't want her butting in and she just needs some gentle encouragement. If you don't want her involved, don't worry about it. Seriously, it much nicer to do this all by yourself instead of having to juggle a zillion things to please loads of people.

My parents paid for everything (excluding the honeymoon and kilts) but H's mum didn't know that and I didn't want her to know as it isn't any of her concern to know how it was being funded. It would have been nice if my mil had offered help in any way shape or form whether it be financially or just showing an interest. As it was she didn't show an interest and even didn't give us a present. In fact she did show an interest as she asked what colour to wear and I really didn't care but asked for her not to wear blue....she wore blue!

I know where you are coming from - am in a similar situation as my h2b's family wont be contributing financially. I dont have an issue with that at all - however, they aren't particularly interested in the arrangements either and havent offered to help in any other, non financial way. I think you just have to accept that some people are different - my parents are very supportive and would do anything for me and I am lucky in that sense - but its not so for everyone. It's a shame...but its just one of those things.

?

I think I understand what u mean Steely, my mum couldnt afford to contribute anything but she doesnt seem interested in the wedding at all and hasnt offered to help in any way. My dads paying for my dress and step mum is sorting cake which im really grateful for, but it still would have been nice for mum to ask if we needed help with anything. Obviously, as some of the others said, its our decision to get married and we dont expect anything, but I think I feel put out because in my opinion, she should want to help and get involved, I am her first daughter to get married, thats all!!!

I'd think that she feels like she doesnt want 2 b imposing on your big day. to be honest i wouldnt be too keen on my oh's people to get too involved in the organising. I mean it is my OH any my day!! and really we should be paying for the most st of it...as G and I are. any financial input from parents...of either is a bonus. My dad however has insisted on paying for the reception. Which Im extremely grateful for.

Mine and OH parents are paying for certain parts- bridesmaid dresses, car, hair and tog between them and I am massively grateful for that. Other than that neither have particularly been involved although my parents are excited and will talk about it. I am marrying my MIL only son which I dont think particularly impresses her. I am quite happy for them to stay out of the decision making to be honest.

We funded ours entirely although MIL desperately wanted to buy OH his kilt as her wedding present to us so that was lovely and the FG's parents insisted on buying her outfit. It was all budgeted for but the offers were very gratefully accepted and meant we could do a few nice extras we wouldn't necessarily have been able to otherwise. I had already told my parents that I didn't expect (or want) a financial contribution as I would have felt beholden to check their opinions on everything they were paying for.

As for non-monetary stuff my own mum never really asked about the wedding but if I asked her for help or her opinion she gladly offered it and was a fantastic help with all the practical stuff, particularly in the couple of weeks before. I think she never came right out and made the first move about helping with anything as she was scared to come across as the stereotypical "interfering mother/mother in law" - could it just be that she's holding back as she doesn't want to tread on your toes? Some brides to be are looking for everyone to chip in and help with everything and others (guilty as charged!) are a bit control freaky and like to keep everything close to their chest and under their own control. Maybe your MIL2B just hasn't quite worked out which you're going to be yet?

It depends what kind of relationship you have with the MIL.

To be honest I can see why she has not offered she may be thinking that because she is not giving any money that she has no place to help. Also traditionally it is the brides parents (mother) that help the bride so perhaps she does not want to step on any toes.

There was nothing stopping you from saying that you understood she could not contribute but would love it if she could get involved and help with x, y and z. I would ask if she would like to help with anything or perhaps ask if she would like to help you with ..... - maybe that is what she is waiting for.

Having seen the trauma my friend is going through with her family interfering, I'm thrilled that ours are keeping out of it to be honest ?

I agree with the others who have said that you certainly can't expect financial contributions. She might be reluctant to offer other support incase she's seen as interfering - if you want her to be involved then I'd make the first move.

Think you've had some good advice re giving her specific things to do - my MIL hasn't really got involved but I think that's cos she doesn't want to interfere. She is giving us money but tbh I was pretty surprised about that - the tradition is that the Bride's parents pay for the lot (I knew our's would contribute 'cos they have for my sisters) and I think it just wouldn't occur to a lot of groom's parents. Certainly I'm pretty sure none of my sis's OH's parents paid for anything.

Just for info - we're paying for: Tog, my dress, BM dresses, men's suits, insurance

My M&D are paying for: venue, registrar fees, flowers, food and drink

MiL2B: Vog, contribution to our mini-moon and other general contribution (might put it towards the buffet as M&D weren't keen for us to have one!)