ER flash

You need to click on the icon at w top of the post that looks a bit like a filmstrip. Then you select the picture you want form the folder on our computer.

There is an er flash thread somewhere, if you have a search then it should come up.

Hth

Okay, I'll do that. Thanks!

Ha! I put it on an old thread and then read a load of messages in the thread about it being annoying to 'bounce' an old thread. Hey ho, it's done now

Ah if anyone moans tell them I. Said to do it!,

This really gets my goat when people moan about stuff like this!

It's annoying when a spammer or supplier does it but when it's a bride to be, I think it's more than ok.

Well done on a) learning to flash and b) finding an old thread. You'd be surprised at the amount of people that don't bother to learn either!

I agree! Sometimes it seems hard to win on here.... I've seen people moaned at for bouncing old threads and I've seen people moaned at for starting new threads and being redirected to old threads of the same topic! x

Thanks everyone Feel much better lol

Luckily for me that dosnt happen

I'm pretty sure it was me who had a little moan about the ER thread being bumped last time.

Moan is a bit of a strong word though - I was just pointing out there had been many more recent ER ring flash threads as some people had started commenting to people who no longer use the site.

No harm done either way, was just trying to be helpful ?

I would like to clarify that I have never suggested you leave Hitched.

I was honestly trying to be helpful.

But thank you for the advice. I shall keep it in mind for future posts.

that word again.....

?

its laughable really, "cliquey" has been bandied around since I joined Hitched nearly 3 years ago, there were entire threads then about how cliquey people were, how hard it was for noobs to post etc etc. It has got a million times better since then in my cabbage. Though perhaps after 6 thousand odd posts and alot of time and effort I am now "in the clique" as I am sure you would suggest so my view is skewed.

The fact of the matter is this is an establish community and people who know each other will defend each other, much the same if one fo your friends was insulted by a stranger in the street etc? You would say something, you would answer back surely? There are whole groups of people who have formed their own alliances. the 2012, 2013 Facebook groups etc. I am not part of them, the people within those who are great friends. You don't see me crying into my cornflakes over it. Any group of people will form divisions, thats life.

Mini I have just noticed your sig and it made me chuckle!

The problem I have with the 'ganging up' thing is that maybe occasionally if things are getting argumentative people will stick up for their friends, but 99% of the time if people disagree with someone they're just being honest about their opinion. I can imagine its not great if someone posts something hoping for their view to.be backed up and then it turns out everyone disagrees with them, but that's life and people should be prepared for that when they ask for opinions.

I also think you can compare joining a forum to joining a new workplace. Most people will already know each other well when you join, and if you make the effort to join in, get to know people and have a laugh you'll make friends. If you expect everyone else to make the effort than you won't.

Ok, I'll be honest. When I first joined Hitched it did seem a bit daunting because everyone seemed to know each other. However, after a few weeks of lurking I realised everyone had to be a newbie at some point. This forum wasn't created by one group of current members, it was around long before the majority of people here knew it existed. Obviously people are going to develop friendships and defend their friends if needed. It is completely wrong to interpret these friendships as "cliques." A clique is a group of people with similar interests who exclude others. How would anyone ever become a regular on here if that was the case?

I'd never post on a forum without gauging the mood first and 5 minutes on Hitched will tell you it's not a fluffy "say whatever the OP wants to hear" sort of place. Not telling anyone to go anywhere else, I just don't think it's up to any one person to try and change the whole feel of a forum.

?

Are you a member of the clique allowed to call me this? ?

I came here as the other wedding forums were far too twee for me.

I liked the honesty, I liked the debates, I liked it when people had different opinions.

If I said "what do you think of this?" I wanted a real opinion, I didn't flounce if others didn't agree with me.

I'm interested to know when this has happened. I am possibly being obtuse but I've not seen an example of this so if you can point me in the right direction would like to take a look?

thats a pity.

enjoy your nutella ?

You have our very own Nutella on a spoon?! ?

That sounds like a bongo film.....?

To me, a clique is a group of people who wont let other people into their circle. Us OMs are more than happy to chat to noobs and give our opinions on things and we would love more of you to come over to OT and chew the fat with us. The reality is that we are cyber friends and if we feel someone needs sticking up for, we will. AND, as we're OMs and we've been through the wedding planning shenanigans we're more likely to be honest in our opinions.

The perception of cliques is a confirmation bias, where someone identifies a pattern of behaviour ("this is cliquey behaviour") that they misinterpret to fit their own preconceived notions ("there are cliques").

Take the following exchange....

Newbie 1: I am going to release butterflies at my wedding. Thoughts?
OM1: I think that's horrible. It's really cruel.
OM2: I agree with OM1.
Newbie 2: I agree with what's been said so far.
OM3: I agree with OM1 and OM2.

Newbie 1, whose been primed to think there are cliques around these parts, sees three OMs agreeing, disagreeing with her and cries "OMs are cliquey!". Newbie 1 subconsciously ignores two facts:
1. Newbie 2, who is not part of the OM "clique" has also disagreed.
2. There are other potential explanations for the agreement between the OMs.

Newbie 1 is confirming her bias.

Of course, a more obvious explanation for agreement between the three OMs is that their opinions coincide. Why should that happen more often between OMs than between random handful of posters? Quite simply because the OM group is in equilibrium. The OM group (in its current form) is by no means composed of every OM to have been through this site. It is composed of people who, after their marriage, stuck around to discuss love, life and the state of the universe and found it to their liking. There has been selection within this group for OMs who share broadly similar opinions and who largely match each other in terms of socioeconomic status, education level, political viewpoints and so on. This is exactly what happens in real life groups of people - similar souls congregate.

The newbies are a far more diverse group of people. There is a constant flux of new members who have motivation to stick around (help with wedding planning), even if they don't personally desire any "social" interaction on this site. If a newbie moves over to the OM bench and fails to find pleasing "social" interaction, they leave - there is nothing else to stay for. This is the selection process at work, within the OM group.

So, do OMs appear to behave as a unit because they are cliquey (defend your buddy, even if you don't agree with them) or because they share similar opinions (argue the point, which happens to be what your buddy is doing")?

Footlong I think I luffs you.

Footlong- ? *Round of applause*

ETA- JoJo, you too.

Double thumbs up.

Perfectly put as always Footlong.

Footlong can you copy and save that explanation so it can be re used every time this drivel gets brought up.